Survivor Guatemala: finale

So it's all over for another season, and the faithful get their Friday nights back. In the best possible way, the theme for the final episode was tradition and keeping strictly to the prayer book and the established rituals.

The final four of Danni, Stephanie, Rafe and particularly Latina Lydia were treated to a visit from a Mayan family, who charmingly waved some incense around, blessed the campsite and then ripped the head off a live chicken before throwing it into a sacrificial fire. Rafe chose not to eat the chicken, but got just as wet as the girls who did after the gods sought their revenge by sending a massive thunderstorm. Well, that’s what it sounded like Stephanie was fervently apologising to them for, anyway!

The immunity challenge was set in the biggest maze yet built for Survivor. This one was in the shape of a Mayan eagle motif, and the only question was whether it took the production crew longer to assemble it or clear the hectares of virgin jungle on which it stood. Survivors had to find eight puzzle pieces from different locations in the maze, then bring them back one-by-one across a pond full of marine-grade plywood pontoons and up a rope ladder to the assembly area. With Lydia at a natural disadvantage as the only one too short to see over the partitions, it came down to a race between Stephanie, Rafe and Danni. Rafe won, and it then became a race to see whether Danni or Steph could leverage the most out of their alliance with him using his natural goodness and decency as the pivot point.

At Tribal Council the talk was all about the chicken, except for the bits where Stephanie and Danni subtly undermined each other in front of the rest of the jury. Lydia's outfit, as usual, was far too clean and neatly pressed to be able to convince anyone that she'd been working hard at the challenges, and she was voted out unanimously in a surprising decision that left the three toughest to fight it out among themselves.

One of the worst parts of making it to the final three is having to do the walk down memory lane and pretend to remember anything about those voted out early or try to say something nice about those voted out mid-season. While some weird black and white sketches of each person were ritualistically put in a fire we got some archival footage of that person (so we could remember what they really looked like, because the sketches were very little help) and their thoughts on the game. Judd actually claimed that the jungle had calmed him down, which is slightly terrifying.

The final three immunity challenge is ALWAYS a test of sheer grit and determination. Having learnt from last year's utter debacle in Palau when they lasted over twelve hours, this challenge was designed to be unbeatable. Survivors had to stand on a wobble board with two ropes to hold onto for the first hour. For the next half hour they only had one rope to hold onto, and all ended up leaning against one of the poles behind them. After that it was "look Mom, no hands!", with Rafe pushing himself into a more comfortable position in a momentary mental blank, and instantly eliminating himself. Danni's longer legs made the difference, but Stephanie didn't give up until she'd slid all the way down the pole and was weeping with the pain in her back, which could have been either muscular or sever splinters.

Rafe's mental blank turned out to be not so momentary as he released Danni from a promise she'd made to take him to the final two. Interestingly it was a unilateral promise, and there had been no reciprocal obligation on Rafe to take Danni to the final two. She actually admitted that her afternoon would have been easier had he held her to the promise, but having to choose she took the competitor she was more likely to beat, and in the process guaranteed Stephanie at least $100,000. Of course first we had to go through a full tribal council, including Rafe relating the story of telling Danni to follow her heart, despite her promise. The jury members might not be allowed to speak verbally at this point, but their body language was screaming that they all thought Rafe was an idiot. He probably agreed after Jeff went through the usual ceremonial script – in its once-a-season singular form – and read out the vote against him.

Another end-of-season tradition is the arson attack on anything not nailed down at camp, which was still impressive despite everything being soaked and mouldy, including the remaining food. With their final interviews to camera, Steph and Danni revealed their jury interview strategies. Danni's was to be the All American Girl who is nice to everyone. Stephanie's was to point out to the jury that she deserves to win simply because she's in the final two, and they're not, so she's better than them. Hmmm.

Sure enough, Danni answered like the beauty pageant pro she is, and Stephanie got a little bit too defensive. The jury members stuck to previous form with their questions. Bobby Jon talked about pride; Gary demanded honesty; Cindy asked one of the best questions in Survivor jury history ("If you could eliminate one person from the jury, who would it be and why?"); Rafe talking about strategy, and Judd (who the producers saved for last) just rambled and "man'd" and called everyone else liars.

Judd seemed most upset at Stephanie for lying to his wife, and once again needs to consult his dictionary to understand that if Stephanie honestly believed she had a strong alliance with Judd during that conversation with Kristen, and only changed her mind after finding out the next day that Judd wanted to eliminate the strongest players, she wasn't lying. He'll get it one day. Maybe. It didn't seem that way when Jeff called him on it at the reunion.

It was missing last season, but this year we again got the cheesy footage of Jeff's allegedly direct flight by helicopter from Guatemala to Los Angeles, which took so long that everyone else beat him there and had time to regain most of the weight they'd lost. Since only one vote for Stephanie was read out we can probably assume safely that Rafe's was the only one she secured, so Danni won in a whitewash and collected a new car (sorry, a Pontiac Torrent) as well as the million dollars. I hope she spends part of it on nutritious food. If she doesn't she can always get a job in a high school biology lab as the skeleton.

As usual the reunion special was a collection of Survivor Guatemala's Most Embarrassing Home Videos to remind the idiots what idiots they made of themselves. We got to see the missing footage of Gary finding the individual immunity idol and some of his illustrious football career (which I'm sure he was more than happy to provide to the producers). The question was asked whether the vote would have been different had Cindy given everyone else the cars (sorry, Pontiac Torrents), and Blake was asked for his girlfriend's reaction to having her breast size boasted to the whole world.

We also got the preview for the next series, which will once again be set in Panama but with the twist of a solitary confinement "exile island" and some new tribe formation.

Once again it has been my absolute pleasure to inflict my obsession on you all, and I hope that you enjoyed the season as much as I did. Now grab your torches and head back to camp!

Survivor Guatemala: week 13

Considering how relieved everyone was after Jamie got voted out it's just surprising that it took them so long to get rid of Judd. The jaunty xylophone background music matched the new goofy and "slightly dorkier" (according to Rafe) ambience now that Mister Mood Swing has been relegated to the Jury. Lydia says Rafe is just one of the girls. Rafe prefers to think of them as his 'angels'. Either way they're all a bit shocked that the most challenging, physical Survivor ever has come down to four women and a gay man.

We were spared the crappy tree mail poem about the reward challenge this week. Instead the mail box just contained a set of car keys. The car reward has been a feature at this late stage of the game since the first series' ratings success left Detroit's finest tripping over themselves for a share of the product placement opportunities. This season it was a Pontiac Torrent that had everyone drooling and dreaming.

The challenge was a rehash of elements of previous challenges, including balancing while untying things, throwing war clubs to break tiles, arranging puzzle pieces to form a Maya astral calendar and rolling down the hill in a mine cart. As well as the car the winner got an overnight stay, BBQ, and in yet another reference to previous challenges the company of a real life archaeologist (who, for the record, looked absolutely nothing like Harrison Ford).

Cindy just pipped Stephanie at the winner's post, and got the car (sorry, the Pontiac Torrent). Naturally she got to choose someone to go on the reward with her, which is always tricky politically. She stuck to her past safe pattern of picking the runner up, but not before having to make an agonising choice. Jeff pointed out that in nine previous series, the winner of the car challenge has never gone on to win the million dollars. She had the option to possibly break the curse by giving up her Pontiac Torrent and letting the other four all get a Pontiac Torrent each instead. In the end she rationalised that the car isn't the curse, it's being a strong competitor, and that giving the others a car wouldn't guarantee her safety and might just leave her with nothing, so she kept the Pontiac Torrent for herself. I'm sure the fact the others hadn't told her they'd all decided to suddenly vote out Judd instead of Lydia - which pretty much proved she's on the outer edges of her alliance, and hadn't gone down well - had nothing at all to do with her decision.

There were two distinct reactions to Cindy's decision among the other four. Stephanie and Lydia both applauded, agreed with her decision and were happy for her. Rafe and Danni were stunned that she hadn't shared, and it showed on their faces and was the topic of much discussion between them back at camp. The result was a firm promise between Danni and Rafe to take each other through to the final three, but Danni sounds like she still isn't confident enough that she's completely shattered the old Yaxhá alliance yet, and Rafe might be a little too nice in trusting her so completely.

Meanwhile, after several minutes of footage showing how much fun it is to drive a Pontiac Torrent, Cindy and Stephanie arrived at the archaeologist's camp and their BBQ. Sure they cooked steak and sausages, but why on earth did they cook the corn on the cob? Have they not had enough corn to last a lifetime? Was there not more than enough other food?

Cindy's lapse of good judgement continued back at camp, where she spent what was edited to look like hours rabbiting on about her Pontiac Torrent, and how nice it is to drive, and how good the suspension is, and how much she liked the shape of the tail lights. She was convinced that nobody at camp seemed to have any qualms about her winning the car. Well, they might not have when she first arrived back, but they sure did by the time she'd finished rubbing it in.

The immunity challenge was also a rehash of previous challenge elements. Survivors were tied to a rope, then shackled at the hands and feet and given a set of ten keys which they had to use to undo locks at various stages through the course, and free up enough rope to reach the finish line. Stephanie managed to win her first ever individual immunity challenge, and I suspect it's her first ever individual challenge win at all. Either way she was so happy she burst into tears, and we got our first glimpse of the old Stephanie from Palau, not the angry, power-hungry bully we've had this season.

The afternoon's politicking reached a new level of frenzy back at camp. Cindy pushed to vote out Rafe as the biggest threat, because he's won both mental and physical challenges. Danni pushed to vote out Cindy as the biggest threat, because she's never betrayed anyone and would be too tough to beat in the final two as a result. Stephanie worried about breaking yet another alliance and once again voting out the person who had just shared their reward. Lydia kept her head down.

At Tribal Council, Bobby Jon was resplendent in a pink shirt and Judd looked clean and clean-shaven for a change but still exceedingly cross. He seemed delighted when Cindy was voted out 4-1, which is strange considering she was the only one not to vote for him the week before. Perhaps he was just admiring her style when she farewelled the others with the words, "I'll think about you guys while I’m watching the stars through the sunroof of my new car."

Remember that the final is on TV this Monday night at 8.30pm. We'll get to see who's in the final three, the jury interview (always good for a laugh), the results and the cheesy reunion. We should also get a preview of where the next series is being filmed, and perhaps even a hint as to who the new host will be now that Jeff is hanging up his cargo shorts. I just want to see Jeff and Phil Keoghan from The Amazing Race in tuxedos presenting an award at the Emmys one more time. Grrrrrrlllll!

Survivor Guatemala: week 12

Well it's day 31 and only six Survivors left, all of whom are treading very carefully. Despite Judd having been outed as someone who willingly lies without provocation, everyone is ignoring it and saying nothing. Fortunately Judd had plenty to say by the end of the episode, but we'll get to that later.

The reward challenge was the classic Survivor auction, but with a couple of twists. The first is that Jeff didn't end his explanation of the challenge with the words, "Worth playing for?", which in itself was unusual. The auction opened with Danni paying $20 for a plate of beef jerky, Cindy paying $40 for a plate of cookies and a glass of milk, and Lydia – who you'll remember has been bitching and moaning non-stop about how hungry she is – spent $140 on a personal mosquito net.

Danni knew she was the next target as the final remaining member of Yaxhá, and paid $200 for an "advantage" at the next immunity challenge. The final lot was the somewhat predictable really worthwhile prize, which walked around the corner of a pyramid on cue in the form of loved ones, live. (Yes, I was wrong two weeks ago when I said it wouldn't happen now that the videos have been shown.) Judd, with a loan from Cindy, managed to outbid Stephanie and got to have his wife stay over in camp for the night. His bid also bought him the right to choose two other loved ones to also stay, so Cindy got her money's worth after all and once again Jersey loyalty saw Stephanie win just as big as Judd.

While Rafe, Danni and Lydia were exiled to the old Yaxhá camp (and spent the time constructively working out how to break up the Judd-Stephanie connection), Judd got to impress his city-girl wife with what a 'sexy camper' he is. Stephanie's boyfriend helped collect firewood, and oddly used Judd's "throw a large branch on the ground and hopefully it'll break in half" trick, with the same non-result. Must be a Jersey thing.

The immunity challenge was a kind of hexagonal, 3D chess board, which Judd seemed comfortably with until Jeff announced that it was a game which "requires smarts". Players took one step each turn by flipping a tile from white to red then standing on it. Since you could only stand on a white tile either directly in front or beside, people soon ran out of moves and were out of the game. Danni's 'advantage' purchased at the auction was the right to change places with any other player, once. She waited until Jeff announced out that Stephanie had carved herself out a nice piece of real estate then promptly took it. Strangely enough, Cindy and Rafe were out before Judd, but Danni's purchased advantage (and Stephanie's hard work) made the difference and she got to wear the immunity necklace the week she needed it most.

Back at camp she proved her listening skills again. Rafe had told her that they'd need to catch Judd in a lie to prove to Stephanie his untrustworthiness and break up their alliance, but it didn't even take that. Stephanie watched Danni listen in on a conversation between Judd and Lydia, then quizzed her about its content, obviously not trusting Judd. It was a real pleasure to watch Danni reel a big game player in like a marlin, slowly feeding out the lines then pouncing once it was clear she had her hooked. Rafe, too, managed to play it cool when Steph approached him with the idea to vote Judd out. Lydia, who'd told Judd he needed a plan, was running around camp offering her vote to anyone who wanted it.

Rather than say any more about tonight's episode I'm just going to present as series of statements from Judd, which tell you all you need to know.

1. Judd giving advice to a clearly worried Lydia after Danni won immunity:
   "Nobody's safe here tonight. If you think you're safe in this game you're crazy. You're absolutely berserk. You're never safe in this game."
   
   
2. Judd answering a question from Jeff at Tribal Council about how tough it is to vote someone out at this stage, after three others saying it's really hard because they're like a family, and you have to think about the jury and the final two:
   "I'll tell you what, to be honest with you. No matter what they all say, everybody wants someone to go home. They're sitting here making believe, like "Ah, man, it's gonna suck". That's not the case, man. Everybody wants someone to go home. That's the bottom line; that's what we're here for. The only way you move on is somebody goes home. No hard feelings, just deal with it."
   
   
3. Judd after being voted out 4-2:
   "Thanks guys. Hope you guys all get bit by a freakin' crocodile. Scumbags."
   
   
4. Judd's piece to camera during the closing credits:
   "I'm really pissed off. I mean, I feel, I…I was…pissed off, lied to, betrayed. It doesn't feel good being lied to. It sucks being lied to, man, because one thing I didn't do was lie to anybody, man. But hey, get rid of the biggest target and that's what they did, man, so I really believe you're a bunch of scumbags and I can't wait until the final two, man. I'll have a lot more to say than that, man."

Didn't I say that's all you need to know!

Survivor Guatemala: week 11

I've always had a sneaking suspicion that the producers must enforce a silence rule on the trip back to camp from Tribal Council and the challenges. It's strange that nobody discusses what happened until after they're all back on stage where the cameras can catch everything from different angles. I don't know what incentive they use to keep everyone silent, but it must be powerful; Judd was able to wait until they were all back at camp before exploding into a fit of pretending not to be upset (and some Tourette's frequency "man") that his alliance didn't update him on the decision to vote Jamie out.

According to my Australian Pocket Oxford Dictionary, a lie is an intentionally false statement or something that deceives. I somehow doubt Judd has ever looked the word up, which is why he thinks that Gary telling Judd that Lydia and Cindy should be out of the game, and then asking Lydia for an alliance, is a lie (although to whom Gary had allegedly lied remains unclear, probably to both Judd and us). To me it's a damn fine strategic move now that Jamie's eviction shows there are cracks in the old Nakúm alliance.

This week's reward challenge is a Survivor classic, designed to show where alliances really stand. Competitors use big cubes to answer multiple choice and true/false questions about, in this case, Guatemala. A correct answer gives you a chance to put someone else out of the game in some symbolic way, which this season was three clay pots full of corn for each Survivor representing three strikes and you're out. The amount of strength required to smash the pot makes it none too subtle when someone has been targeted. Gary and Cindy hitting each other was to be expected, since they vote for each other at Tribal Council most weeks. Lydia targeting Stephanie, on the grounds that Stephanie always wins the food rewards and gets to eat, was perhaps good logic but poor strategy because Stephanie took it VERY personally that she was the first one out of the game. The fact Stephanie got none of the questions right is irrelevant. The fact that she almost had one answer right, then copied Judd and ended up getting it wrong, shows her not to be the master tactician some think she is.

As predicted in the pre-season form guide, Rafe did very well on the Guatemala quiz and got nearly every question right. Unfortunately he got one wrong when it was down to just he and Cindy, so she only needed to get the next one right to win. Unfortunately for Rafe it was a question was about crocodiles, and Cindy is a zoologist specialising in alligators, so the result was a given. Fortunately for Rafe, Cindy was cluey enough to pick the challenge runner up – ie. the person who second most deserves it – to share the reward, and avoid any further political ramifications.

Back at camp (and again, only once they were back at camp and the cameras were in place), Stephanie was furious at Lydia, and that fury blinded her to a few key facts:

1. Lydia wanted to win the food reward so she picked off the strongest competitor first, which is good sense.
2. Between getting to share Judd's win a couple of weeks back, and choosing to eat instead of participate in the post-merge immunity challenge, Stephanie has done the most public gorging in front of the others.
3. If you're going to try and mount a defence that others have eaten just as much as you, don't do it with a mouthful of corn.

The bad mood spread, with Judd starting up again about everyone else lying and Lydia retreating to eat her fish-leftovers gruel and behave churlishly when Rafe and Cindy returned from their feast. Lydia has either inherited Jamie's paranoia, or has finally twigged that the others are using her for her vote. Gee, we've never seen that on Survivor before!

The immunity challenge was yet another form of Guatemala quiz, with very similar results. Jeff told a story of a woman who left her first husband, was unfaithful to her second, then cheated on her new lover with his brother. As much as it sounds like modern Moe it was actually a Mayan fable about the moon goddess Ixchel. Survivors had to run around and answer questions about the fable by opening one of two answer boxes. The correct answer box had a flag, and the first to retrieve seven flags won. The incorrect answer box had a stick, which had to be returned to the start point and thrown in a fire before attempting to answer another question. Thanks to Judd, Stephanie, Lydia and Dannii the fire was burning nicely by the time Rafe beat Gary back with his seventh flag, and yet again won immunity. I can offer no better comment than to quote Rafe: "Who would see this little gay Mormon and think he would win most of the immunity challenges?"

Tribal Council was interesting for a number of reasons, not least of them being the fact that Jamie and Bobby Jon have apparently gotten over their differences and are now best buddies on the jury. Lydia made the mistake of answering in the affirmative when asked by Jeff whether Stephanie is running the camp, which didn't go down well. Judd made the mistake of using Gary as an example of how everyone else is lying all the time. As expected, he couldn’t define how Gary's days earlier assertion that Lydia and Cindy didn't deserve to be in the game was a lie, so Gary explained it to him is simple terms. "This is a lie: 'Hey guys, the idol is on the ground.' That's a lie." It was a beautiful television moment watching Judd, who'd only moments earlier claimed "I don't think I've lied yet", try and "man" his way out of it.

Of course, the only person truly amused by it (other than everyone in TV land) was Gary, but it made no difference to the voting. With Gary gone, the only secret exposed at Tribal Council that will matter will be Judd's so blatent lie about the individual immunity idol clue, and it'll be fascinating to see his alliance's reaction to that. We’ll just have to wait until they all get back to camp.

Survivor Guatemala: week 10

The reality of reality TV is that these people are out there doing this crazy stuff for the sole purpose of entertaining me. Be honest: if I'm not entertained I don't watch, advertisers can't try to sell me stuff, and the network doesn't make any money from advertising revenue, which is the whole reason for bothering in the first place. Lucky for them, I find it terribly entertaining to watch greedy people lining up to be starved and tortured and humiliated for the chance to win US$640,000 after taxes.

On those criteria, Jamie has been one of the most entertaining competitors this year. He started this week's episode trying to pick a fight with anyone who'd take him on. Trouble was, nobody wanted to. He accused Gary of lying, then accused Gary of accusing him of lying, despite everyone else assuring him that Gary said no such thing. He told Gary, "I'm just as mad as you" but his inability to get Gary even a little miffed just made Jamie madder. I suspect the absence of guns in the jungle made the case for gun control far better than Mike Moore could ever hope to, simply because if he'd had the access Jamie would probably have shot someone in lieu of the ability to logically and rationally express his feelings in an appropriate way.

The reward challenge looked like an equestrian show jumping course set in a mud pit. Survivors were tied together and had to work as pairs to get through the mud, over some jumps and under others, collect jars of corn and carry them back through the mud and the same obstacles in a joint relay effort with another pair. Each Survivor was tethered to someone of their own gender, and fortunately for the producers (and their efforts to attract the "breathing male" demographic) the draw ended up with Stephanie and Danni tied together, in bikinis, crawling through the mud. In another fabulous twist, Stephanie and Danni teamed up with Gary and Judd and won the reward, so we had both remaining members of Yaxhá on the overnight reward with about 18 hours to ingratiate themselves and suck up big time to those trying to vote them off.

And what a reward it was. Tick off the traditional reward elements:

1. Helicopter flight;
2. The chance to shower in fresh water (more lingering shots over Steph and Danni in the shower together, not such lingering shots of Judd stripping off and showering nude);
3. A large quantity of food;
4. Accommodation somewhere gorgeous, sleeping in a real bed on a mattress with pillows;
5. Produce placement food rewards (in this case Folgers coffer, in six delicious flavours, all rapturously devoured by people who haven't had coffee in over three weeks and would have reacted the same way to International Roast); AND
6. Videos from home of their loved ones.

Aside from an in-person loved-ones visit, which I now doubt will happen, about the only other reward in the classics library is the car someone will win in another product placement frenzy when we get down to the final four or five.

Fortunately for Gary his family video didn't reveal his secret past, although I think if you watched the tape really carefully there was bound to be a number of clues in the background. Gary's the kind of guy to have all of his trophies and media clippings on prominent display at home. Even more fortunately for Gary he had the chance to put his case forward to both Stephanie and Judd, and try to convince them that the biggest glory will come from bettering a genuine competitor, and not someone unpleasant who would be really easy to beat in the final jury vote.

Speaking of Jamie, he was back at camp in a state of total paranoia, nagging everyone for a commitment to the final six and stretching poor Rafe's honesty and manners to the limit. Cindy actually smiled when Stephanie brought her back some of the FOLGERS coffee (remember that name, folks), but Rafe was smiling even more when the others arrived home and gave him an escape from Jamie's constant company.

For the immunity challenge, Survivors were clipped at the waist to a ring threaded onto a rope. Each rope was then tied around three timber structures, and the object was to get through the puzzle fastest. The tight spaces and the complex winding of the rope around them was weighted against the gangly and the stupid, which left Danni, Gary and Judd behind after the first round. It was desperately close in the closing stages of the final, but Rafe managed to edge out Cindy to achieve a 2-1-0 record from three starts, and making him the most unlikely individual immunity threat in Survivor history.

Back at camp, Jamie once again started nagging Rafe to stick with the Nakúm alliance of six, and finally managed to get a "No" answer to the question of "Will you vote for me?" Rafe was smart enough to add the caveat, "But if you ask me about it again I might change my mind" and was thanked with the words, "I'm gonna kill you. I'm just gonna murder you. I mean seriously, I'm just gonna murder you." The fact Jamie was smiling when he said it just made it even creepier. See what I mean about gun control?

Rafe must have taken it seriously, though, because he put to both Lydia and Stephanie the idea of voting Jamie off that night. Danni and Gary had already made it clear that was their plan, and Cindy was also clearly sick of him and his paranoia. Obviously – and for whatever reason - the message never made it to Judd, who seemed more shocked by the vote outcome at Tribal Council than Jamie.

At least Jamie's consistent. As his torch was snuffed, he turned to the rest and screamed, "Blindsided! Nice! Now THAT'S how you vote somebody out." Then he mumbled something, which I suspect would have been beeped had it been articulated better. Once again, it was really hard to tell if he was joking or not. Either way, he gets to join Bobby Jon on the jury, although hopefully he won't be wearing white pants and a red shirt and looking quite as much like Peter Allen as Bobby Jon did. I also hope the producers remember to install a metal detector at the jury entrance to tribal council.

And the irony of all this: you're actually not paranoid if everyone really is out to get you.

Survivor Guatemala: week 9

This week confirmed for me that the words "white trash" only sound right in a Southern accent, and Jamie's pronunciation is Jerry Springer perfect. He's still got his nose out of joint ("I'm not angry, my feelings are hurt") about Bobby Jon calling him 'no class', and the combination of red-neck rambling and the onset of jungle paranoia makes him this season's James and Janu all in one.

Gary used the ongoing search for the Individual Immunity Idol as the opportunity to raise once again his glorious football past. I still can't understand how the story of his come-from-behind-win twenty years ago fits as a metaphor for finding the idol, but apparently it doesn't have to as long as everyone out in TV land remembers who you are.

The reward challenge was a large horizontal archery target with a big post representing the bulls eye. Survivors had to throw an arrow using a Mayan spear-thrower, with the various food rewards being assigned based on who landed their arrow closest (and yes, Jeff, the reward was worth playing for – they all are – so you can stop asking that every week). Judd went first, and while Jeff described his impressive throw as "the mark to beat" nobody managed to and he won steak, lobster, dessert and – scariest of all – a free open bar.

As is often the case at this stage of the game, Judd as winner got to invite two others to share in his prize, which usually shows up who has alliances and where the political fault lines fall. Judd was surprisingly canny and picked Bobby Jon and Stephanie to represent each tribe (although to be honest he made that decision before the bar opened and his judgement went out the window). The others all had to sit by and watch while the three of them got steadily drunker over a two hour binge. Gary, who won a single slice of pizza for coming fifth, stared at Judd with only slightly less intensity than the pet dogs living at the guest house where the feast was held.

Judd showed surprising nous in his choice of friends, but Jamie showed sheer rat cunning by relinquishing his fourth place burger and beer for the last place bowl of nuts and boiled lake water, allowing five others to step up a place. He said he was doing it to apologise for his behaviour the day before ("Nothing tastes better than my self respect"), but nobody seemed to believe it was from genuine remorse. Even the members of his own alliance can't stand him, and are expressing it with varying degrees of tact.

There were no tactful, but many colourful, ways to describe how drunk Judd got. He staggered, fell over, tried to collect a 30 foot tree as firewood, snored, and dreamt that he threw up (again) on a world heritage building when in fact he'd thrown up in the shelter.

The other part of Judd's reward was a clue to the location of the Individual Immunity Idol, and this segued nicely into the theme of the second act: lies and trust. He showed Stephanie the clue, which stated that the idol is off the ground, then told the rest of the camp that the idol is most definitely on the ground. Next, Gary talked to Jamie and said he'd vote with him. Jamie immediately told the rest of the old Nakúm that Gary was planning to vote for him, which despite much incredulity on everyone's part resulted in Gary being the targeted Yaxhá member for this week's vote. Stephanie lied to Gary when he asked if that was the case, and again when she promised to tell him when it was to be his turn. Even Rafe didn't quite manage to avoid lying in the face of Jamie's persistently paranoid probing about the state of their alliance.

Having seen that the immunity challenge involved ropes, balance and general physical prowess it was a shock to many (including Rafe) to see Rafe survive the early knock-out rounds and make it to the final race against Jamie over a rope bridge. Unfortunately ropes aren't Rafe's strong suit, and Jamie won the immunity necklace and a week's reprieve from the exasperation of his own tribemates. Gary set off into the jungle again in search of the Individual Immunity Idol, and was both lucky enough to spot Judd looking up in the trees and smart enough to realise they'd all been lied to.

If you've ever wondered how Jeff, who only sees the Survivors at challenges, manages to ask such pertinent questions at Tribal Council it's because the daily transcripts of what happens at camp are faxed to the production team every day (and yes, I have first hand knowledge of this; just don't ask how). To prove it, Jeff started with a question about trust, and then asked both Gary (the ex-quarterback who claims to be just a landscaper) and Judd (the recipient of the true clue as to the Individual Immunity Idol's whereabouts) whether they had told any lies at all. Considering nobody believes Gary's lie but everyone fell for Judd's it was funny to see how much more convincing Gary's body language was when they both said "No".

What Gary didn't hide at the appropriate moment was that he had found the Individual Immunity Idol, which made him safe from the vote that night. Jeff reminded everyone that they could not talk to each other prior to voting, but the odd thing was that it seemed to be the old Yaxhá's vote thrown most into disarray, with Bobby Jon and Danni both voting for Stephanie but Gary voting for Cindy (huh?!?) while everyone else calmly switched to Bobby Jon and made him the first member of the jury.

It'll be interesting to see next week whether the Nakúm alliance, which is now six against two, can resist the temptation to get rid of Jamie without losing its majority or whether they'll keep picking off Yaxhá. Either way, they're all on the jury now and need to start being nice to each other with the end game in mind. I'm sure Gary has a metaphor about end games he'd love to share, and now he's got at least one more week in which to do it.

Survivor Guatemala: week 8

By the end of this week's episode I almost – but not quite – felt sorry for Jamie. It must be tough having Bobby Jon tell you you've got no class, and even worse having Judd tell you to keep your mouth shut. Nah, he completely brought it on himself and it was very good TV.

Jamie's ostracism started when the remaining members of Yaxhá arrived at Nakúm's camp having just voted out Amy at Tribal Council. Nukum were already tucked up in bed and far away in the land of Nod, so it must have been a horrible surprise having the opposition turn up. Rafe is such a sweetie his first startled words were, "Oh my gosh!" Jamie's first words were, "Well there's no room in the shelter for y'all, so I hope y'all don't mind sleeping outside". Hmm, charming.

Of course, Bobby Jon appears to have attended the same charm school. In his piece to camera he told us that he can't be around Jamie for more than five minutes without wanting to knock him out. OK, those two have a 'history'. But he also said that he can't be around Stephanie without wanting to vomit. He then spent much of the episode spitting on the ground in front of himself at inappropriate times. At least he appears to have left the snot rockets in Palau.

Tree mail interrupted Nakúm's frantic efforts to ingratiate themselves with their new tribemates by collecting firewood and playing slaves. Comic relief Lydia took charge of the instructions to come up with a new tribe name and decorate a banner accordingly. The result – Xhakúm – is functional if not the least bit original.

And yes, we'll need to keep referring to them by their old tribe names because there is none of the usual bonhomie that accompanies a merge. That might be because there was none of the usual food and liquor generously put on by the producers to encourage merriment at the merge moment. Stephanie complained about that, too. I had really hoped that a few wins would snap her out of her misery, but apparently not.

There was no formal reward challenge this week, but there is a challenge out there in the jungle just waiting to be found: a 15cm tall Individual Immunity Idol which can be used up until the final four by whomever finds it. It was made clear you only had to declare your possession of it immediately prior to the vote if you wanted to claim immunity that week, but not how many times the idol can be used.

The Great Individual Immunity Idol Search was funny. Rafe is apparently a wilderness guide, but still stuck his hand in a hornet's nest and had to run away slapping his head. Bobby Jon wandered through the forest a lot, and in a lovely piece of editing we had a subtle jump cut that suggested he was standing right near it, but who knows. After eleven series we all know not to trust editing.

The immunity challenge was the classic "Who can stand on the spot longest?" In this iteration the Survivors had to stand on a small cube and balance a clay pot on their head. The producers have learnt from the debacle of the Palau final three challenge, and sensibly imposed a one hour time limit with a tie breaker if necessary after that time.

They've also learnt that some very interesting conversations happen during this type of challenge between those already out and those still in it and trying to stand still. To get that tension happening early they gave everyone the choice between participating in the challenge, or enjoying what could have been the merge feast. In a fascinating result, the four Survivors who started in Yaxhá and ended up in Nakúm all chose to eat: Stephanie, Jamie, Rafe and Lydia are obviously feeling pretty safe at this stage in the game, because everyone else tried for immunity and tried not to watch the others stuffing their faces.

It's meant to be his job, but Jeff clearly gets a kick out of asking pointed questions about how safe people feel. Jamie, being the short-fused loudmouth he is, was happy to tell everyone that Brandon and Bobby Jon would be picked off first since they'd be strongest in the individual challenges and therefore the biggest threat. It was only a question of who was going to crack first and smash a pot over his head, with even his own tribemates cringing with embarrassment and Rafe almost in tears at the incivility of it all.

The tie breaker was a simple race up the steps of a convenient world heritage site, again with pots on heads, which Gary won. He was at bottom of the eviction order determined by Yaxhá and was the one in least danger, so I thought he might have chose to give his immunity to Brandon to throw the vote into confusion at the last minute, but he didn't. Bobby Jon managed to fight back the nausea long enough to beg Stephanie to let him be on the jury, effectively sealing Brandon's fate.

By this time both Cindy and Rafe/Woody Allen were having deep moral dilemmas about their part in the 'axis of evil' that was about to vote out a solid guy like Brandon over a [insert favourite cuss word here] like Jamie. Judd was so upset about Jamie's behaviour that he called him 'man' at least seven times in three "sentences". It was enough to give Brandon some hope for a few hours, and even more motivation to look for the idol. It also made for some fantastically tense moments at Tribal Council and one of the closest votes all season. Bobby Jon formed the most profound and articulate sentence he's ever uttered as he voted for Jamie: "You talk about havin' Southern Pride. Well part of Southern Pride is bein' a Southern Gentlemen. And no, you don't have any class, at all."

Sadly, numbers count for more in Survivor than class or heart, and Brandon misses out on the jury while Jamie makes it through for at least one more week. Maybe the sight of Brandon quietly sharpening a knife on a rock was scarier than either Jamie or Judd's verbal bluster. I just hope there's a really good reason for it.

Survivor Guatemala: week 7

The opening 75 seconds of this week's episode featured Judd using the word "man" at an average of every eight seconds. At some point during this burst of eloquence he uttered the biggest understatement in Survivor history to describe his behaviour at Tribal Council that night: "I kinda had a little outburst." Ironically, if he'd just admit he's ADD he could probably use it as an excuse for forgetting how bad his behaviour really was.

It's hard to think of a Survivor who is more rude, self-centred, obnoxious and overbearing than Judd. "Johnny Fairplay" from Survivor Pearl Islands comes close on a few of those measures, but since he'd probably enjoy the attention I refuse to include him as a nominee. Jamie this week confirmed my sneaking suspicion of why the others are putting up with Judd at all: whoever takes him to the final two is guaranteed of winning the million dollars for themself. At least Judd can say his life has a purpose.

Christo inspired this week's reward challenge. First one person had to wind fabric off a pole and around their body by twirling and running at the same time. Then they had to run to the next pole, clip onto the next contestant and spool another piece of fabric around both of them. They then had to try and run like Siamese twins to the third pole where they did the same again, until finally there was four of them all trying to twirl and run simultaneously. The truly funny bit came when they had to unwind again and run to the finish line, because those at the middle of the pack were completely dizzy by the end and couldn’t run straight. Guatemala's Funniest Home Videos, here we come!

Jeff announced the reward and asked, "Worth playing for?" as he always does. This week it was a flying fox ride through the jungle canopy, followed by a chocolate feast (apparently the Maya were the civilisation who discovered chocolate and to whom we all owe a debt of incalculable thanks). Bobby Jon tried to describe the wide variety of forms the chocolate took: "There was cake, praline, cookies, strawberries; everything!" Um, strawberries are a member of the fruit food group, Bobby Jon, not the chocolate food group. Don't worry your pretty head about it, darl.

At least nobody got hurt this week. Amy's ankle injury from rolling under the big rock in last week's reward challenge was obvious, but the next day the only person in Yaxhá who didn't seem to have seven layers of skin missing off their shoulders was Gary (maybe he had his quarterback shoulder guards on under his T-shirt). One could easily blame the rock itself, but nobody in Nakúm seemed to have huge weeping sores sticking to their t-shirts and attracting small fish when they swam.

During their chocolate-induced sugar high, Yaxhá decided to paddle over to Nakúm's camp and invite them back to a pool party for Danni's birthday. Despite the unexpected invitation interrupting their game of Old Maid (played using a deck of cards made out of leaves), and deep reservations on the part of both hosts and guests about whether Bobby Jon and Jamie could be trusted to behave themselves, the invitation was duly accepted. Nakúm got to polish off the leftover chocolate, and much fun was had by everyone until Judd stripped down to his white t-shirt fabric boxer shorts and jumped in. Actually the jumping in wasn't so bad as when he got out again as they had become slightly translucent. Was white really the best colour underpants to choose for 39 days straight in the jungle?

In the immunity challenge the teams had to find big jigsaw puzzle pieces buried in a sandpit and then assemble them to form a replica of the Maya calendar. Heaven forbid they should have to do anything really challenging, like navigate using Mayan astronomy or solve problems using some of the mathematical principles the Maya developed. Actually that's being a bit unfair. Bobby Jon was able to work out all by himself that if Yaxhá lost the challenge they'd only have four people and Nakúm would have six, which would be bad going into the merge. Between his Alabama accent and the mumbling there were parts of his soliloquy at which even the subtitle people weren't game to hazard a guess, but that was the general gist of it.

Nakúm manage to take an early lead and keep it, despite Jamie dropping one of the larger puzzle pieces on Stephanie's foot. She wasn't complaining when they won immunity for the second week in a row and sent Yaxhá to Tribal Council. Amy, who looks more and more like a young Kurt Russell in drag every week, knew straight away that she was vulnerable but fought right to the end regardless. Gary promised to vote with her against Bobby Jon, but only if she got Danni on side. Obviously that didn’t happen, and it was yet another unanimous vote with Amy as the stoic victim.

This week's twist was Jeff's announcement at the end of the episode that the merge had just happened, followed by the distribution of red buffs for Gary, Danni, Bobby Jon and Brandon to take with them to their new home at Nakúm's camp. With ten Survivors now left, the break-down is five original Yaxhá (Stephanie, Rafe, Lydia, Gary and Jamie) and five original Nakúm (Danni, Cindy, Brandon, Bobby Jon and Judd). As Bobby Jon pointed out, however, it's 6-4 in favour for the new Yaxhá tribe. It's going to be very interesting to see how the numbers stack up.

It's also going to be interesting seeing how Stephanie and Bobby Jon cope over the next few weeks, with a lot of their tribemates saying that nobody deserves a second chance at Survivor unless it's an All Stars series. Bobby Jon is just hoping to make it to the jury, claiming that it has been a "lifelong dream" of his. Since the show only started in 1999 I somewhat doubt that. Don't worry your pretty head about it, darl.

Survivor Guatemala: week 6

I've had an entire week to come up with a metaphor or analogy or other allegorical device to describe the almost biffo between Jamie and Bobby Jon that occurred during this week's challenge. For those who didn't see the ads, the two of them went toe-to-toe and chest-to-chest screaming at each other. It was entirely Discovery Channel in nature, but what particular animals were they behaving like? Eventually it came to me: seagulls fighting over a chip. Although I've never heard a seagull walking way from a fight tell the other contestant, "That's not nice!" the way Bobby Jon did.

We were spared the pain of listening to the crappy tree mail poem, so only found out when the tribes arrived at the challenge site that there would be no tribal immunity this week since both teams were going to Tribal Council and voting someone out that night. In yet another very early departure from formula, the members of the winning team would get the reward and then compete in a second challenge for individual immunity. As a further twist, the person with immunity would sit in on the other Tribal Council and get some secret inside information about the other team.

Of all the challenges so far, this was the one most obviously lifted from an Indiana Jones movie. Two members from each tribe had to try and roll that big rock from Raiders of the Lost Ark across their goal line. At one point Jamie's team scored a win over Bobby Jon's team, and we had the seagull incident. Jamie later explained it as follows: "He's in my face yellin', and I'm from the South, and the only thing I know how to do is yell back." I think that explains much of George W Bush's foreign policy.

Amy rolled her weak ankle again, but still managed to help Yaxhá win the following round and earned considerable respect from both her team a certain couch here in Kingsville. In the end Nakúm won both the overall game and a meat tray which then sat out in the 45ºC heat while they competed for individual immunity.

The second challenge was a simple relay to collect three bags and rearrange the big Scrabble tiles they contained to make the words "Ancient Ruin". Judd couldn't even get his own bags open, but could see Rafe's tiles well enough to tell him the answer and hand him individual immunity. It’s pretty embarrassing to be standing there, close but utterly stumped, and have Judd of all people provide an intellectual leg-up.

While Stephanie mistook two consecutive victories for a winning streak, the rest of the tribe got stuck into their reward of barbecue and beers. The production crew had soaked the labels off the bottles (obviously the companies weren’t prepared to pay the exorbitant product placement rates), which made it a bit tricky to keep track of who'd drunk what. Judd was the obvious culprit when some beer went missing (or was that just because we saw so much footage of him drinking), but nobody else in the tribe seemed brave enough to directly accuse him. They didn’t have to, really: he protested his innocence with an unnatural degree of vehemence, and then claimed that he'd won the reward for the team so he'd earned the extra beer anyway. The prosecution rests, your Honour.

Yaxhá was first to Tribal Council, and it quickly became apparent that Judd had neither cooled down nor sobered up. He assured us all - twice - that he is a good sportsmanship, and his use of the word "man" in lieu of punctuation was so pervasive that I rewatched the entire episode and kept count: 43 that I heard, which is an impressive per minute average when you take out the ads, the challenges and the scenes of the other tribe.

Arguably the funniest moment in the series so far came when Margaret claimed Judd doesn't listen to other people. He interrupted her, then he interrupted Cindy answering his question "Do I listen to you?" Next he interrupted Rafe's answer to the same question (well, it was more a demand than a question) and the didn’t give the others a chance to answer. He even interrupted the normally unflappable Jeff, who has seem some pretty childish behaviour at Tribal Council in the past but still seemed shocked. Here's a hint, Judd: it doesn't help your claim that you're not ADD if you can't sit still or hold your temper.

Everything Margaret said about Judd was true, but equally true were Cindy and Judd's observations that Margaret was miserable about the tribe switch up, and that there'd be peace at camp so long as either she or Judd left. When she was evicted, in what to me was a surprise unanimous vote, Judd gloated like a smug eight year old and I fear he will make the next few days peaceful but unbearable for everyone.

Yaxhá, meanwhile, was a model of unity. Well, at least everyone was saying the right things, even if they didn't actually mean them. Bobby Jon was full of praise for Brian's gamesmanship, and indeed Brian has been a very skilled Survivor. He was spot on with his quote as he voted for Bobby Jon: "This is the outwit part of outwit, outplay, outlast." Unfortunately he was the one being outwitted, as Amy and Gary had sided with the old Nakúm to unanimously vote Brian out.
In yet another twist, however, Brian still had one chance to stay in the game. Immediately prior to the vote commencing, Jeff announced that Rafe, who had sat in on proceedings, would hand his immunity to the person of his choice by placing a name in an envelope in the ballot cookie jar. Who knows what would have happened if Rafe had given Brian immunity, but he gave it to Gary instead (why, I do not know), so the votes against Brian stood. Not knowing who couldn’t be voted out certainly added a degree of novelty to the voting process, and there's been some pretty good twists so far this season already. It'll be very interesting to see if the immunity idol has been retired or just given a rest this week.

Survivor Guatemala: week 5

Something incredibly rare happened this week on Survivor: we had a single camera shot featuring both a Survivor and a dangerous animal. As Bobby Jon watched the sun rise over the lake, a crocodile surfaced about 400 metres away. Sure, they used really big zoom lens, and he was in no even medium-term danger, but it's still unusual.

Judd's probably in more danger. In the aftermath of Nakúm's most recent trip to Tribal Council, at which he voted against his former tribemate Brooke, Judd was all self-defence and no clue. "I don't give a flyin' rat's ass what people think of me" is probably not the best thing to say to your tribemates this early in the game, and especially when you're on Stephanie's team and likely to be back at Tribal Council sooner rather than later.

Yaxhá seems to be a much more united state of affairs, despite the Mason-Dixon line running down the middle. On one side you've got the Bible-belt Southerners who pray before everything, talk about their cowboy boots and can have in-depth conversations about preferred brands of farm machinery. On the other you've got Amy (who's never been camping, doesn't realise that bugs can fly and has no idea how wheat is grown) and Brian, who candidly admits to being a New England blue-state atheist. Gary seems to be keeping quiet, presumably to avoid any difficult questions about his sporting prowess.

The reward challenge consisted of more allegedly Mayan cultural activities. One person from each team had to cut through two ropes using a sharp stone, Maya style. Another person then had to cut through a log with a machete. I don't think the Maya had machetes: if they did, why didn't they use one instead of a rock to cut ropes? Eventually the tribes had to winch a small wagon up a hill, then jump in and ride it back down the track just like the mines in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. It's all genuine archaeology on this show.

It ended up being one of the most crushing defeats in Survivor history, and guess who lost (I'll give you a hint: Stephanie is on one of the teams). Jamie was so slow cutting through the ropes that we got a beautiful camera angle of him hacking away while Yaxhá's cart trundled past in the background. Judd made no attempt to disguise his disgust, even taking it out on Cindy at one point for not "stepping up to the plate". Fortunately Lydia saved the day by going a little crazy and teaching everyone the 'Pancake Dance'. Jamie said she looked like she was having a seizure, which is about the most profound thing he's said yet.

Yaxhá's prize was a jug of Magaritas, chip 'n' dip and best of all a croc-proof swimming cage off the end of their dock. They all managed to chill out enough to tolerate Blake mouthing off about himself and his girlfriend's double D breasts, and how they got even bigger after she went on the pill, and the time he got drunk, and all the other cool things he's ever done. Like Judd, he's just not smart enough to know when to shut up, but unlike Judd he's got Brian playing "Bait Blake", passing the shovel and encouraging him to keep on digging.

The immunity challenge was yet another genuine "we read about this on the Internet so it must be true" Mayan sport. One person from each tribe took turns flinging a papier-mâché ball from a catapult, while the other six members of each tribe tried to catch them in big triangular nets. The trick was that each net was held by three people, who had to use teamwork and run in the same direction at the same time to have any chance of catching the ball. In a genuinely surprising result, Nakúm (ie. Stephanie's tribe) actually managed to win an immunity challenge. The only thing more surprising was that they were so relatively restrained in their victory celebrations, considering Yaxhá's appalling gloating after the reward challenge win. Bobby Jon in particular had adopted a peculiarly cocky legs-up-in-the-air pose while rolling down the hill to victory, and I hope his coccyx recovers soon from the impact it would have incurred when the cart slammed into the pile of dirt at the end.

Brian, Amy and Gary immediately started lobbying the four old-Nakúm members in the hope that at least one of them has had enough of Blake's braggadocio to vote him out. Bobby Jon was smart enough to acknowledge that he's not smart enough to think for himself, and took Gary's advice since Gary is good at team stuff (Gary, when even Bobby Jon has seen through your lies about being a former star quarterback it's time to give them up).

Danni didn't seem sure what to do, and Brandon stated outright that he wouldn't vote for Blake at this stage and would instead vote for Brian. Since the plan only three days before was to pick Amy off first, I'm not sure why Brian suddenly became the first target of the old-Yaxhá trio. Suddenly in the middle of all this politicking we were suddenly confronted with a shot of an insect crawling across a crocodile's eyeball and disappearing when it blinked. It seemed to be a metaphor, but I'm still not sure what it represented. All suggestions welcome.

Either way, last week's wee-stained handshake didn't hold up, with both Danni and Bobby Jon voting against Blake and sending him home in a result he definitely didn't see coming. That swings the balance of numbers across the two tribes back in favour of the original Yaxhá tribe (ie. Stephanie's) so perhaps she's not the jinx after all. I just wouldn't want to be in Judd's shoes now that the precedent has been set for voting off loud-mouthed nuisances regardless of how strong they are in challenges.

Survivor Guatemala: week 4

This week started out with a comparison between the camps. At one they're catching fish, sighting crocodiles, laughing and joking around and generally having a great time. At the other they're complaining about the heat and the mosquitoes, laying around with no energy to do anything and wondering of the others, "God knows what it's like around their place if it's this bad here." By now you'd be thinking that the second camp is that of perennial losers Yaxhá, but you'd be wrong. The producers really have some explaining to do about how Nakúm's camp could have been judged the better site of the two.

In deference to the heat, the reward challenge didn't require even brain power, let alone muscle. Each Survivor simply had to nominate a member of their tribe as the answer to a series of questions. The first one was, "Who in your tribe is most in need of nourishment?" with Jamie from Yaxhá and walking skeleton Danni from Nakúm getting the most votes and each winning an apple. Gary and Bobby Jon each won 20 litres of fresh water, some shampoo, the use of a bush shower and considerable encouragement and instruction in its use from their "friends" as a "reward" for being voted the smelliest.

The next question, "Who are the man and woman most deserving of a picnic on top of an Mayan pyramid?" had a fairly predictable prize but a completely unpredictable implication. With winners Gary, Amy, Margaret and Judd sent off with a basket of goodies, only the remaining Survivors voted on the next question: "Who has the most tribe pride?" The prize for Yaxhá's Brian and Nakúm's Cindy was that they got to stay in their own tribe, while everyone else had to swap. Well, not quite everyone. With five remaining Nakúm members a random draw decided who got to keep a yellow buff (Brooke) and who changed to blue (everyone else). I imagine that Danni and Brooke are both wishing they could have swapped, Danni because of the creepy excited look on Brian's face when he realised they're now in the same tribe.

Gary, of course, was far less excited at the prospect of Danni as a tribemate. Having been quizzed about being a retired pro-football quarterback during the picnic – and denying it point-blank yet again – he returned to discover he's now living with the woman who outed him and – like a superhero - he was forced to once again deny his true identity. At least we all now know why he's hiding it: Danni is annoyed that he's lying to her, but can understand that his football career will have left him very wealthy and that he's afraid the others will think he doesn't need or deserve the million dollars. He's right to worry: Amy can smell the lie and has stated outright, "If he's a multi-millionaire I'll freakin' kill him!"

If nothing else, the tribe swap has finally prompted some long-overdue politicking. Brian instantly went into campaign mode trying to win over the new members of Yaxhá, especially since the old members are now outnumbered four to three. Blake has also noticed that it's four on three , so during a toilet break with Bobby Jon (maybe they decided this camp will smell of wee instead of vomit like their last one) he outlined his master plan to keep the two of them plus Danni and Brandon and get rid of Amy, Brian and Gary: "We win every competition and we wipe them out. Then we figure out between the four of us." It seems to have escaped them that you only get to vote people out if you lose immunity challenges. The pair of young Einsteins both agreed to the plan and shook on it, and with neither having washed his hands there was presumably no need to spit in their palms to exchange bodily fluids to seal the pledge.

For this week's immunity challenge the teams had to row out into the lake and retrieve three bags of Mayan-style timber war clubs, then row back to shore and throw the clubs to break three tiles faster than the other team. A mid-race collision of Bathurst proportions saw Nakúm push their competitors well off course and win a handy lead in the race back to shore, but Yaxhá managed to catch up when Judd wouldn't tag out and let someone else have a go at the fun throwing bit. In the end Brandon sealed it for the new Yaxhá and confirmed everyone's suspicion that Stephanie is the source of the bad luck for her team, not just a victim of it. According to Jeff she's now lost 81% of the Survivor challenges she's ever attempted.

Everyone at Nakúm – including Judd – quickly figured out that Judd was the potential swing voter but it was interesting how the different sides approached him. Stephanie and Jamie appealed to his strength and blokiness. Margaret used math and logic to try and retain his loyalty to herself, Brooke and Cindy. Needless to say the latter approach bounced off him, and Brooke was voted out 5-3 in the first tribal council at which all the votes have had to be read out. She must really be wishing she hadn't found that yellow buff, now!

All in all it was one of the most satisfying episodes this season. The politics has started, and we know the source of Gary's paranoia. Now we just need to work out why Rafe was patiently pasting small leaves to Lydia's shoulders after the immunity challenge. Maybe it's a courting ritual for gay Mormon wilderness guides and there's something about Lydia we don't know...

Survivor Guatemala: week 3

Something I'm yet to work out is why Nakúm were led to believe that they got "the best campsite" as a reward for winning the 11 mile hike in the first week. It doesn't seem to have any more natural shelter, access to clean water, food or firewood than the other site, and now it smells of vomit. It also has noisy neighbours, including a howler monkey who, according to Cindy the zookeeper, has been separated from his family and is crying all night because he is sad. In a piece of magnificent editing we had Judd complaining that he can't sleep because of the noise, interspersed with footage of said sad monkey and shots of Judd trying to break a stick by throwing it at a rock. Hmm, I wonder which one lives in the branch of the evolutionary tree furthest from the rest of us?

At Yaxhá, Lydia is working her heart out to keep her place in the tribe, and having excruciatingly polite conversations with Brianna about the weather to cover the fact they can't stand each other. Brian, on the other hand, seems very much in love with himself and his successful manipulation of the previous night's vote. It's slightly disturbing that he doesn’t care who gets voted off as long as he's pulling the strings, but should make for some pretty fireworks later on when the others clue in.

With the standard "C'mon in guys" Jeff explained that archaeologists have been excavating the Mayan ruins, which was the tenuous link to the task before the tribes of building an archaeologist's 'tent'. It was basically just a tarp held up with poles and ropes, and nothing like the sets on Raiders of the Lost Ark. The challenging part was that the pieces were scattered around the site, and the Survivors from each tribe were blindfolded and tied together in groups with one set of eyes from each tribe calling out instructions. It's a challenge that seems to have been done in one form or another in every series to date, but is always good for a laugh because it usually involves blindfolded people falling over and being hit in the head.

Gary's quarterbacking skills of yelling out orders to the rest of his team shone through and Yaxhá quickly had all the pieces together and were first to start assembling. Nakúm caught up once they were no longer relying on Brooke to know her left from her right, and managed to finish first and win the reward of pillows, blankets, ropes and a large tarpaulin.

The best bit, as usual, was the unexpected tensions brought about by the prize and the intra-tribe negotiations on what to do with it. After a nap, the boys from Nakúm set about improving their shelter. Bobby Jon, Brandon, Blake and Judd are treating the game like a big boys' fishing trip and wanted to have fun. Margaret wanted to do something useful with the tarp and ropes, which was a big downer for the boys and, like, totally killed the buzz man. Brooke, Cindy and Danni cleverly made themselves scarce and offered no advice to a group of men who probably all agreed with Judd's comment, "Nobody tells me what to do except my boss and my wife."

Continuing on the fishing theme, the boys next decided to make themselves crocodile bait by going for a swim to beat the 45 degree heat. Cindy wasn't going anywhere near the water, which should have been a hint to the rest of them, but as Brandon eloquently put it, "The brave may not live long, but the cautious don't live at all." He's a bit of a redneck poet that one, and I'm hoping he stays around for a while (and not just because I've got him in the sweep).

Tree mail brought feathers, headbands and war paint, with instructions to dress up as warriors for a traditional Mayan game which turned out to be suspiciously like netball. At one point Jeff even yelled out, "Now we're doing it like the Maya did", but unless they've got video footage from 700AD I’m not sure how they know that.

The court was a large net raised off the ground with two hoops at each end and three-on-three teams drawn at random trying to put the ball through their hoop to win the round. Amy sprained her ankle early on, but was still a more useful team member than Brianna. Like netball, the player with the ball couldn't run (pay more attention to the rules, Lydia!) so if one person had the ball (ie. Stephanie) the other players (ie. Brianna) had to run to a spot to where she could throw it. In every one of her matches Brianna just stood there, within earshot but not arm's reach of the rest of Yaxhá on the sidelines hurling abuse and instructions at her. Danni scored three goals in a starring role for Nakúm, and was rewarded with possession of the immunity idol and an interestingly enthusiastic and drawn-out keen hug from Blake. Hmm, watch this space on that one!

Poor Stephanie now finds herself in the depressing Groundhog Day of being on a team of losers where one of the strongest tribemates has a twisted ankle and one of the prettiest doesn't lift a finger in challenges. Unlike Jeff and Kim from Palau, however, Brianna was voted out and Amy has passionately vowed to stay despite her injury.

One of the themes at Tribal Council was the need for athleticism in this game, but Jeff made a potentially auspicious comment to Yaxhá: "Your strategy seems clear; keep the strong and vote out the weak. But in a game this unpredictable, voting based solely on physical strength can be risky. See how it plays out." Apparently the Maya built astronomical calendars of astonishing accuracy and mastered mathematics, so I can't wait to see what the challenges are over the coming weeks…

Survivor Guatemala: Week 2

You know it's going to be a great series of Survivor when it's only the second episode but already people are complaining about their tribemates' work ethics and the pixellating machine in the editing suite has been cracked out (pardon the pun).

The producers love weaving in shots of scary-looking local animals to make it appear that the Survivors are in imminent peril, and the opening scene this week was a fat, hairy tarantula going about his business. As if that wasn't revolting enough to watch while eating dinner, Bobby Jon and Blake still can't keep any food down. Blake in particular seems to need all of nurse Margaret's attention or he'll keel over and die, but only at camp while there's work to be done. During the challenges he comes out strong and is a big star hero, much to the annoyance of all the other guys in the tribe who want to be heroes, too.

Gary is still desperately trying to hide his NFL background from everyone in his tribe while ensuring that the rest of the world is in no doubt that he is a 'somebody'. He keeps claiming that he'll get voted off if his tribemates find out, but hasn't explained why they'd do that. Danni the sports radio host from Nakúm recognised him straight away and told Brian, who later asked Gary about it in front of everyone else. Gary's ego won't be able to keep up the pressure of suppressing his super nova, so eventually he'll get voted off for lying, regardless of who he is. Ahh, karma!

Continuing the spider theme from earlier, the Reward Challenge was a large rope web set up over a pond in a spot that was probably virgin rainforest until the pre-production crew arrived. Survivors took turns to retrieve bags tied to the web, drop back into the pond, then climb a short rope ladder out of the water and run back to the starting point. Of course the big buffed boys all wanted to go first, but it didn't occur to any of them to pick off the bags that were furthest away and hardest to reach instead of leaving the easiest ones to the weaker team members who went later. Hopefully next time they'll remember to allow for Rafe, because the amount of time he wasted falling into the water without a bag and then not being able to climb the ladder out again was longer than the amount of time by which Yaxhá eventually lost.
Nakúm used their prize of a fishing kit to go catch themselves some protein. Even more impressively, Lydia managed to catch a fish for each person in Yaxhá by building a clever little shoreline fish trap with some rocks. Well, it was impressive until a fly crawled onto the platter holding all that fish and we saw that they were only slightly bigger than the fly. Still, the only other option was live ants, and the girls are nowhere near ready for the gross food challenge just yet.

The immunity challenge was an old fashioned tug-o-war, with each Survivor tied to the rope by the waist. Given the terrified dread of sexuality with which CBS has wielded its pixellating machine ever since the Janet Jackson Super Bowl "Nipplegate" incident I simply fail to understand why the tug-o-war had to be set in a mud wrestling pit.

When the first round failed to produce a winner the game switched to one-on-one challenges. To win you either had to reach the flag at your end or just be closest to it when the time ran out. That crucial 'closest to your own end' bit of detail must have skipped Gary right by: I'm sure he thought he was pulling some smooth NFL move by suddenly running toward Judd and pinning him into the mud with only seconds to go. The team didn't risk allowing Gary do any more thinking in the last two rounds, using Jamie twice instead, but the damage was done and Yaxhá was off to their first Tribal Council.

Jamie, who really isn't the smartest person to ever play Survivor, wanted to vote off Stephanie but was instantly howled down. Lydia seemed an obvious choice, but as Brian pointed out she works really hard around camp and hasn't lost them a challenge (and if losing a challenge for the team is a criteria, Rafe and Gary should both be gone by now). Morgan hadn't lost a challenge, but she hadn't done any work around camp either, which even at this early stage was a stupid mistake to make.

In reality the Lydia v Morgan dilemma had nothing to do with those two individuals, and everything to do with the others sizing up who they could trust to stick to a promised voting pattern. Again, it was interesting to see that happening so soon in the series. Brian wanted Morgan to go, and very cleverly arranged that by telling Lydia to start lobbying for herself. He is really going to be this season's Machiavelli, and should provide plenty of entertainment.

Morgan's comment to camera as she voted for Lydia was, "I’m sure this is one of the hardest decisions I'll make while I'm out here." It was also her last decision, because she's gone in an 8-1 vote that she didn't see coming at all. Hopefully for her the decision on how she'll fill in the next twelve weeks won't be as difficult to make.

Survivor Guatemala: Week 1

And they're racing in the 2005 Survivor Guatemala Sweeps!

In fine Survivor tradition we were treated to host Jeff Probst's 100 word book report on the geography of Guatemala and the history of the ancient Maya people, followed by one of those grand statements he does so seriously and so well: "39 days, 18 people, one Survivor."

Hang on, 18 people? There's only 16 listed on the website so who are the other two? Well, the ad promised two big surprises, and they were Stephanie and Bobby Jon from Survivor Palau. Stephanie joined Yaxhá (pronounced "ya-Shar") and Bobby Jon is a member of Nakúm (pronounced "na-Koom"). Jeff initially described them as tools, and then pointed out that they are full members of their tribes and can be voted off if they're seen as too much of a threat. Gee, thanks Jeff.

There's usually a bit of a hike to get to the campsites, but this year's was one of the worst yet. First the teams had to decide how much food and water to carry with them on an 11 mile hike straight through the jungle, then they had to actually survive the jungle. Both teams were forced to camp overnight among the snakes and the spiders, and we got some lovely night-vision goggle footage of monkeys up in the treetops. The animal roaring accompanying these pictures was impressive, until you realised it was actually the sound of Blake throwing up from dehydration and shock at having been cracked over the shoulder by a spikey tree earlier that day.

Nakúm's prize for winning the race was the best campsite out of the two available, but they quickly ruined their new home by vomiting all over it. Judd, Jim and the interchangeable Bobby Jon and Blake were all severely dehydrated and cramping from the strenuous hike in the humidity. Interestingly all the girls in the tribe survived the hike in fine form, which was lucky because nurse Margaret needed them to help with triage. Bobby Jon's eyes kept rolling back in his head, and I'm assuming it wasn't all that serious or the production crew would have stepped in. I laughed pretty hard regardless, because Bobby Jon hasn't lightened up at all in the last six months and is just as intense and embarrassingly sincere as ever.

The first immunity challenge continued the episode's theme of relatively straightforward tasks claiming numerous casualties. Teams had to paddle their canoes out round a buoy (and yes, Jeff pronounced it "boo-eee" in what will hopefully be the first of many such instances) and then drag the boat up a hill using the same rolling log technique the Maya used to move the huge stone blocks for their pyramids. Danni, Stephanie and Cindy all managed to get limbs caught under logs, and retired fire-fighter Jim somehow broke his left bicep by lifting before everyone else did.

Stephanie led Yaxhá through the danger to her first ever Immunity Reward win, and sent Nakúm off to our first look at this year's Tribal Council set. Apparently (and I found this on the Internet so it must be true) blood letting and human sacrifice was an important part of the Mayan religious system. The high priest would pierce his foreskin and drip blood onto strips of paper that were burned later in the rite. Fortunately for Survivor high priest Jeff the producers have stuck with felt tip pens for marking strips of paper at tribal council, and this week Jim was sacrificed in a 7-1 vote. Oddly he voted for Margaret, without whom the rest of the tribe would have been in real trouble. Maybe he suspected her of putting something more than just lemon juice in his drinking water. Seriously though, if they keep voting off the weakest ones and she keeps discreetly poisoning people she's a shoo-in to win!

So what are this year's Survivors like? Rafe looks more and more like Woody Allen every time he opens his mouth. Brian's complaining that the rest of the team isn't committed enough sounds distinctly Coby-like, and Cindy the animal trainer is a regular little Steve Irwin in drag. Gary is telling people he's just a landscaper because he reckons they'll get rid of him if early if they know he's actually a retired NFL Quarterback (I suspect he's a just miffed at being in a tribe full of people who were still in primary school during his glory days and don't even recognise him). Brandon is keeping up a fine tradition of the token redneck giving very amusing interviews (such as describing Judd's leap overboard as a "premature evacuation") although we laugh with Brandon whereas we were laughing around James from Palau. Judd the doorman is a character straight out of the extras casting pool for Law and Order, and Danni the former beauty queen was grateful for Bobby Jon's presence in her tribe from a purely aesthetic sense. Stephanie provides the compulsory young-gorgeous-female-pharmaceutical-company-sales-rep role, and the stereotypes are complete!

Next week's ad promises more footage of Blake throwing up and Bobby Jon taking the challenges too seriously. Isn't it lucky that more of the same is such a good thing.

Survivor Guatemala Form Guide

Here are some snap judgements about people I've never met, based on some dodgy stereotypes about their jobs, ages, and favourite things.

To see the faces, and read the full bio, visit: http://www.cbs.com/primetime/survivor11/. You'll need to scroll down to read all the favourites, and click on the Bio link to see the results of their own navel gazing.

Remember, they provided the info; I’m just interpreting it.

Amy, 39 - Police Sargeant
Cops often don't do well, but she's the first ever female cop. Should have the maturity to keep on-side with both the men and women. Definite jury potential, and my early pick as the winner.

Blake, 24 - Real Estate Broker/Model
Our only slash model this year. Favourite smell is gasoline (?!?). Will go early for not understanding the politics of the game and being too nice to people.

Brandon, 22 – Farmer/Rancher
What precisely is the difference between a rancher and a farmer? Token redneck whose horizons will be forcibly – and amusingly - widened by the experience.

Brian, 22 - Ivy League Student
Favourite colour is "deep teal" and co-wrote his school play, so is possibly this year’s token homosexual. Studied psychology, but no evidence that he's ever put it to use in real life.

Brianna, 21 – Retail Sales/ Make-up Artist
The Survivor most likely to do a bikini photo shoot for a lads magazine like FHM, but only after getting voted off early for her appalling work ethic around camp and annoying mannerisms.

Brooke, 26 - Law Student
On paper looks smart and fit, so a definite contender. Should do well on the challenges and has top three potential unless the others feel threatened by her once the individual challenges start.

Cindy, 31 – Zookeeper
Has an identical twin sister named Mindy (!!). May turn out to be the camp loudmouth who gets voted out around the mid-point of the game so the others can get some peace and quiet.

Danni, 30 - Sports Radio Talk Show Host
The girls will feel threatened, and the boys will be aroused but terrified. An early exit despite her impressive physical strength in the challenges for being just too much for anyone.

Gary, 46 - Ex-NFL Quarterback/Real Estate Developer
Will annoy everyone by rabbiting on about his glory days in the NFL and be voted off early. This is a preview of what Gregg from Palau will be like 20 years from now.

Jamie, 24 - Water Ski Instructor
Has an identical twin brother named Ramie (!!). That hair cut is already pretty bad, and will only get worse after a few weeks in the jungle. Survivor most likely to be asked by his tribe to bathe.

Jim, 63 - Retired Fire Captain
A fireman won the last series, but good for a top-three long shot if he’s kept his fitness up and doesn’t hold the team back. Favourite colour is Marine Corp Green, so could be a bit too gung-ho for some.

Judd, 34 - Hotel Doorman
Has an identical twin brother named - wait for it - Timmy. Depending how long he's been a door bitch he could be a very sharp judge of character, and will probably give some good interviews.

Lydia, 42 – Fishmonger

Puerto Rico is officially a US territory, and hardly an ethic minority, but she's the closest we've got to a token foreigner this season. Likely to struggle in the early challenges and be seen as a liability. First to get voted out of her tribe.

Margaret, 43 - Family Nurse Practitioner
Will be kept to the end for her work ethic. Might make the final three, but won’t be taken to the final two if she gets there. Of course, that's exactly what I said about Palau's Wanda and I was very wrong then.

Morgan, 21 - Magician’s Assistant/Waitress
The dark horse who plays the dumb blonde but is actually controlling things behind the scenes. Will go far, and probably make the final five assuming she doesn't cause her team to lose challenges.

Rafe, 22 - Ivy League Student
Mormon Mommy's boy. Lived in Sydney for a while and barracks for the Swans, so he's a Yank who's actually heard of the rest of the world. Should therefore do well on the Guatemala Quiz challenge.


My friend Nicole pointed out that it's weird having three Survivors with identical twins. Could the producers be planning some sort of Big Brother switcheroo scam? You read it here first...

Survivor Guatemala update

GLORIOUS NEWS!

Some time in the last 12 hours, CBS updated its website to announce that Survivor Guatemala premieres in the US on Thursday 15th September, along with photos of the Survivors and brief bios on each one.

http://www.cbs.com/primetime/survivor11/

No info yet from Channel Eddie about when it will show here in Oz, but Tuesday 20 September would be a good bet based on past years. That might be why we're getting the final season of Frasier in a double dose every week; to get through them all before Survivor starts. Just a theory.

Next week I'll have a Form Guide up on the site making some gross generalisations about the contestants based on little more info than their job and favourite colour. You don't think you can judge a Survivor by its favourite colour? What would you say about a man who seriously puts "deep teal" on his application form? How about "marine corps green"?

I'm so excited I could be the fourth Pointer Sister.

Amazing Race: the post-finale conspiracies

I'm having withdrawal pangs from decent Reality TV (and by that I specifically and unapologetically exclude Big Brother and Australian Idol, although I reserve the right to post about Idol if one of the contestants really bugs me).

Anyway, there was much talk at work last Friday morning about whether or not the Amazing Race producers bribed American Airlines (and remember, AA is who most of the stage winner prizes are from so they’re a major sponsor of TAR) to let Uchenna and Joyce on the same plane as Rob and Amber to make the last 20 minutes interesting. I had to know more, so I googled the topic and found a strange, scary underworld of fanatical people with waaaay too much time on their hands.

http://community.realitytvworld.com/boards/DCForumID54/1059.shtml is a particularly amusing little universe. This link should take you to the start of a topic about whether AA breached federal aviation safety rules by letting people on the plane after the door had been closed. NINETY posts!! on this topic later I found two gems that I reproduce here, hopefully without breaching copyright laws since I’m crediting the source. By all means read through all of the posts that were logged, but these were the only ones that really amused me.

The first is an interview Rob and Amber did with America’s version of TV Week. The second is an opinion from an actual AA pilot on what the rules are on letting people on a plane after the doors close, which stopped the topic dead and therefore seems to be the final word on the matter as far as TAR community is concerned. Either that or they all simulataneously found a life.


Rob and Amber Interview:

TVGuide.com: Coming to the finish line, how far behind Uchenna and Joyce were you?

Rob Mariano: We were about 30 minutes behind them, but we pretty much knew it was over when we got to the cigar shop. We were disappointed that they held that plane from Puerto Rico to Miami to let Uchenna and Joyce on. If they hadn't, we would have had the race in the bag. We were pulling away from the gate and then all of a sudden the plane backed up and the jetway was pulled out. American Airlines owes us a million bucks.

TVG: Sounds like you may have some conspiracy theories about the way this played out.

Rob: We'll leave that up to the viewers to decide. It was a bit sketchy to me. I don't know the last time you saw anyone re-open a plane door for somebody. And it wouldn't have been too dramatic if only one team was running to the finish line.

TVG: Was it difficult to relive the experience again last Tuesday night?

Amber Brkich: Yeah, watching the finale was a little rough. We had kind of forgotten about it and then, all of a sudden, all those emotions come back up again. It was tough because we were ahead pretty much the whole race and we were feeling really, really good when we got on the plane.

Rob: They didn't show it, but I was yelling and screaming at the producers on the plane. And the thing that got me is, watching the show, you didn't even really see Uchenna and Joyce lobbying that hard to open the doors. They just seemed to magically talk to the pilot somehow. In my experience, I've never been able to do that. Regardless, it's in the past and our hats are off to Uchenna and Joyce. They fought a good race, they ended up winning and we give that to them. If anybody else was going to win it besides us, we're glad it was them.

TVG: Rob, this is the second time in a row you've finished second after dominating the competition. That's got to be frustrating.

Rob: Yeah, it's tough. And Rupert ran away with that "America's Tribal Council" thing. So I've had three shots to win a million bucks — well, four shots Marquesas — and I came out second place three times. But we had a great time doing the race regardless. We got some awesome experiences out of it and we got to visit some great places and have a good time.

TVG: And you got some good prizes out of the deal, too.

Rob: It's not even close, bro. I'd trade all the prizes in a heartbeat for the first place win. I don't even want the million, I just want to come in first in something!

TVG: How does The Amazing Race compare to Survivor? Easier or harder?

Rob: It's a tough question. They're completely different shows, and I can't say which is harder. Survivor is more physically demanding on your body, but the race is definitely more stressful in the fact that you're always on the move. On Survivor, if your alliances are good, you can attain a certain comfort level where you can relax a little bit. Here, there's no relaxing. They're both a lot tougher than they look. I was blown away by the sleep depravation on the race. For the first three days, I didn't sleep at all and I was thinking, "This is like Survivor all over again!"

TVG: Did you go on the show with the intention of messing with the rules?

Rob: That's always my strategy with every game I'm playing. And not once during the race did Amber and I ever break the rules — we always played within them. But let me tell you something: Make sure your rules are well-defined, because we'll find a way around them if we have to. Some people have the philosophy that if the front door is closed, they'll sit and wait until it opens. Our philosophy is, if the front door's closed, let's go around to the back or to the roof or underneath. And I think that helped us a lot on the race.

TVG: It didn't win you many friends, though.

Amber: We've been doing this for a while now, and you learn that not everyone out there is going to love you. Your friends and family are there first and foremost. Those are the people who will love you before and after, and that's really what matters. And you know, after your first reality show, you go, "Oh, that was nice, we made a couple friends." But when you get a second chance like we did on All-Stars, you think, "OK, how many times do you get a second chance at winning a million bucks?" So this is our third shot and we're not going out there to make friends. We already have friends; we already have family.

Rob: A lot of the racers definitely had preconceived notions about us and I can see where they're coming from, to a degree. We're previous winners and you don't want the winners to win again, OK. But I think they took it to the extreme. More than half the teams out there were more concerned with whether they were beating us rather than where they were in the race. If they had paid more attention to their own game instead of what we were doing, I think they would have done a lot better. Of the teams, only Ron and Kelly really took the time to get to know us on a personal level. They would talk to us in the airports. What you don't see is that a lot of the other teams wouldn't come near us. I don't know if they were intimidated or what. But they did not make an effort, and when we made an effort to try and talk to them, they thought we were scheming.

TVG: Do you think your celebrity gave you an unfair advantage?

Rob: I don't think it gave us an unfair advantage. It definitely gave us an advantage to a degree, especially in Peru and Africa where people actually noticed us for being on Survivor. However, a lot of times, all we did was get locals to help us out. It's a simple concept and it's been done in the past. I got the idea from watching old episodes of the Race. Why the other teams never did it, I will never know. They saw us doing it, so they should have just followed our lead. But it's easy to cry about things afterwards when you don't do so well and look for excuses. I think it's obvious with a lot of the teams' post-interviews. You can see it.

Amber: I think every team has an advantage, you just have to figure out what it is. For example, Meredith and Gretchen's advantage was that they're an older couple and people kind of wanted to take care of them and help them out. So as long as you figure out what your niche is, you can use it to your advantage.

TVG: Do you think that you've left an impact on the game?

Rob: Oh, without a doubt. I wouldn't say that we impacted it in a negative way; I'd say in a positive way. We played the game differently than it's ever been played before. We've probably changed the game forever. I think people will think twice and realize that it's a competitive game for $1 million. That's a lot of money; it will change somebody's life.

TVG: You were definitely working like a well-oiled machine. How did you manage to keep the stress from impacting your relationship?

Amber: It's distracting when you waste time arguing. You'll stand there for five minutes arguing and other teams will pass you. Rob and I went into this game knowing our relationship wasn't worth $1 million, so we weren't going to throw away our relationship over that. A lot of people do go on the show and it hurts their relationships, which is unfortunate. But it's a great place to learn how to compromise. I think if you do that, you come out a better person.

TVG: There was one point where you seemed close to arguing, though, at that Fast Forward in South Africa.

Amber: Well, I wasn't talking to Rob at that particular point. So when he was telling me to make a decision I was like, "Too bad, I'm not talking to you." We had been lost for two hours and I was still mad about that. So that was one of our biggest frustration points. That was also the leg where we came in fifth place.

Rob: That was my fault also, because in retrospect, it wasn't 100 percent her decision. We were both indecisive — neither of us knew what to do. Here's the thing: We're a normal couple, just like everyone else. We do fight and we do argue. Especially when you're in that kind of situation, the stress gets to everybody. So, of course, sometimes we snap at each other, but we're smart enough to realize that we need to stop it then and there. Like everything in life, it's about compromise.

TVG: So what's next for you both? More TV?

Rob: Well, we've got the wedding show on May 24 and, after that, we've got a pretty full schedule. I'm going to play in the World Series of Poker this summer again and give that another go. And stay tuned, because we've got other things in the works. We're negotiating right now. As soon as we can tell you, we'll let you know.


What a pilot says

"Well, it's not a pilot directly - just a very good friend of mine who has been a pilot for AA for the past 30 years. Currently he's flying a Chicago/London run. He doesn't watch the show, but I when I called him and described to him generally what happened and he gave me some insight.

It boils down to the gate agent and the pilot. With AA (and probably other carriers) the gate agent actually gets incentive pay and bonuses based upon planes getting off on time or ahead of time. So, increasingly they are closing the gate 10 minutes before push back. My friend used to begin his pre-flight sequence check list 5 minutes before push back, but has had to increase it to 10 minutes because the gate agents are closing sooner these days and to delay his checklist would keep the plane on the ground longer than necessary. He added that if the gate agents are late closing they get "hammered" by the airlines.

He says that as captain he rarely gets a call these days to allow a passenger on after the jetway pushes back. However, that's more because he's on international flights. He experienced it a lot when he was flying domestic.

He also observed that the San Juan to Miami route is a VERY heavy route for AA. Miami is a hub so gate agents are always working hard to keep flights on time or early so people can make their scheduled changes in Miami. Whether a gate agent would call a pilot in an instance like this probably depends in part on the relationship they have. If it's tight the agent wouldn't hesitate at all to call the pilot IF the gate had closed early.

From there on it's totally captains discretion. If he decides to take them then he has to change his flight log and reinsert a new out time for the flight. So, it's also his issue if the flight is going to run late and he wants to avoid that.

He also added that this type of situation is a tough call for a pilot. He's sitting there and can see into the terminal and he'd have to have a heart of stone if the flight is running early to not let someone on the plane who has obviously just run up to the gate and is trying to get on the flight. My friend said he was especially lenient with families with kids when he flew domestic.

In the end he said he couldn't really determine if there was undue influence in part because he wasn't familiar with the show, but he laughed at the idea that a show producer could have that particular kind of clout on a specific flight. Still, he said without knowing the specific details he couldn't say absolutely that what happened was normal, but that it didn't seem at all unusual to him."