Survivor Fiji: week 6

"Drop your buffs!" said Jeff.
It’s Cassandra’s lucky day
And don’t she know it!

To this day I don’t know why a circle of brightly printed lycra is called a buff, but it is in Survivor land and it shows which tribe each person belongs to. "Drop your buffs!" means you’re about to get a new one and, ergo, a new tribe. If you’re really keen they’re available for sale on the CBS website. I checked a few seasons ago and then came to my senses and resisted the urge.

This week the order to drop buffs came only minutes into the episode, before the credits had even run. To ensure an even spread - and the complete eradication of all alliances - a person from each tribe stepped forward and then had to pick someone from the other tribe, who then also had to pick someone from the opposite tribe to them. All of Anthony’s high school nightmares came true as he was the last Ravu person to be assigned to a tribe. He managed not to cry, sort of.

Lisi was the last one left not on a team, which was a smart move on everyone’s part because she’s just the most awful person out there this year. In addition to the physical resemblance to Fergie the Duchess of York, Lisi is every bit as awkward and bumbling and inappropriate. She stupidly got it into her head that she’d be going home as a result, and even seemed rather pleased by that. She was not grateful to learn she’s still in the game, and distinctly displeased to be sent to Exile Island instead. Maybe the snake will get her.

The reward challenge for the week was a very simple one. Edguardo and Earl played Rock Paper Scissors to determine who picked a random buff out of a bag held over Jeff’s head. Edguardo won RPS but lost big time by picking the buff that sent his team back to the resourceless Ravu beach. Another way to look at it was that everyone got a reward as there was a feast of fruit, cheese and crackers waiting at each camp on their return, and the challenge for the original Ravu members was eating slowly enough to prevent a huge upset to their unaccustomed digestive systems.

The new Ravu tribe is comprised entirely of blokes: Rocky, Mookie, Alex, Edguardo and Dreamz. The blokes are delighted that there’s no girls in their tribe. They think girls are nice to look at and touch and make out with, but they’re too stupid and delicate for that kind of tough environment and therefore just a distraction. It’s an attitude straight out of 1953. It’s like Survivor Kirribilli House.

I should point out that Anthony is on the same tribe. He’s a little more enlightened than the rest, which in their eyes makes him a big girl. He even described himself as a black male Cinderella. They left him behind to tend the fire and boil drinking water and other women's work, while they did manly things like fishing and poking crabs with sticks and hanging out on the beach. As much as I despite their attitudes, I might feel more kindly toward Anthony if he didn’t complain so much about it not being his fault that he’s a nerd. Make an effort, not an excuse.

Knowing it’s a numbers game, Alex and Edguardo quickly recruited Mookie to their alliance and informed Dreamz that he’s in with them whether he likes it or not. In probably his smartest move all series Dreamz kept his mouth shut and in the process managed not to say something stupid. Rocky seems to think he’s in the gang too, but he’s merely being tolerated because he’s more masculine than Anthony, which is the most important thing in Ravu these days.

By comparison, the greatest friction between old and new at Moto came from Stacey imploring Earl not to get into the king size bed while he’s dirty. Earl, Yau-Man and Michelle couldn’t believe their luck at the luxury. Boo was smart enough to recognise that his cosy alliance is now history, but stupid enough to still be bragging that if it weren’t for this twist he was guaranteed to win the million dollars. Cassandra brought Earl and Yau-Man hot coffee in china cups while they fished, and ‘allowed’ herself to be talked into joining the three former Ravus at Boo and Stacey’s expense. She’s been waiting for that chance a long time, and was patient enough not to blow it. Slowly slowly catchee monkey.

Moto won immunity yet again despite its new composition. Yau-Man was happy to win for the first time and even happier that a few days of decent food finally gave him the strength to carry the team flag. The six members of each tribe were tethered together and had to move through an obstacle course, testing each team’s ability to communicate with each other. The outcome really wasn’t a surprise, because a team of silver backs each trying to out-brawn the others and justify his own place at the top of the pack was never going to win.

Tribal Council was little more than an argument between Rocky and Anthony about whether standing up for oneself is manly or proof of poor social skills. Anthony was rational and articulate and claimed that he’d bitten his tongue so the tribe could remain cohesive and perhaps win a challenge. It was an impassioned speech. Unfortunately it was also an extremely poor tactic because it reminded all the blokes that they’re losers and they immediately voted him out.

The good news for Lisi is that she’s still in the game. The bad news is that on her return from Exile Island she replaces Anthony in the Ravu tribe with no equipment and five boys who don’t want her there. The good news is that if they continue their strategy of voting out the most feminine tribemate she’s safe for several weeks yet.