"Drop your buffs!" said Jeff.
It’s Cassandra’s lucky day
And don’t she know it!
To this day I don’t know why a circle of brightly printed lycra is called a buff, but it is in Survivor land and it shows which tribe each person belongs to. "Drop your buffs!" means you’re about to get a new one and, ergo, a new tribe. If you’re really keen they’re available for sale on the CBS website. I checked a few seasons ago and then came to my senses and resisted the urge.
This week the order to drop buffs came only minutes into the episode, before the credits had even run. To ensure an even spread - and the complete eradication of all alliances - a person from each tribe stepped forward and then had to pick someone from the other tribe, who then also had to pick someone from the opposite tribe to them. All of Anthony’s high school nightmares came true as he was the last Ravu person to be assigned to a tribe. He managed not to cry, sort of.
Lisi was the last one left not on a team, which was a smart move on everyone’s part because she’s just the most awful person out there this year. In addition to the physical resemblance to Fergie the Duchess of York, Lisi is every bit as awkward and bumbling and inappropriate. She stupidly got it into her head that she’d be going home as a result, and even seemed rather pleased by that. She was not grateful to learn she’s still in the game, and distinctly displeased to be sent to Exile Island instead. Maybe the snake will get her.
The reward challenge for the week was a very simple one. Edguardo and Earl played Rock Paper Scissors to determine who picked a random buff out of a bag held over Jeff’s head. Edguardo won RPS but lost big time by picking the buff that sent his team back to the resourceless Ravu beach. Another way to look at it was that everyone got a reward as there was a feast of fruit, cheese and crackers waiting at each camp on their return, and the challenge for the original Ravu members was eating slowly enough to prevent a huge upset to their unaccustomed digestive systems.
The new Ravu tribe is comprised entirely of blokes: Rocky, Mookie, Alex, Edguardo and Dreamz. The blokes are delighted that there’s no girls in their tribe. They think girls are nice to look at and touch and make out with, but they’re too stupid and delicate for that kind of tough environment and therefore just a distraction. It’s an attitude straight out of 1953. It’s like Survivor Kirribilli House.
I should point out that Anthony is on the same tribe. He’s a little more enlightened than the rest, which in their eyes makes him a big girl. He even described himself as a black male Cinderella. They left him behind to tend the fire and boil drinking water and other women's work, while they did manly things like fishing and poking crabs with sticks and hanging out on the beach. As much as I despite their attitudes, I might feel more kindly toward Anthony if he didn’t complain so much about it not being his fault that he’s a nerd. Make an effort, not an excuse.
Knowing it’s a numbers game, Alex and Edguardo quickly recruited Mookie to their alliance and informed Dreamz that he’s in with them whether he likes it or not. In probably his smartest move all series Dreamz kept his mouth shut and in the process managed not to say something stupid. Rocky seems to think he’s in the gang too, but he’s merely being tolerated because he’s more masculine than Anthony, which is the most important thing in Ravu these days.
By comparison, the greatest friction between old and new at Moto came from Stacey imploring Earl not to get into the king size bed while he’s dirty. Earl, Yau-Man and Michelle couldn’t believe their luck at the luxury. Boo was smart enough to recognise that his cosy alliance is now history, but stupid enough to still be bragging that if it weren’t for this twist he was guaranteed to win the million dollars. Cassandra brought Earl and Yau-Man hot coffee in china cups while they fished, and ‘allowed’ herself to be talked into joining the three former Ravus at Boo and Stacey’s expense. She’s been waiting for that chance a long time, and was patient enough not to blow it. Slowly slowly catchee monkey.
Moto won immunity yet again despite its new composition. Yau-Man was happy to win for the first time and even happier that a few days of decent food finally gave him the strength to carry the team flag. The six members of each tribe were tethered together and had to move through an obstacle course, testing each team’s ability to communicate with each other. The outcome really wasn’t a surprise, because a team of silver backs each trying to out-brawn the others and justify his own place at the top of the pack was never going to win.
Tribal Council was little more than an argument between Rocky and Anthony about whether standing up for oneself is manly or proof of poor social skills. Anthony was rational and articulate and claimed that he’d bitten his tongue so the tribe could remain cohesive and perhaps win a challenge. It was an impassioned speech. Unfortunately it was also an extremely poor tactic because it reminded all the blokes that they’re losers and they immediately voted him out.
The good news for Lisi is that she’s still in the game. The bad news is that on her return from Exile Island she replaces Anthony in the Ravu tribe with no equipment and five boys who don’t want her there. The good news is that if they continue their strategy of voting out the most feminine tribemate she’s safe for several weeks yet.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
Survivor Fiji: week 5
Confucius (Yau-Man)
Say: Love many, trust few and
Do wrong to no-one.
Confucius (the real one), Sun Tzu and Machiavelli all had influence from beyond the grave this week as the politics and strategising heats up.
Earl joined forces with Yau-Man in the hunt for the immunity idol. Well, he deliberately got everyone else out of camp so that Yau-Man had a private chance to look for it based on the new info he got last week on Exile Island; he didn't do any actual searching himself. Between Yau-Man being such a nerdy little computer boffin, and a machete not being such a great digging tool, the opportunity was wasted. It was also unclear what direct benefit Earl will receive from his effort, although I’m sure the afore-mentioned philosophers would each have plenty to say about his tactics and Yau-Man seemed grateful.
To remind us that life there is just one big party, our first look at Moto for the week was accompanied by jaunty luau music that would be perfect had this been Survivor Hawaii. Just in case we hadn’t spotted the difference between the camps yet, Earl explained the disparity using an analogy that included The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and Good Times. If there’s a future challenge based on ethnic minority television he’s got it won.
The disparity is also causing difficulties for the producers trying to come up with reward challenge prizes which will generate an enthusiastic "Yeah!" from both tribes when Jeff inevitably asks "Worth playing for?", which he has done before every reward challenge in all 14 seasons.
Tree mail brought a catalogue of prize options instead of a crappy poem (which was a reward in itself) and instructions to choose two items on the basis that the winning tribe would get both sets of goodies. Despite admitting they don’t really need any more luxuries, Moto went for toiletries and coffee. Despite some heavy-duty drooling over the chocolate cake, Ravu went for the highly practical cooking pot full of potatoes and the same set of fishing gear which Moto has now won twice.
Make that three times. The challenge was a mano a mano cross between Sumo wrestling and a pillow fight set on a platform above a mud flat. Competitors had to push each other into the mud using big cushions, with the first team to win seven bouts earning immunity. Yau-Man managed to beat Stacey, but since that was the only mixed-gender matching (and perhaps the only one where the heavier competitor lost) it was hardly worth crowing about. Actually the effort took so much out of him that he was incapable of doing much more than smile and laugh at himself for beating up on a girl.
It was to be the only bout that Ravu won, with Moto having a definite weight and strength advantage. A rematch between Rita and Cassandra presented another opportunity for Ravu since Rita simply had to sidestep and Cassy’s momentum would have sent her straight over the edge like a freight train, but Rita isn’t that smart. She wasn’t even smart enough to let go of the cushion to break her fall into the mud. Not even the second time. At least she remembered to hold her bikini top in place, although the pixelating machine wouldn't have been needed due to the mud.
Earl’s stay on Exile Island added another clue to the idol’s whereabouts, but nothing he didn’t already know. It seems like Earl wants to believe Yau-Man’s claim to have not found the idol yet but is finding it hard since the clues are so obvious. The question now is whether Yau-Man will help Earl find the idol, and who gets to keep any result of their joint effort.
At least Earl’s 24 hours on Exile Island spared him 24 hours of listening to Rita’s inane chatter. At Tribal Council she tried to justify the non-stop soliloquies as "telling little stories I think will entertain people and keep their mind off the dire situation we’re in." Hey don’t laugh, she’s right: when you’re that weak it’s hard to remember how hungry you are and at the same time quell the urge to choke someone.
Moto’s coffee fix meant they were having no trouble at all concentrating. For Lisi and Stacey this meant focussing on how best to completely ostracise the two remaining non-members of their alliance (both of whom are African American...). They teased Dreamz mercilessly for not knowing how to make coffee using a French press plunger (he thought it was instant and just added water to the spoonful of coffee in his mug then wondered why it had so many bits in it). Cassandra just got the dregs once everyone else had finished, Cinderella style. It was cruel and unnecessary, and way too high school for Alex and Edguardo’s comfort. They can see that even if Moto wins every remaining immunity challenge it will still be seven-three going into the merge, which equates to five-five if Dreamz and Cassandra change sides. After all, the enemy of my enemy is my friend and our philosopher pals would all have plenty to say about the current situation. They wouldn’t, however, have necessarily had any more luck banging the cold logic of the numbers into Boo, Lisi and Stacey’s heads than Alex and Edguardo did. Dreamz and Cassandra have done the numbers too, although in Dreamz’s dreams Moto wins all the challenges and he doesn’t get voted out before they even get to the merge. In his dreams there's also no sudden twist rearrangement of the tribes to stuff up everyone's plans and keep the ratings up.
Ravu almost did win immunity this week in a large-scale version of Kim’s game. Yau-Man got an easy one wrong, and then Lisi fell flat on her face - both literally and figuratively - in her excitement to show him up. She’s allegedly a customer service rep on a psychic phone line, which doesn’t explain why she: a) didn’t know where the correct match up was; and b) couldn’t read her tribemates’ minds when they all non-verbally told her - and then not so non-verbally moaned "NO" - as she tried to turn over the wrong match, disqualifying her in the process.
Cassandra, true to her name, did have enough psychic ability to win for Moto after Rocky missed an easy one. He accepted responsibility for the loss, but claimed that everyone else telling him what to do was really confusing and that as a tribe they all need to learn when not to speak. No Rocky, either you don’t have enough strength of character to believe in yourself or you have enough self awareness to know better than to believe in yourself. It’s not everyone else’s fault you got it wrong.
Michelle organised a quorum of people willing to vote Anthony out, but before anyone got a chance to brief the absent Rocky on the decision he’d started lobbying to get rid of Rita with apparent success if the editing is anything to go by, which it usually isn't. At Tribal Council Rita talked about talking, which provoked much eye rolling from the boys, and Yau-Man gave the basis of this week’s haiku as his personal philosophy in answer to a question from Jeff about trusting people, which Earl was fascinated by. Nobody produced the immunity idol, and Rita became the fifth woman voted out in what is by far the most misogynistic series in Survivor history.
The ad for next week features the chilling phrase "Drop your buffs!" and what looks like a reshuffle of the teams and a random draw for who gets the good camp. Didn't see that coming did we Dreamz!
Say: Love many, trust few and
Do wrong to no-one.
Confucius (the real one), Sun Tzu and Machiavelli all had influence from beyond the grave this week as the politics and strategising heats up.
Earl joined forces with Yau-Man in the hunt for the immunity idol. Well, he deliberately got everyone else out of camp so that Yau-Man had a private chance to look for it based on the new info he got last week on Exile Island; he didn't do any actual searching himself. Between Yau-Man being such a nerdy little computer boffin, and a machete not being such a great digging tool, the opportunity was wasted. It was also unclear what direct benefit Earl will receive from his effort, although I’m sure the afore-mentioned philosophers would each have plenty to say about his tactics and Yau-Man seemed grateful.
To remind us that life there is just one big party, our first look at Moto for the week was accompanied by jaunty luau music that would be perfect had this been Survivor Hawaii. Just in case we hadn’t spotted the difference between the camps yet, Earl explained the disparity using an analogy that included The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and Good Times. If there’s a future challenge based on ethnic minority television he’s got it won.
The disparity is also causing difficulties for the producers trying to come up with reward challenge prizes which will generate an enthusiastic "Yeah!" from both tribes when Jeff inevitably asks "Worth playing for?", which he has done before every reward challenge in all 14 seasons.
Tree mail brought a catalogue of prize options instead of a crappy poem (which was a reward in itself) and instructions to choose two items on the basis that the winning tribe would get both sets of goodies. Despite admitting they don’t really need any more luxuries, Moto went for toiletries and coffee. Despite some heavy-duty drooling over the chocolate cake, Ravu went for the highly practical cooking pot full of potatoes and the same set of fishing gear which Moto has now won twice.
Make that three times. The challenge was a mano a mano cross between Sumo wrestling and a pillow fight set on a platform above a mud flat. Competitors had to push each other into the mud using big cushions, with the first team to win seven bouts earning immunity. Yau-Man managed to beat Stacey, but since that was the only mixed-gender matching (and perhaps the only one where the heavier competitor lost) it was hardly worth crowing about. Actually the effort took so much out of him that he was incapable of doing much more than smile and laugh at himself for beating up on a girl.
It was to be the only bout that Ravu won, with Moto having a definite weight and strength advantage. A rematch between Rita and Cassandra presented another opportunity for Ravu since Rita simply had to sidestep and Cassy’s momentum would have sent her straight over the edge like a freight train, but Rita isn’t that smart. She wasn’t even smart enough to let go of the cushion to break her fall into the mud. Not even the second time. At least she remembered to hold her bikini top in place, although the pixelating machine wouldn't have been needed due to the mud.
Earl’s stay on Exile Island added another clue to the idol’s whereabouts, but nothing he didn’t already know. It seems like Earl wants to believe Yau-Man’s claim to have not found the idol yet but is finding it hard since the clues are so obvious. The question now is whether Yau-Man will help Earl find the idol, and who gets to keep any result of their joint effort.
At least Earl’s 24 hours on Exile Island spared him 24 hours of listening to Rita’s inane chatter. At Tribal Council she tried to justify the non-stop soliloquies as "telling little stories I think will entertain people and keep their mind off the dire situation we’re in." Hey don’t laugh, she’s right: when you’re that weak it’s hard to remember how hungry you are and at the same time quell the urge to choke someone.
Moto’s coffee fix meant they were having no trouble at all concentrating. For Lisi and Stacey this meant focussing on how best to completely ostracise the two remaining non-members of their alliance (both of whom are African American...). They teased Dreamz mercilessly for not knowing how to make coffee using a French press plunger (he thought it was instant and just added water to the spoonful of coffee in his mug then wondered why it had so many bits in it). Cassandra just got the dregs once everyone else had finished, Cinderella style. It was cruel and unnecessary, and way too high school for Alex and Edguardo’s comfort. They can see that even if Moto wins every remaining immunity challenge it will still be seven-three going into the merge, which equates to five-five if Dreamz and Cassandra change sides. After all, the enemy of my enemy is my friend and our philosopher pals would all have plenty to say about the current situation. They wouldn’t, however, have necessarily had any more luck banging the cold logic of the numbers into Boo, Lisi and Stacey’s heads than Alex and Edguardo did. Dreamz and Cassandra have done the numbers too, although in Dreamz’s dreams Moto wins all the challenges and he doesn’t get voted out before they even get to the merge. In his dreams there's also no sudden twist rearrangement of the tribes to stuff up everyone's plans and keep the ratings up.
Ravu almost did win immunity this week in a large-scale version of Kim’s game. Yau-Man got an easy one wrong, and then Lisi fell flat on her face - both literally and figuratively - in her excitement to show him up. She’s allegedly a customer service rep on a psychic phone line, which doesn’t explain why she: a) didn’t know where the correct match up was; and b) couldn’t read her tribemates’ minds when they all non-verbally told her - and then not so non-verbally moaned "NO" - as she tried to turn over the wrong match, disqualifying her in the process.
Cassandra, true to her name, did have enough psychic ability to win for Moto after Rocky missed an easy one. He accepted responsibility for the loss, but claimed that everyone else telling him what to do was really confusing and that as a tribe they all need to learn when not to speak. No Rocky, either you don’t have enough strength of character to believe in yourself or you have enough self awareness to know better than to believe in yourself. It’s not everyone else’s fault you got it wrong.
Michelle organised a quorum of people willing to vote Anthony out, but before anyone got a chance to brief the absent Rocky on the decision he’d started lobbying to get rid of Rita with apparent success if the editing is anything to go by, which it usually isn't. At Tribal Council Rita talked about talking, which provoked much eye rolling from the boys, and Yau-Man gave the basis of this week’s haiku as his personal philosophy in answer to a question from Jeff about trusting people, which Earl was fascinated by. Nobody produced the immunity idol, and Rita became the fifth woman voted out in what is by far the most misogynistic series in Survivor history.
The ad for next week features the chilling phrase "Drop your buffs!" and what looks like a reshuffle of the teams and a random draw for who gets the good camp. Didn't see that coming did we Dreamz!
Monday, June 11, 2007
Survivor Fiji: week 4
A soliloquy
Is not an excuse to talk
When no-one listens
Mark Burnett and his fellow Survivor producers seem to have some sort of magical gag over contestants because they NEVER talk to each other during the return trip from a challenge or Tribal Council. It gives the camera crew time to get set up in camp before the recriminations start, and make sure not a juicy second is missed.
This week they must have been wishing they could gag Earl even after he was back at camp. Earl wanted a calm, rational discussion to clear the air and prevent social pressures from building to the point where someone explodes. Luckily for the ratings Rocky had plenty to say in a soliloquy at Anthony that was as illogical and sexist as it was one-sided. Apparently he’s not used to dealing with people who are emotional, unless it’s a ‘broad’ (no offence to the ladies). And (no offence to Anthony) but apparently he doesn’t deserve to be there as much as Jessica and Erica, with whom Rocky did get along even though they’re both ‘broads’ and Erica was ridiculously emotional. If they deserved to still be in the tribe more than Anthony why didn’t Rocky lobby harder to keep Jessica, and why did he lobby so hard to get rid of Erica? He finished with the words "some people got it and some people don’t". Presumably the ‘it’ about which he spoke was hypocrisy.
Poor Anthony. Apparently he got picked on in the playground as child, and here someone is picking on him in front of the whole world in the manner of a child. He assures us, however, that "If they want me off this island they’re going to have to push me off!" His performance in this week’s reward challenge suggests he’ll probably fall off before they get that chance. He couldn’t stay on the balance beam, which was enough for Ravu to lose yet again and for Moto to add a king-sized bed and a spice rack to their already impressive camp facilities.
Rocky’s reaction to losing yet again (once they were back at camp and the camera crew shouted "Action") was just as irrational and spectacular as his earlier outburst promised him capable of being. He threw coconuts, shouted, blamed Anthony – which was actually justifiable this time – walked around naked for a bit and then put on one of Rita’s many bikini tops and turned up for the next challenge in drag. Bless him.
As this episode went to air in Australia, Paris Hilton was being released from prison to home detention because she was crying a lot and has a bad rash. Papa Smurf Gary was evacuated from Moto’s camp to resort detention because he wasn’t breathing a lot and has a bad rash comprised entirely of insect bites. He’s had malaria and done a tour of ‘Nam but neither was as bad as the way his broken ribs were making him feel. Lisi’s laugh couldn’t have been helping either.
The decision that Papa Smurf was too sick to return to the game must have come through after the immunity challenge was all set up and ready to go, because in previous seasons they’d have just cancelled it and Tribal Council for the week. Instead the challenge went ahead, with a nasty little twist at the end.
This one had lots of swimming and unlocking each other from bamboo cages. Moto won of course, and then found out that they could keep either immunity OR their luxury camp, but not both. They chose luxury, so Ravu got a week off from Tribal Council and Yau-Man has an extra three days to try and dig up the immunity idol following his stay on Exile Island and receipt of the fourth clue.
Andre aka Dre aka ‘Dreamz’ is Moto’s version of James aka Boston aka Rocky. His strategic approach to their first Tribal Council was to talk at his tribe mates for over half a minute, with many references to snakes but no reference to anything intelligible about what they should do. Finally he announced his solution: "There’s two people we can afford to lose and – I ain’t pointin’ no fingers – (points at Lisi) it’s Lisi (points at Cassandra) and Cassandra." Logically what he said was correct because the double negative meant he was pointing at those two, but logic doesn’t really feature much in Dreamzland.
Lisi was bemused because she seems to have a pretty solid alliance with four of the others. Cassandra was just horrified because with Papa Smurf gone she’s the next oldest person in the tribe. Alex and Edguardo both refused to vote for Lisi and said they would therefore vote for Cassandra. Liliana – who has barely said two words on camera all season but has done a lot of bedtime massages for the buff young men in her tribe –told Cassandra that she had to vote for her to stay in good with the rest and protect her own interests. Oddly enough, nobody mentioned just getting rid of Dreamz instead.
Those who actually still watch the show will be familiar with the little moments of the local wildlife going about its day that get edited in between scenes and in the return from ad breaks. Sometimes it’s a dangerous beastie like a crocodile, sometimes it’s a little cutie like a fruit bat with big puppy eyes, and sometimes it’s a creepy crawly like a big spider. This week we had a twelve second close-up (yes, I rewound and timed it) of one snake sliding forward out of another snake’s mouth. There’s conjecture in our house that it was a snake shedding its skin, but they both had eyeballs and the one doing the regurgitating had a tongue. I don’t know how the other snake got in there. I don’t know why it suddenly wanted out. I’ve watched it too many times now and I don’t want to see anything like it ever again.
Anyway, back at Moto, Lisi and Stacey tried to convince the three boys in their alliance to vote out Liliana instead of Cassandra. The boys said it didn’t make any sense since Liliana is as strong as the boys in the challenges and Cassandra is bad at everything. What they perhaps meant is that Liliana gives really good massages and Cassandra is, like, old (for the record she’s only 42, but remember this is Hollywood).
Dreamz clearly has no idea what a soliloquy is but at Tribal Council he assured Jeff that he didn’t go off on one, which Lisi had accused him of doing. Actually he assured Jeff that he didn’t go off on a "shaquilla or whatever..." Boo laughed, but I suspect that’s just because everyone else laughed. There’s no way we’ll be hearing Boo doing scenes from Hamlet any time soon to demonstrate his extensive knowledge of English Literature.
Maybe it was a done deal before Tribal Council, or maybe what convinced people how to vote was the bit where Cassandra complemented Liliana on how strong she is and how far she’ll go in the game, but was really pointing out what a threat Liliana will be if she’s allowed to stay. Either way, the massage queen is gone (it's been all girls so far) and Cassandra lives another day. Actually if Moto keep winning challenges at this rate they won’t be back at Tribal Council for a while yet and she’ll make it onto to the jury!
Is not an excuse to talk
When no-one listens
Mark Burnett and his fellow Survivor producers seem to have some sort of magical gag over contestants because they NEVER talk to each other during the return trip from a challenge or Tribal Council. It gives the camera crew time to get set up in camp before the recriminations start, and make sure not a juicy second is missed.
This week they must have been wishing they could gag Earl even after he was back at camp. Earl wanted a calm, rational discussion to clear the air and prevent social pressures from building to the point where someone explodes. Luckily for the ratings Rocky had plenty to say in a soliloquy at Anthony that was as illogical and sexist as it was one-sided. Apparently he’s not used to dealing with people who are emotional, unless it’s a ‘broad’ (no offence to the ladies). And (no offence to Anthony) but apparently he doesn’t deserve to be there as much as Jessica and Erica, with whom Rocky did get along even though they’re both ‘broads’ and Erica was ridiculously emotional. If they deserved to still be in the tribe more than Anthony why didn’t Rocky lobby harder to keep Jessica, and why did he lobby so hard to get rid of Erica? He finished with the words "some people got it and some people don’t". Presumably the ‘it’ about which he spoke was hypocrisy.
Poor Anthony. Apparently he got picked on in the playground as child, and here someone is picking on him in front of the whole world in the manner of a child. He assures us, however, that "If they want me off this island they’re going to have to push me off!" His performance in this week’s reward challenge suggests he’ll probably fall off before they get that chance. He couldn’t stay on the balance beam, which was enough for Ravu to lose yet again and for Moto to add a king-sized bed and a spice rack to their already impressive camp facilities.
Rocky’s reaction to losing yet again (once they were back at camp and the camera crew shouted "Action") was just as irrational and spectacular as his earlier outburst promised him capable of being. He threw coconuts, shouted, blamed Anthony – which was actually justifiable this time – walked around naked for a bit and then put on one of Rita’s many bikini tops and turned up for the next challenge in drag. Bless him.
As this episode went to air in Australia, Paris Hilton was being released from prison to home detention because she was crying a lot and has a bad rash. Papa Smurf Gary was evacuated from Moto’s camp to resort detention because he wasn’t breathing a lot and has a bad rash comprised entirely of insect bites. He’s had malaria and done a tour of ‘Nam but neither was as bad as the way his broken ribs were making him feel. Lisi’s laugh couldn’t have been helping either.
The decision that Papa Smurf was too sick to return to the game must have come through after the immunity challenge was all set up and ready to go, because in previous seasons they’d have just cancelled it and Tribal Council for the week. Instead the challenge went ahead, with a nasty little twist at the end.
This one had lots of swimming and unlocking each other from bamboo cages. Moto won of course, and then found out that they could keep either immunity OR their luxury camp, but not both. They chose luxury, so Ravu got a week off from Tribal Council and Yau-Man has an extra three days to try and dig up the immunity idol following his stay on Exile Island and receipt of the fourth clue.
Andre aka Dre aka ‘Dreamz’ is Moto’s version of James aka Boston aka Rocky. His strategic approach to their first Tribal Council was to talk at his tribe mates for over half a minute, with many references to snakes but no reference to anything intelligible about what they should do. Finally he announced his solution: "There’s two people we can afford to lose and – I ain’t pointin’ no fingers – (points at Lisi) it’s Lisi (points at Cassandra) and Cassandra." Logically what he said was correct because the double negative meant he was pointing at those two, but logic doesn’t really feature much in Dreamzland.
Lisi was bemused because she seems to have a pretty solid alliance with four of the others. Cassandra was just horrified because with Papa Smurf gone she’s the next oldest person in the tribe. Alex and Edguardo both refused to vote for Lisi and said they would therefore vote for Cassandra. Liliana – who has barely said two words on camera all season but has done a lot of bedtime massages for the buff young men in her tribe –told Cassandra that she had to vote for her to stay in good with the rest and protect her own interests. Oddly enough, nobody mentioned just getting rid of Dreamz instead.
Those who actually still watch the show will be familiar with the little moments of the local wildlife going about its day that get edited in between scenes and in the return from ad breaks. Sometimes it’s a dangerous beastie like a crocodile, sometimes it’s a little cutie like a fruit bat with big puppy eyes, and sometimes it’s a creepy crawly like a big spider. This week we had a twelve second close-up (yes, I rewound and timed it) of one snake sliding forward out of another snake’s mouth. There’s conjecture in our house that it was a snake shedding its skin, but they both had eyeballs and the one doing the regurgitating had a tongue. I don’t know how the other snake got in there. I don’t know why it suddenly wanted out. I’ve watched it too many times now and I don’t want to see anything like it ever again.
Anyway, back at Moto, Lisi and Stacey tried to convince the three boys in their alliance to vote out Liliana instead of Cassandra. The boys said it didn’t make any sense since Liliana is as strong as the boys in the challenges and Cassandra is bad at everything. What they perhaps meant is that Liliana gives really good massages and Cassandra is, like, old (for the record she’s only 42, but remember this is Hollywood).
Dreamz clearly has no idea what a soliloquy is but at Tribal Council he assured Jeff that he didn’t go off on one, which Lisi had accused him of doing. Actually he assured Jeff that he didn’t go off on a "shaquilla or whatever..." Boo laughed, but I suspect that’s just because everyone else laughed. There’s no way we’ll be hearing Boo doing scenes from Hamlet any time soon to demonstrate his extensive knowledge of English Literature.
Maybe it was a done deal before Tribal Council, or maybe what convinced people how to vote was the bit where Cassandra complemented Liliana on how strong she is and how far she’ll go in the game, but was really pointing out what a threat Liliana will be if she’s allowed to stay. Either way, the massage queen is gone (it's been all girls so far) and Cassandra lives another day. Actually if Moto keep winning challenges at this rate they won’t be back at Tribal Council for a while yet and she’ll make it onto to the jury!
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Survivor Fiji: week 3
Since Smurfs have blue skin,
To what colour do they change
When they cannot breathe?
James/Boston/Rocky, who is simply being credited as Rocky these days even by Jeff, started off this week by describing his tribe as "the biggest group of losers that Survivor’s ever seen". First of all, please use the correct terminology: "the biggest group of losers in Survivor history". Second, you’re wrong: that honour goes to the Ulong tribe from Survivor Palau which only had one member by the time of the ‘merge’. They managed to disintegrate through sheer lack of spirit, whereas Ravu have the quite valid excuse of no food, no water, no shelter AND no spirit.
They do have fire now, at least. The sun finally came out long and strong enough for Michelle to get one going using Yau-Man’s spectacles and some coconut husks. They were so busy celebrating their impending survival that the fire almost went out again. I’m sure Charles Darwin would have something to say about such stupidity.
By comparison, the Moto crew decided to paint the shelter floor a nice shade of duck egg blue, ostensibly to keen the ants out (what, their little legs will stick in the wet paint?) but probably because they were just bored with eating and napping. As Boo observed, it’s "thrival" more than "survival". Just remember Boo that you are camping in the tropics with multiple axe wounds, and are thus a walking candidate for septicemia.
This week we had separate reward and immunity challenges for the first time this season. The reward challenge, with a choice of prizes on offer, was a big slip’n’slide with numbered balls suspended above it and a basketball ring at the far end. Survivors went head to head to grab a particular numbered ball, with the first one to sink it in the basket at the end winning a point for their team. Did you spot the novelty? No knots to undo, no puzzle pieces to collect and no flags to raise!
Jeff did his normal thing with the commentating, but they really should have shipped in Fiona McDonald. Remember Jackie’s sister who hosted "It’s A Knockout" in the mid-eighties? Her catch-phrase was "And he’s fall-hall-hall-en over ha ha ha". There was a lot of that. There wasn’t a lot of Ravu winning. There was a lot of pixelation when Rita’s bikini top did some slipping and sliding of its own. And there wasn’t much grief when Sylvia got sent back to Exile Island for a second stint.
Moto’s Gary has been nicknamed Papa Smurf, presumably for his blue t-shirt and shorts. He took a very heavy spill on the slip’n’slide and broke at least one rib. Back at camp they had to call out the paramedics because he could hardly breathe and was getting dizzy and vague as a result. All the paramedics could do was tell him to take some aspirin and call them in the morning if it got worse, but he really seemed to be struggling. Cassandra was so worried she was in tears. Alex was also emotional, but more in the sense that someone else has shown weakness and he’s now much less likely to be the first Moto member voted off.
Of course, Moto need to lose a challenge before they vote anyone off and that didn’t happen this week. Sylvia came back from Exile Island just in time for the long overdue return of my personal favourite, the Gross Food Challenge. Last seen in Palau with the unforgettable balut, this was a more traditional Gross Food Challenge with a range of local ‘delicacies’ such as clams, peanut worms, octopus tentacles, sea cucumber, fish eyes and - for dessert - pig snouts. Ravu should have been a certainty to win since they’re desperate for both food and a victory, and Moto all looked kind of bloated after lunch.
Rocky and Mookie both won their rounds, and Anthony and Sylvia both lost theirs and were targeted for elimination in some interesting tribal politics. There was a genuine fear that Sylvia had found the idol during her most recent stay on Exile Island and would have immunity. If the vote for Sylvia was unanimous, and if she possessed and played the immunity idol, then whomever she had voted for would have the next highest number of votes and be eliminated. To prevent that from being someone in this week’s version of his alliance, Rocky arranged for a couple of people to vote for Anthony. I’m not sure whether Rita was supposed to vote for Sylvia or Anthony, but neither of those names is spelt E-A-R-L so who knows what she was doing.
Regardless, Sylvia didn’t have the immunity idol and enough of the others managed to vote correctly for her to be sent home. Anthony, however, was a bit upset by the votes he received and the ad for next week shows him with a quivering lip of which any petulant four year old would be proud. Anthony, your team might have fire and therefore drinking water now but you can’t afford to waste precious bodily fluids on tears.
To what colour do they change
When they cannot breathe?
James/Boston/Rocky, who is simply being credited as Rocky these days even by Jeff, started off this week by describing his tribe as "the biggest group of losers that Survivor’s ever seen". First of all, please use the correct terminology: "the biggest group of losers in Survivor history". Second, you’re wrong: that honour goes to the Ulong tribe from Survivor Palau which only had one member by the time of the ‘merge’. They managed to disintegrate through sheer lack of spirit, whereas Ravu have the quite valid excuse of no food, no water, no shelter AND no spirit.
They do have fire now, at least. The sun finally came out long and strong enough for Michelle to get one going using Yau-Man’s spectacles and some coconut husks. They were so busy celebrating their impending survival that the fire almost went out again. I’m sure Charles Darwin would have something to say about such stupidity.
By comparison, the Moto crew decided to paint the shelter floor a nice shade of duck egg blue, ostensibly to keen the ants out (what, their little legs will stick in the wet paint?) but probably because they were just bored with eating and napping. As Boo observed, it’s "thrival" more than "survival". Just remember Boo that you are camping in the tropics with multiple axe wounds, and are thus a walking candidate for septicemia.
This week we had separate reward and immunity challenges for the first time this season. The reward challenge, with a choice of prizes on offer, was a big slip’n’slide with numbered balls suspended above it and a basketball ring at the far end. Survivors went head to head to grab a particular numbered ball, with the first one to sink it in the basket at the end winning a point for their team. Did you spot the novelty? No knots to undo, no puzzle pieces to collect and no flags to raise!
Jeff did his normal thing with the commentating, but they really should have shipped in Fiona McDonald. Remember Jackie’s sister who hosted "It’s A Knockout" in the mid-eighties? Her catch-phrase was "And he’s fall-hall-hall-en over ha ha ha". There was a lot of that. There wasn’t a lot of Ravu winning. There was a lot of pixelation when Rita’s bikini top did some slipping and sliding of its own. And there wasn’t much grief when Sylvia got sent back to Exile Island for a second stint.
Moto’s Gary has been nicknamed Papa Smurf, presumably for his blue t-shirt and shorts. He took a very heavy spill on the slip’n’slide and broke at least one rib. Back at camp they had to call out the paramedics because he could hardly breathe and was getting dizzy and vague as a result. All the paramedics could do was tell him to take some aspirin and call them in the morning if it got worse, but he really seemed to be struggling. Cassandra was so worried she was in tears. Alex was also emotional, but more in the sense that someone else has shown weakness and he’s now much less likely to be the first Moto member voted off.
Of course, Moto need to lose a challenge before they vote anyone off and that didn’t happen this week. Sylvia came back from Exile Island just in time for the long overdue return of my personal favourite, the Gross Food Challenge. Last seen in Palau with the unforgettable balut, this was a more traditional Gross Food Challenge with a range of local ‘delicacies’ such as clams, peanut worms, octopus tentacles, sea cucumber, fish eyes and - for dessert - pig snouts. Ravu should have been a certainty to win since they’re desperate for both food and a victory, and Moto all looked kind of bloated after lunch.
Rocky and Mookie both won their rounds, and Anthony and Sylvia both lost theirs and were targeted for elimination in some interesting tribal politics. There was a genuine fear that Sylvia had found the idol during her most recent stay on Exile Island and would have immunity. If the vote for Sylvia was unanimous, and if she possessed and played the immunity idol, then whomever she had voted for would have the next highest number of votes and be eliminated. To prevent that from being someone in this week’s version of his alliance, Rocky arranged for a couple of people to vote for Anthony. I’m not sure whether Rita was supposed to vote for Sylvia or Anthony, but neither of those names is spelt E-A-R-L so who knows what she was doing.
Regardless, Sylvia didn’t have the immunity idol and enough of the others managed to vote correctly for her to be sent home. Anthony, however, was a bit upset by the votes he received and the ad for next week shows him with a quivering lip of which any petulant four year old would be proud. Anthony, your team might have fire and therefore drinking water now but you can’t afford to waste precious bodily fluids on tears.
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