So how did the biggest, strongest and not necessarily stupidest guy this season manage to get voted out last week while holding two immunity idols? I don’t get it either, but those who did survive Tribal Council were all very relieved to have pulled off the blind-siding. Personally I was quite impressed by how calm and rational James’ farewell speech to the video camera was, and thought the others were very mean saying they feared for their life if the plan didn’t work. Later he turned up for jury duty and glared at them. And then I understood.
PG – bless her – has decided that voting out James was not a masterful strategy by highly skilled players to get rid of the strongest person, eliminate both immunity idols and improve their own chances of winning the million dollars ($640k after taxes). No, it was certain proof that the original Hidden Dragon alliance is collapsing. If she can get just two other people to swing over to her side, and if she can keep winning immunity, and if there’s a lightening strike that kills Amanda, Todd, Denise, Courtney and Eric, she’s in with a chance.
As suggested in the ads, this week the loved ones turned up to participate in the challenge. Among much hugging and crying were frequent apologies for the body odour. Denise’s first words to her husband were, "Can I have your socks?" "Please" might have been nice too, but she apparently smelled so bad he was happy to comply as long as she didn’t breath on him.
Loved ones and Survivors were blindfolded and sent into opposite ends of a maze, with instructions that the first pair to team up and reach the middle would win. PG is a chip off the old block, with her Dad pointing to where he thought the middle was and saying, "We need to go that way". I’d like to point out that pointing is not much help to a blindfolded person, although it is slightly amusing to us at home. Amanda and her sister used freaky and annoying bird calls to cut through the shouting and find each other. Denise’s husband Robert just followed the smell and they won.
Long before Corey Delaney / Worthington forced himself uninvited into our media consciousness with his yellow sunglasses and even more horribly yellow hair, another ghastly little twerp named "Johnny Fairplay" competed in Survivor Pearl Islands and pulled off one of the worst stunts in Survivor History. In both cases the act itself was abhorrent, but the chutzpah with which they pulled it off had to be at least acknowledged if not actually admired.
When Johnny's best friend turned up as a loved one Johnny asked, "Where’s Grandma?" and was sadly informed that she had died. Trouble was, Grandma was so alive she answered the phone when Jeff rang the family off-air to express the production team’s condolences. The whole thing was a total lie, pre-planned between the pair of them to ensure that the challenge winner would give up the luxury overnight reward so that Johnny could "get all of the news from home" and "come to terms with his grief".
Why bring up ancient history? Because this week every Survivor fan was dragged back to the memory of that series when Todd came face to face with his little sister at the reward challenge. He pointedly asked how his even younger sister is doing, only to be informed that she had miscarried her baby.
Denise never explained whether it was sympathy or pure strategy, but she chose Todd and his sister (along with Amanda and her sister) to share the reward of a massive lunch on a boat. She also got handed a mobile phone to receive a call from home. The producers had chosen a phone from Sprint Communications because, just like Denise and Robert had to be to win the challenge, Sprint is known for speed and communication. It wasn’t subtle. Neither was the font size of Sprint Communication’s credit in the closing titles.
Oddly, Todd doesn’t appear to have mentioned his little sister's tragedy at all during the entire lunch. I suppose it’s hard to talk and cry and stuff your face with chocolate cake at the same time, so he focussed on doing that last one really well. In fact, poor Kimmy – whose unplanned teen pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage is now world-wide news – didn’t even get a mention until back at camp when Todd, Amanda and siblings went for a swim to gloat about how great the reward was.
For the record, Amanda’s sister’s butt had to be pixelated as she jumped in the lake. Either that family really likes skimpy swimwear or there’s a genetic birthmark that’s just too horrible for prime time. Eroc Giron and Brian Metz, who get closing title credits as ‘Digitizers’, deserve a bigger font even than Sprint Communications for their efforts. Possibly an Emmy, too.
Back at camp during the reward, PG was seriously peeved that Denise didn’t return the favour and invite her to share the reward, since she’d taken Denise to the Shaolin Temple a few days before. They all expressed total disbelief about Todd’s sister, and Courtney did a brilliant replay of Todd’s Oscar-worthy performance as a grieving brother, for which she definitely deserves an Emmy.
The immunity challenge involved wading back and forth through an obstacle course in a swamp, trying to decide which statements out of three pairs were true so that the right keys were picked to open a box and raise a flag. The questions this week were things like, "The Chinese invented barbed wire" and "The Chinese invented gunpowder". Once again there was a perfect opportunity to learn more about the reign of Emperor Nasi Goreng, and once again the producers passed it up.
As jokingly suggested last week, PG won immunity. Her family is Chinese so she kind of had just a little bit of an advantage getting the questions right. Erik knew he’d be targeted for elimination and did some nice work trying to convince the others that Todd was lying about his sister. He and PG both went to work on Denise, pointing out that the others will only take her to the final four. In fact at Tribal Council they both managed to talk generically about how there are ‘certain people’ at camp who can choose between being fourth in their current alliance or possibly winning the game. They may as well have said, "I’m not going to name names, but her initials might be Denise."
It didn’t work, so Erik got voted out in a four-two decision, and can now break up the jury box flirtation that seems to be happening between Frosti and his sweet little Southern Belle Jaime. Todd looked very happy and not at all grieving as he trotted out of the Tribal Council pagoda. Next week might be a different story though, because it looks like the girls plus Denise might gang up on him. With only five Survivors left now, and only a couple of episodes to go, it’s getting very exciting.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Survivor China: week 10
So after spending the last week on the edge of my seat waiting to find out what the big post-Tribal Council surprise is, we finally know. Was it worth the wait? Nuh.
The bad news from Jeff was that there was ‘unfinished business’ and they wouldn’t be going straight back to camp. PG, who only escaped elimination minutes early because she’d won individual immunity, looked like she was going to puke. The good news was that it was a reward challenge, not another vote. The bad news was that "this is no ordinary reward". Actually make that good news, because it was a really good reward.
The winner got an overnight stay at the 1,500-year-old Shaolin Temple, birthplace of Kung Fu. In talking the reward up, Jeff made it clear (including to everyone at home) that this truly is an opportunity that very few people in the world will ever experience because outsiders are not invited. It begs the question of what influence CBS has over a Chinese government desperate to look good in the lead up to the Beijing Olympics, and what influence that government in turn has over the Shaolin monks. Or maybe CBS just offered them their own kung fu reality show as a way of getting around the writer’s strike.
The challenge itself involved questions about Chinese culture, like "True or false: China is credited with inventing the abacus." Having known the answer to that since about grade four, it was disappointing to see so many people get it wrong. I was waiting for "True or false: the Emperor Nasi Goreng built the Great Wall of China to keep out the rabbits", but oddly it didn’t come up.
PG, who last week was sooking that she never wins anything, won her second challenge in a row and took Erik and Denise with her. On the private jet taking them to the reward, PG started lobbying her fellow outsiders to form a new alliance against the four back at camp the minute the ‘Fasten Seatbelts’ sign went out. They were not impressed by the intrusion: Erik just wanted to eat the free pistachios in peace, and Denise was probably wondering whether hers is the worst mullet to ever travel by private jet. I think Bon Jovi collectively won that honour a few decades ago, but she can dream.
She’s actually a bit of a dark horse, confessing during the flight that she’s been studying karate and kung fu for eight years and is not far off getting her black belt. Between Denise loving a visit to the birthplace of her chosen sport, and PG loving a chance to learn more about her Chinese heritage, Erik was the odd one out. Denise even did a demonstration of her own after the Shaolin monks had finished theirs and a bunch of little kids taught the outsiders a few moves. I’m really glad to see someone get to go on a reward that’s so relevant and meaningful, and which there is no doubt they are truly the person most capable of appreciating.
The kung fu theme didn’t end there because the immunity challenge involved throwing stars. I was kind of hoping to see Erik knock himself out with some nunchakus, but throwing stars it was. Tree mail came in the form of a typically bad poem attached to a large placard by said throwing stars, so there was no excuse not to practise and absolutely no excuse for PG not landing a single hit when the pressure was on, other than that she’s pathetic and doesn’t deserve to win.
One of the biggest – and, as it turns out, most erroneous - assumptions this season has been that James would be a major threat in the individual immunity challenges. The producers keep listing his profession as ‘grave digger’, and he’s certainly built like someone who spends a lot of time in heavy manual labour. However, I suspect that might be a slight exaggeration because as I understand it his family runs a funeral business, which isn’t quite the same thing. I suppose grave digger sounds more interesting, plus they already had an undertaker on the show a few years back and don’t like to repeat themselves. Except with the rope and puzzle piece challenges.
And yet while James is such an obvious physical threat, none of the individual immunity challenges have suited his strength. This seemed to perhaps be the one, but Courtney – tiny little Courtney with the skeletal arms and Vampire-pale skin (and, I might point out, dark roots growing nicely through the bleached blonde hair after a month in the jungle) - did just as well in this challenge as James.
Erik managed to win, and the alignment of the (throwing) stars [sorry] allowed Amanda to put in place her brilliant idea of getting rid of James the alleged threat, and knocking both immunity idols out of play. Never mind that Todd and Jean-Robert both had the same idea a couple of weeks ago. Since Erik had immunity it was very easy to convince James that they were all sticking to the original plan of voting out PG next. And she played along, after a chat with Amanda in a desperate attempt to survive meant she was let in on the secret that James had been targeted instead of her. It was an enviable no-lose situation for PG: if James didn’t play one of his immunity idols in the crucial moment at Tribal Council he’d be eliminated, and if he did then whomever PG and Erik voted for would be gone.
Oddly enough she managed to last the remaining few hours until Tribal Council without stuffing up. There was a fabulously tense moment after the votes had been cast but before they were read out when Jeff told the remaining seven that if someone was going to play an immunity idol they had to do it right then. James looked at his bag, then back at Jeff and ... said nothing. He did hold them both up eventually, but that was during his farewell piece to camera as the credits rolled and they weren’t much use to him by then.
The ad for next week shows lots of people crying, so presumably it's the loved ones' visit. Either that or PG wins immunity again.
The bad news from Jeff was that there was ‘unfinished business’ and they wouldn’t be going straight back to camp. PG, who only escaped elimination minutes early because she’d won individual immunity, looked like she was going to puke. The good news was that it was a reward challenge, not another vote. The bad news was that "this is no ordinary reward". Actually make that good news, because it was a really good reward.
The winner got an overnight stay at the 1,500-year-old Shaolin Temple, birthplace of Kung Fu. In talking the reward up, Jeff made it clear (including to everyone at home) that this truly is an opportunity that very few people in the world will ever experience because outsiders are not invited. It begs the question of what influence CBS has over a Chinese government desperate to look good in the lead up to the Beijing Olympics, and what influence that government in turn has over the Shaolin monks. Or maybe CBS just offered them their own kung fu reality show as a way of getting around the writer’s strike.
The challenge itself involved questions about Chinese culture, like "True or false: China is credited with inventing the abacus." Having known the answer to that since about grade four, it was disappointing to see so many people get it wrong. I was waiting for "True or false: the Emperor Nasi Goreng built the Great Wall of China to keep out the rabbits", but oddly it didn’t come up.
PG, who last week was sooking that she never wins anything, won her second challenge in a row and took Erik and Denise with her. On the private jet taking them to the reward, PG started lobbying her fellow outsiders to form a new alliance against the four back at camp the minute the ‘Fasten Seatbelts’ sign went out. They were not impressed by the intrusion: Erik just wanted to eat the free pistachios in peace, and Denise was probably wondering whether hers is the worst mullet to ever travel by private jet. I think Bon Jovi collectively won that honour a few decades ago, but she can dream.
She’s actually a bit of a dark horse, confessing during the flight that she’s been studying karate and kung fu for eight years and is not far off getting her black belt. Between Denise loving a visit to the birthplace of her chosen sport, and PG loving a chance to learn more about her Chinese heritage, Erik was the odd one out. Denise even did a demonstration of her own after the Shaolin monks had finished theirs and a bunch of little kids taught the outsiders a few moves. I’m really glad to see someone get to go on a reward that’s so relevant and meaningful, and which there is no doubt they are truly the person most capable of appreciating.
The kung fu theme didn’t end there because the immunity challenge involved throwing stars. I was kind of hoping to see Erik knock himself out with some nunchakus, but throwing stars it was. Tree mail came in the form of a typically bad poem attached to a large placard by said throwing stars, so there was no excuse not to practise and absolutely no excuse for PG not landing a single hit when the pressure was on, other than that she’s pathetic and doesn’t deserve to win.
One of the biggest – and, as it turns out, most erroneous - assumptions this season has been that James would be a major threat in the individual immunity challenges. The producers keep listing his profession as ‘grave digger’, and he’s certainly built like someone who spends a lot of time in heavy manual labour. However, I suspect that might be a slight exaggeration because as I understand it his family runs a funeral business, which isn’t quite the same thing. I suppose grave digger sounds more interesting, plus they already had an undertaker on the show a few years back and don’t like to repeat themselves. Except with the rope and puzzle piece challenges.
And yet while James is such an obvious physical threat, none of the individual immunity challenges have suited his strength. This seemed to perhaps be the one, but Courtney – tiny little Courtney with the skeletal arms and Vampire-pale skin (and, I might point out, dark roots growing nicely through the bleached blonde hair after a month in the jungle) - did just as well in this challenge as James.
Erik managed to win, and the alignment of the (throwing) stars [sorry] allowed Amanda to put in place her brilliant idea of getting rid of James the alleged threat, and knocking both immunity idols out of play. Never mind that Todd and Jean-Robert both had the same idea a couple of weeks ago. Since Erik had immunity it was very easy to convince James that they were all sticking to the original plan of voting out PG next. And she played along, after a chat with Amanda in a desperate attempt to survive meant she was let in on the secret that James had been targeted instead of her. It was an enviable no-lose situation for PG: if James didn’t play one of his immunity idols in the crucial moment at Tribal Council he’d be eliminated, and if he did then whomever PG and Erik voted for would be gone.
Oddly enough she managed to last the remaining few hours until Tribal Council without stuffing up. There was a fabulously tense moment after the votes had been cast but before they were read out when Jeff told the remaining seven that if someone was going to play an immunity idol they had to do it right then. James looked at his bag, then back at Jeff and ... said nothing. He did hold them both up eventually, but that was during his farewell piece to camera as the credits rolled and they weren’t much use to him by then.
The ad for next week shows lots of people crying, so presumably it's the loved ones' visit. Either that or PG wins immunity again.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Survivor China: week 9
This is the fifteenth season of Survivor, and this week not only did the creative forces behind the scenes manage to get through two challenges that didn’t involve ropes or puzzle pieces, they also did something new and actually original with the opening credits. Instead of still showing everyone in their original tribes, they showed the members of the merged Hae Da Fung tribe, then showed the members of the jury, and left the dearly departed to rot in obscurity until the reunion show.
The aftermath of last week’s Tribal Council was bitter for some, scary for others and elated for one in particular. Denise is furious that nobody thought to tell her that the original plan of voting for PG, with which she had faithfully complied, had changed to voting for Jean-Robert. James had a nasty scare receiving three votes on a night when he didn’t even bother taking either immunity idol with him to Tribal Council. And Courtney is just pleased that Jean-Robert is gone. Pleased is perhaps an understatement.
Jean-Robert might be gone, but PG stepped comfortably into his shoes as the camp nag and painfully annoying person just begging to be voted off. As one of only three remaining Crouching Tiger members there’s a huge target painted on her forehead and her behaviour this week just drew attention to it, while Erik and Frosti both took the somewhat more tactically advantageous approach of sucking up to those by whom they are outnumbered.
Part of PG’s complaint is that she’s a total loser. In her own unique grammatical style, she described herself as "the most losing-est Survivor left in this game right now" for having won the fewest challenges. However, this week’s reward challenge started well for her. She won the draw to be a team captain, and won the Rock Paper Scissors competition to get first choice of who was on her team, quickly snapping up James. From there it went completely pear-shaped.
Each team had to manoeuvre an obstacle course (featuring numerous Bunnings terracotta warriors) while bouncing a tennis ball on a Chinese drum. PG’s team just couldn’t get it together, and the other team completed the course three times and had won before her group got anywhere near dropping a single ball where it needed to be.
Back at camp she laid the blame squarely on James for dawdling instead of running back to the start mat each of the many times they had to do that because they'd stuffed up. She’s right that he wasn't putting in 100%, but he wasn’t going to take any criticism from someone who had deliberately thrown a challenge in the past, and he wasn’t giving up his moral high ground either.
Meanwhile, Eric, Frosti, Courtney and Amanda were enjoying a feast of fried chicken, mashed potato and gravy during an overnight boat cruise on the Lee River. The scenery was spectacular, meaning it’s probably due to be dammed for a hydro-power plant some time in the next few years. Courtney and Frosti’s flirtation continued unabated. He openly acknowledges that she’s out of his league, but if he keeps giving her back rubs like that he’ll make up the gap pretty quickly. Erik had some flirtations of his own, both with Amanda and some goats by the river’s edge. He really does an impressive goat impersonation. Scarily impressive.
Back at camp, James, Denise and Todd were all worried about how alliances might be shifting, particularly if Courtney gets too close to someone scheduled to be picked off. James did a rather Biblical lecture about the importance of resisting temptation and not eating the damned apple. I suppose there’s nothing in the Bible about not eating the cheeseburger and fries.
That’s the only way to explain his gluttonous reaction at the Immunity Challenge the next day when Jeff gave everyone the choice between participating in the memory challenge for immunity or eating. Courtney, Todd and Denise joined him at the banquet table, while all three members of the former Crouching Tiger went for immunity, along with Amanda (who it seems is not having a wardrobe malfunction but just chose a swimsuit that’s too high-cut in the booty for prime-time American audiences, which is why it’s being pixelated. Think Kylie’s gold hotpants and you get the idea).
To everyone’s unanimous horror, PG won immunity. Well, the ones who ate weren’t too upset initially. Courtney and Todd both tried to answer Jeff’s questions, but their mouths were so full that their answers were unintelligible even to the geniuses who normally do the subtitles when somebody mumbles. About the only thing that came out clearly was Courtney’s observation as she stood up from the table that she was covered in mayonnaise. Maybe that was her way of taking something back to camp for Frosti.
Her loyalty was soon tested. With PG safe the others had to pick whether to vote out Erik or Frosti to keep the numbers in favour of the original Hidden Dragon members. And Frosti and Erik both knew it too, each wishing the other good luck if he managed to survive the night. Frosti wrenched himself away from Courtney’s skeletal clutches long enough to lobby Todd and point out how nice Erik is and what a threat that makes him if he reaches the final three. Todd didn’t buy it, and pointedly asked Courtney whether she is committed enough to the game to vote against Frosti when the time comes. She was non-committal. Todd was frustrated. The editors were happy that they could build some tension going into the vote.
With Jean-Robert gone, Courtney had nobody left to insult so it was a pretty boring Tribal Council. Frosti voted for Erik and Erik voted for Frosti, each expressing dismay that they had little choice. Everyone else voted for Frosti, too, including Courtney, so that’s him gone. Jeff still had one surprise, announcing that "the ability to adapt, moment to moment, is what’s going to keep you in this game. And we’re gonna test that right now. Tonight you will not be heading directly back to camp. We have more business to attend to here." Roll credits. And thanks to Channel 9 for deciding to only run a single episode when it ends on a cliff-hanger like that.
The aftermath of last week’s Tribal Council was bitter for some, scary for others and elated for one in particular. Denise is furious that nobody thought to tell her that the original plan of voting for PG, with which she had faithfully complied, had changed to voting for Jean-Robert. James had a nasty scare receiving three votes on a night when he didn’t even bother taking either immunity idol with him to Tribal Council. And Courtney is just pleased that Jean-Robert is gone. Pleased is perhaps an understatement.
Jean-Robert might be gone, but PG stepped comfortably into his shoes as the camp nag and painfully annoying person just begging to be voted off. As one of only three remaining Crouching Tiger members there’s a huge target painted on her forehead and her behaviour this week just drew attention to it, while Erik and Frosti both took the somewhat more tactically advantageous approach of sucking up to those by whom they are outnumbered.
Part of PG’s complaint is that she’s a total loser. In her own unique grammatical style, she described herself as "the most losing-est Survivor left in this game right now" for having won the fewest challenges. However, this week’s reward challenge started well for her. She won the draw to be a team captain, and won the Rock Paper Scissors competition to get first choice of who was on her team, quickly snapping up James. From there it went completely pear-shaped.
Each team had to manoeuvre an obstacle course (featuring numerous Bunnings terracotta warriors) while bouncing a tennis ball on a Chinese drum. PG’s team just couldn’t get it together, and the other team completed the course three times and had won before her group got anywhere near dropping a single ball where it needed to be.
Back at camp she laid the blame squarely on James for dawdling instead of running back to the start mat each of the many times they had to do that because they'd stuffed up. She’s right that he wasn't putting in 100%, but he wasn’t going to take any criticism from someone who had deliberately thrown a challenge in the past, and he wasn’t giving up his moral high ground either.
Meanwhile, Eric, Frosti, Courtney and Amanda were enjoying a feast of fried chicken, mashed potato and gravy during an overnight boat cruise on the Lee River. The scenery was spectacular, meaning it’s probably due to be dammed for a hydro-power plant some time in the next few years. Courtney and Frosti’s flirtation continued unabated. He openly acknowledges that she’s out of his league, but if he keeps giving her back rubs like that he’ll make up the gap pretty quickly. Erik had some flirtations of his own, both with Amanda and some goats by the river’s edge. He really does an impressive goat impersonation. Scarily impressive.
Back at camp, James, Denise and Todd were all worried about how alliances might be shifting, particularly if Courtney gets too close to someone scheduled to be picked off. James did a rather Biblical lecture about the importance of resisting temptation and not eating the damned apple. I suppose there’s nothing in the Bible about not eating the cheeseburger and fries.
That’s the only way to explain his gluttonous reaction at the Immunity Challenge the next day when Jeff gave everyone the choice between participating in the memory challenge for immunity or eating. Courtney, Todd and Denise joined him at the banquet table, while all three members of the former Crouching Tiger went for immunity, along with Amanda (who it seems is not having a wardrobe malfunction but just chose a swimsuit that’s too high-cut in the booty for prime-time American audiences, which is why it’s being pixelated. Think Kylie’s gold hotpants and you get the idea).
To everyone’s unanimous horror, PG won immunity. Well, the ones who ate weren’t too upset initially. Courtney and Todd both tried to answer Jeff’s questions, but their mouths were so full that their answers were unintelligible even to the geniuses who normally do the subtitles when somebody mumbles. About the only thing that came out clearly was Courtney’s observation as she stood up from the table that she was covered in mayonnaise. Maybe that was her way of taking something back to camp for Frosti.
Her loyalty was soon tested. With PG safe the others had to pick whether to vote out Erik or Frosti to keep the numbers in favour of the original Hidden Dragon members. And Frosti and Erik both knew it too, each wishing the other good luck if he managed to survive the night. Frosti wrenched himself away from Courtney’s skeletal clutches long enough to lobby Todd and point out how nice Erik is and what a threat that makes him if he reaches the final three. Todd didn’t buy it, and pointedly asked Courtney whether she is committed enough to the game to vote against Frosti when the time comes. She was non-committal. Todd was frustrated. The editors were happy that they could build some tension going into the vote.
With Jean-Robert gone, Courtney had nobody left to insult so it was a pretty boring Tribal Council. Frosti voted for Erik and Erik voted for Frosti, each expressing dismay that they had little choice. Everyone else voted for Frosti, too, including Courtney, so that’s him gone. Jeff still had one surprise, announcing that "the ability to adapt, moment to moment, is what’s going to keep you in this game. And we’re gonna test that right now. Tonight you will not be heading directly back to camp. We have more business to attend to here." Roll credits. And thanks to Channel 9 for deciding to only run a single episode when it ends on a cliff-hanger like that.
Monday, January 07, 2008
Survivor China: weeks 7 & 8
Firstly just to answer some questions from last week: yes I really am pregnant, and yes I was totally joking about those names. Although maybe Jeff for a boy...
Another double episode this week, which started with more of Courtney complaining about the way Jean-Robert treats her. Here’s a free hint, honey: he might be upset about you calling him a "really crappy person" at Tribal Council last night. That might have played a small part in your not being his favourite person either. Just guessing.
At Crouching Tiger, James listened to a seemingly endless string of sentences from PG, punctuated liberally with the word "like", until she ran out of meaningless things to say and wandered off to bore Jaime and Erik. He used the opportunity to discretely wrench both plaques off the gateway, keeping the one with the words "Congratulations – this is an immunity idol" in big letters on the back and leaving the other on the ground while he hid his treasure.
Jaime and Eric found the leftover plaque and decided that of course it must be an immunity idol. Later that night they showed what sweet little Southern Christians they are by going through James’ bag while he was away. They found two plaque-shaped lumps wrapped up in his pants but didn’t unwrap them all the way to check. And yet, despite knowing that James had already discarded it as worthless, they figured the one in Jaime’s bag must also be an immunity idol. The only people laughing harder than James did when he discovered someone had attributed value to the junk one, were the producers. No, let me correct that: I was laughing very hard later on when Jaime did a whole speech about how good she is at playing stupid, and that she might resemble Jessica Simpson but she’s not as dumb as she looks.
At the reward challenge Jeff yelled out "Drop your buffs: you are merged," then handed out nice clean black buffs for everyone to wear. James immediately wrapped his around his armpit, so it probably doesn’t smell so nice and fresh any more. The traditional merge feast included a floor show by some local acrobats and dancers. China might be a communist atheist country, but the dancing was decidedly liturgical.
Just before they headed off, Jeff reminded them – very pointedly– that "this game never stops." Later, back at what was the Hidden Tiger camp but is now home to Hae Da Fung (which, according to PG at least, means ‘Black Fighting Wind’), Jeff turned up unannounced and waving this season’s individual immunity necklace. He declared that the immunity challenge was about to start, and – oh gee, nobody could see this coming after what he said, only apparently none of them did – the challenge was a memory test about the floor show. The first three questions knocked out eight of the ten contestants, and Frosti was the only one to get the last question right so he won immunity.
Naturally the politicking kicked into overdrive. Todd and Amanda split up to improve their lobbying reach, with Todd drawing the short straw of ‘talking’ to Jean-Robert. It wasn’t so much talking to as being threatened by. His threat is to be a vocal jury advocate against Todd if he gets 'screwed over'. Since nobody takes anything JR says seriously, it was far less a threat than the machete he was waiving around as he said it.
Far more pleasant for Todd was having Jaime offer to tell him who has both immunity idols. He managed to keep a straight face, and so did Jeff when Jaime interrupted Tribal Council to present her ‘immunity idol’ and claim protection. Jean-Robert – who remember is supposed to make his living out of playing poker and keeping his emotions private – looked horrified, then openly laughed when Jeff tossed the plaque in the fire, and went straight back to horrified when the first vote featured his own name.
Poor Jaime, and poor me because her seven votes put me out of our office sweep. She thinks she’s out because she’s just too nice for Survivor. I think she’s out because she did something horrible going through James’ bag, did it poorly, and didn’t have a back-up plan.
Jean-Robert’s utterly crappy poker face, and the question over who has real immunity idols, were the dominating themes in the night’s second episode. In fact the entire episode was neatly encapsulated in an early quote from James: "We need to keep Jean-Robert’s dumb ass in line because we’re stuck with him now."
After a few scenes of Todd starting to panic about his alliances, and getting peeved that James hasn’t bothered to give back the immunity idol he was handed, it was straight into the reward challenge. Three people from one team armed with buckets of water tried to sink a small boat piloted by someone from the other team, who was trying to simultaneously paddle out of reach and bail out the water. Wow, no knots or puzzle pieces this week!
For once Courtney actually got selected as an asset for her team, since her tiny frame would theoretically stop her boat from sinking as quickly. The plan backfired when in the first round she just sat in the boat, neither paddling or bailing, and in the second round wasn’t strong enough to get any water in the other team’s boat. And she complains that they always leave her out of challenges!
The close-knit group of Todd, Amanda and James, plus Jean-Robert, won a reward of food and relaxation. They also won the last clue to – gasp! – the location of the real immunity idol! Jean-Robert was the only person actually shocked by this, but the others did a very impressive job of covering up the fact that every single other person in camp already knows James has both.
Doing a less successful job of covering up was Amanda. Something happened to her bikini bottom during the challenge, and her entire butt was pixelated for the rest of the episode, so there's obviously some kind of major construction failure down there.
PG was just as hard at work as the editing suite staff, pointing out that the five who didn’t get to go on the reward outnumbered the four who did and trying to form a new alliance. It was a noble effort, but the only agreement she got was that it would be horrible to be voted out before Jean-Robert.
Speaking of the great man, he spent most of the night idol hunting. He’s got every single one of the clues they’re going to give – and those production guys are not subtle – but it still seemed to take most of the night. In the end he collected up the three remaining plaques and decided that one of them must be it, and he just needed to figure out which one and not repeat Jaime’s mistake.
Todd, still snippy about James not giving back a real idol, decided to vote James out as soon as he didn’t win immunity since that would knock both out of play. Amanda had to yet again try and talk him out of changing plans mid-stream. Common sense didn’t work, but the horrifying discovery that Jean-Robert had come up with the exact same idea about James made it suddenly seem far less appealing. Funny about that.
Even funnier was that Jean-Robert got the idea of turning on his best pal James after Erik blabbed about the idols in James’ pants. He tried to trap James in a lie about what he knew and when, but even James – who is sweet, but confuses the words "immunity idol" and "immunisation idol" – managed to wiggle out of the not-very-cunning ‘trap’ set for him.
In a shock outcome, Courtney won the immunity challenge. It involved staying balanced on a barrel that was leaking water. She managed to remain perfectly still for nearly forty minutes, a feat she attributed jointly to sheer laziness and a desperate desire not to fall in the swamp.
Jaime graced the Tribal Council jury box in a dress and cowboy boots, looking more like Jessica Simpson than ever. Jean-Robert managed to wangle in a poker analogy, describing PG and Erik - the last remaining Crouching Tiger members - as having been dealt "the deuce-seven off-suit in a no limit game". Even I’ve played enough Texas Hold’em to know that means a really crappy hand, but I’ve also managed to keep a straight face holding a straight flush. In a repeat of the first episode, Jean-Robert’s face swung from horror at the first vote, to glee as James got three in a row (with Denise voting for PG for some weird reason), and back to despondency as the final four votes knocked him out of the game.
In his final interview he claimed that they voted him out because he was the best player and the biggest threat. The sad thing is that even if he watches the show and hears what they really said he’ll still believe it, which is precisely the personality flaw for which he was voted out in the first place. I bet he counts his money when he’s sittin’ at the table, too.
Another double episode this week, which started with more of Courtney complaining about the way Jean-Robert treats her. Here’s a free hint, honey: he might be upset about you calling him a "really crappy person" at Tribal Council last night. That might have played a small part in your not being his favourite person either. Just guessing.
At Crouching Tiger, James listened to a seemingly endless string of sentences from PG, punctuated liberally with the word "like", until she ran out of meaningless things to say and wandered off to bore Jaime and Erik. He used the opportunity to discretely wrench both plaques off the gateway, keeping the one with the words "Congratulations – this is an immunity idol" in big letters on the back and leaving the other on the ground while he hid his treasure.
Jaime and Eric found the leftover plaque and decided that of course it must be an immunity idol. Later that night they showed what sweet little Southern Christians they are by going through James’ bag while he was away. They found two plaque-shaped lumps wrapped up in his pants but didn’t unwrap them all the way to check. And yet, despite knowing that James had already discarded it as worthless, they figured the one in Jaime’s bag must also be an immunity idol. The only people laughing harder than James did when he discovered someone had attributed value to the junk one, were the producers. No, let me correct that: I was laughing very hard later on when Jaime did a whole speech about how good she is at playing stupid, and that she might resemble Jessica Simpson but she’s not as dumb as she looks.
At the reward challenge Jeff yelled out "Drop your buffs: you are merged," then handed out nice clean black buffs for everyone to wear. James immediately wrapped his around his armpit, so it probably doesn’t smell so nice and fresh any more. The traditional merge feast included a floor show by some local acrobats and dancers. China might be a communist atheist country, but the dancing was decidedly liturgical.
Just before they headed off, Jeff reminded them – very pointedly– that "this game never stops." Later, back at what was the Hidden Tiger camp but is now home to Hae Da Fung (which, according to PG at least, means ‘Black Fighting Wind’), Jeff turned up unannounced and waving this season’s individual immunity necklace. He declared that the immunity challenge was about to start, and – oh gee, nobody could see this coming after what he said, only apparently none of them did – the challenge was a memory test about the floor show. The first three questions knocked out eight of the ten contestants, and Frosti was the only one to get the last question right so he won immunity.
Naturally the politicking kicked into overdrive. Todd and Amanda split up to improve their lobbying reach, with Todd drawing the short straw of ‘talking’ to Jean-Robert. It wasn’t so much talking to as being threatened by. His threat is to be a vocal jury advocate against Todd if he gets 'screwed over'. Since nobody takes anything JR says seriously, it was far less a threat than the machete he was waiving around as he said it.
Far more pleasant for Todd was having Jaime offer to tell him who has both immunity idols. He managed to keep a straight face, and so did Jeff when Jaime interrupted Tribal Council to present her ‘immunity idol’ and claim protection. Jean-Robert – who remember is supposed to make his living out of playing poker and keeping his emotions private – looked horrified, then openly laughed when Jeff tossed the plaque in the fire, and went straight back to horrified when the first vote featured his own name.
Poor Jaime, and poor me because her seven votes put me out of our office sweep. She thinks she’s out because she’s just too nice for Survivor. I think she’s out because she did something horrible going through James’ bag, did it poorly, and didn’t have a back-up plan.
Jean-Robert’s utterly crappy poker face, and the question over who has real immunity idols, were the dominating themes in the night’s second episode. In fact the entire episode was neatly encapsulated in an early quote from James: "We need to keep Jean-Robert’s dumb ass in line because we’re stuck with him now."
After a few scenes of Todd starting to panic about his alliances, and getting peeved that James hasn’t bothered to give back the immunity idol he was handed, it was straight into the reward challenge. Three people from one team armed with buckets of water tried to sink a small boat piloted by someone from the other team, who was trying to simultaneously paddle out of reach and bail out the water. Wow, no knots or puzzle pieces this week!
For once Courtney actually got selected as an asset for her team, since her tiny frame would theoretically stop her boat from sinking as quickly. The plan backfired when in the first round she just sat in the boat, neither paddling or bailing, and in the second round wasn’t strong enough to get any water in the other team’s boat. And she complains that they always leave her out of challenges!
The close-knit group of Todd, Amanda and James, plus Jean-Robert, won a reward of food and relaxation. They also won the last clue to – gasp! – the location of the real immunity idol! Jean-Robert was the only person actually shocked by this, but the others did a very impressive job of covering up the fact that every single other person in camp already knows James has both.
Doing a less successful job of covering up was Amanda. Something happened to her bikini bottom during the challenge, and her entire butt was pixelated for the rest of the episode, so there's obviously some kind of major construction failure down there.
PG was just as hard at work as the editing suite staff, pointing out that the five who didn’t get to go on the reward outnumbered the four who did and trying to form a new alliance. It was a noble effort, but the only agreement she got was that it would be horrible to be voted out before Jean-Robert.
Speaking of the great man, he spent most of the night idol hunting. He’s got every single one of the clues they’re going to give – and those production guys are not subtle – but it still seemed to take most of the night. In the end he collected up the three remaining plaques and decided that one of them must be it, and he just needed to figure out which one and not repeat Jaime’s mistake.
Todd, still snippy about James not giving back a real idol, decided to vote James out as soon as he didn’t win immunity since that would knock both out of play. Amanda had to yet again try and talk him out of changing plans mid-stream. Common sense didn’t work, but the horrifying discovery that Jean-Robert had come up with the exact same idea about James made it suddenly seem far less appealing. Funny about that.
Even funnier was that Jean-Robert got the idea of turning on his best pal James after Erik blabbed about the idols in James’ pants. He tried to trap James in a lie about what he knew and when, but even James – who is sweet, but confuses the words "immunity idol" and "immunisation idol" – managed to wiggle out of the not-very-cunning ‘trap’ set for him.
In a shock outcome, Courtney won the immunity challenge. It involved staying balanced on a barrel that was leaking water. She managed to remain perfectly still for nearly forty minutes, a feat she attributed jointly to sheer laziness and a desperate desire not to fall in the swamp.
Jaime graced the Tribal Council jury box in a dress and cowboy boots, looking more like Jessica Simpson than ever. Jean-Robert managed to wangle in a poker analogy, describing PG and Erik - the last remaining Crouching Tiger members - as having been dealt "the deuce-seven off-suit in a no limit game". Even I’ve played enough Texas Hold’em to know that means a really crappy hand, but I’ve also managed to keep a straight face holding a straight flush. In a repeat of the first episode, Jean-Robert’s face swung from horror at the first vote, to glee as James got three in a row (with Denise voting for PG for some weird reason), and back to despondency as the final four votes knocked him out of the game.
In his final interview he claimed that they voted him out because he was the best player and the biggest threat. The sad thing is that even if he watches the show and hears what they really said he’ll still believe it, which is precisely the personality flaw for which he was voted out in the first place. I bet he counts his money when he’s sittin’ at the table, too.
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