The opening 75 seconds of this week's episode featured Judd using the word "man" at an average of every eight seconds. At some point during this burst of eloquence he uttered the biggest understatement in Survivor history to describe his behaviour at Tribal Council that night: "I kinda had a little outburst." Ironically, if he'd just admit he's ADD he could probably use it as an excuse for forgetting how bad his behaviour really was.
It's hard to think of a Survivor who is more rude, self-centred, obnoxious and overbearing than Judd. "Johnny Fairplay" from Survivor Pearl Islands comes close on a few of those measures, but since he'd probably enjoy the attention I refuse to include him as a nominee. Jamie this week confirmed my sneaking suspicion of why the others are putting up with Judd at all: whoever takes him to the final two is guaranteed of winning the million dollars for themself. At least Judd can say his life has a purpose.
Christo inspired this week's reward challenge. First one person had to wind fabric off a pole and around their body by twirling and running at the same time. Then they had to run to the next pole, clip onto the next contestant and spool another piece of fabric around both of them. They then had to try and run like Siamese twins to the third pole where they did the same again, until finally there was four of them all trying to twirl and run simultaneously. The truly funny bit came when they had to unwind again and run to the finish line, because those at the middle of the pack were completely dizzy by the end and couldn’t run straight. Guatemala's Funniest Home Videos, here we come!
Jeff announced the reward and asked, "Worth playing for?" as he always does. This week it was a flying fox ride through the jungle canopy, followed by a chocolate feast (apparently the Maya were the civilisation who discovered chocolate and to whom we all owe a debt of incalculable thanks). Bobby Jon tried to describe the wide variety of forms the chocolate took: "There was cake, praline, cookies, strawberries; everything!" Um, strawberries are a member of the fruit food group, Bobby Jon, not the chocolate food group. Don't worry your pretty head about it, darl.
At least nobody got hurt this week. Amy's ankle injury from rolling under the big rock in last week's reward challenge was obvious, but the next day the only person in Yaxhá who didn't seem to have seven layers of skin missing off their shoulders was Gary (maybe he had his quarterback shoulder guards on under his T-shirt). One could easily blame the rock itself, but nobody in Nakúm seemed to have huge weeping sores sticking to their t-shirts and attracting small fish when they swam.
During their chocolate-induced sugar high, Yaxhá decided to paddle over to Nakúm's camp and invite them back to a pool party for Danni's birthday. Despite the unexpected invitation interrupting their game of Old Maid (played using a deck of cards made out of leaves), and deep reservations on the part of both hosts and guests about whether Bobby Jon and Jamie could be trusted to behave themselves, the invitation was duly accepted. Nakúm got to polish off the leftover chocolate, and much fun was had by everyone until Judd stripped down to his white t-shirt fabric boxer shorts and jumped in. Actually the jumping in wasn't so bad as when he got out again as they had become slightly translucent. Was white really the best colour underpants to choose for 39 days straight in the jungle?
In the immunity challenge the teams had to find big jigsaw puzzle pieces buried in a sandpit and then assemble them to form a replica of the Maya calendar. Heaven forbid they should have to do anything really challenging, like navigate using Mayan astronomy or solve problems using some of the mathematical principles the Maya developed. Actually that's being a bit unfair. Bobby Jon was able to work out all by himself that if Yaxhá lost the challenge they'd only have four people and Nakúm would have six, which would be bad going into the merge. Between his Alabama accent and the mumbling there were parts of his soliloquy at which even the subtitle people weren't game to hazard a guess, but that was the general gist of it.
Nakúm manage to take an early lead and keep it, despite Jamie dropping one of the larger puzzle pieces on Stephanie's foot. She wasn't complaining when they won immunity for the second week in a row and sent Yaxhá to Tribal Council. Amy, who looks more and more like a young Kurt Russell in drag every week, knew straight away that she was vulnerable but fought right to the end regardless. Gary promised to vote with her against Bobby Jon, but only if she got Danni on side. Obviously that didn’t happen, and it was yet another unanimous vote with Amy as the stoic victim.
This week's twist was Jeff's announcement at the end of the episode that the merge had just happened, followed by the distribution of red buffs for Gary, Danni, Bobby Jon and Brandon to take with them to their new home at Nakúm's camp. With ten Survivors now left, the break-down is five original Yaxhá (Stephanie, Rafe, Lydia, Gary and Jamie) and five original Nakúm (Danni, Cindy, Brandon, Bobby Jon and Judd). As Bobby Jon pointed out, however, it's 6-4 in favour for the new Yaxhá tribe. It's going to be very interesting to see how the numbers stack up.
It's also going to be interesting seeing how Stephanie and Bobby Jon cope over the next few weeks, with a lot of their tribemates saying that nobody deserves a second chance at Survivor unless it's an All Stars series. Bobby Jon is just hoping to make it to the jury, claiming that it has been a "lifelong dream" of his. Since the show only started in 1999 I somewhat doubt that. Don't worry your pretty head about it, darl.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Survivor Guatemala: week 6
I've had an entire week to come up with a metaphor or analogy or other allegorical device to describe the almost biffo between Jamie and Bobby Jon that occurred during this week's challenge. For those who didn't see the ads, the two of them went toe-to-toe and chest-to-chest screaming at each other. It was entirely Discovery Channel in nature, but what particular animals were they behaving like? Eventually it came to me: seagulls fighting over a chip. Although I've never heard a seagull walking way from a fight tell the other contestant, "That's not nice!" the way Bobby Jon did.
We were spared the pain of listening to the crappy tree mail poem, so only found out when the tribes arrived at the challenge site that there would be no tribal immunity this week since both teams were going to Tribal Council and voting someone out that night. In yet another very early departure from formula, the members of the winning team would get the reward and then compete in a second challenge for individual immunity. As a further twist, the person with immunity would sit in on the other Tribal Council and get some secret inside information about the other team.
Of all the challenges so far, this was the one most obviously lifted from an Indiana Jones movie. Two members from each tribe had to try and roll that big rock from Raiders of the Lost Ark across their goal line. At one point Jamie's team scored a win over Bobby Jon's team, and we had the seagull incident. Jamie later explained it as follows: "He's in my face yellin', and I'm from the South, and the only thing I know how to do is yell back." I think that explains much of George W Bush's foreign policy.
Amy rolled her weak ankle again, but still managed to help Yaxhá win the following round and earned considerable respect from both her team a certain couch here in Kingsville. In the end Nakúm won both the overall game and a meat tray which then sat out in the 45ºC heat while they competed for individual immunity.
The second challenge was a simple relay to collect three bags and rearrange the big Scrabble tiles they contained to make the words "Ancient Ruin". Judd couldn't even get his own bags open, but could see Rafe's tiles well enough to tell him the answer and hand him individual immunity. It’s pretty embarrassing to be standing there, close but utterly stumped, and have Judd of all people provide an intellectual leg-up.
While Stephanie mistook two consecutive victories for a winning streak, the rest of the tribe got stuck into their reward of barbecue and beers. The production crew had soaked the labels off the bottles (obviously the companies weren’t prepared to pay the exorbitant product placement rates), which made it a bit tricky to keep track of who'd drunk what. Judd was the obvious culprit when some beer went missing (or was that just because we saw so much footage of him drinking), but nobody else in the tribe seemed brave enough to directly accuse him. They didn’t have to, really: he protested his innocence with an unnatural degree of vehemence, and then claimed that he'd won the reward for the team so he'd earned the extra beer anyway. The prosecution rests, your Honour.
Yaxhá was first to Tribal Council, and it quickly became apparent that Judd had neither cooled down nor sobered up. He assured us all - twice - that he is a good sportsmanship, and his use of the word "man" in lieu of punctuation was so pervasive that I rewatched the entire episode and kept count: 43 that I heard, which is an impressive per minute average when you take out the ads, the challenges and the scenes of the other tribe.
Arguably the funniest moment in the series so far came when Margaret claimed Judd doesn't listen to other people. He interrupted her, then he interrupted Cindy answering his question "Do I listen to you?" Next he interrupted Rafe's answer to the same question (well, it was more a demand than a question) and the didn’t give the others a chance to answer. He even interrupted the normally unflappable Jeff, who has seem some pretty childish behaviour at Tribal Council in the past but still seemed shocked. Here's a hint, Judd: it doesn't help your claim that you're not ADD if you can't sit still or hold your temper.
Everything Margaret said about Judd was true, but equally true were Cindy and Judd's observations that Margaret was miserable about the tribe switch up, and that there'd be peace at camp so long as either she or Judd left. When she was evicted, in what to me was a surprise unanimous vote, Judd gloated like a smug eight year old and I fear he will make the next few days peaceful but unbearable for everyone.
Yaxhá, meanwhile, was a model of unity. Well, at least everyone was saying the right things, even if they didn't actually mean them. Bobby Jon was full of praise for Brian's gamesmanship, and indeed Brian has been a very skilled Survivor. He was spot on with his quote as he voted for Bobby Jon: "This is the outwit part of outwit, outplay, outlast." Unfortunately he was the one being outwitted, as Amy and Gary had sided with the old Nakúm to unanimously vote Brian out.
In yet another twist, however, Brian still had one chance to stay in the game. Immediately prior to the vote commencing, Jeff announced that Rafe, who had sat in on proceedings, would hand his immunity to the person of his choice by placing a name in an envelope in the ballot cookie jar. Who knows what would have happened if Rafe had given Brian immunity, but he gave it to Gary instead (why, I do not know), so the votes against Brian stood. Not knowing who couldn’t be voted out certainly added a degree of novelty to the voting process, and there's been some pretty good twists so far this season already. It'll be very interesting to see if the immunity idol has been retired or just given a rest this week.
We were spared the pain of listening to the crappy tree mail poem, so only found out when the tribes arrived at the challenge site that there would be no tribal immunity this week since both teams were going to Tribal Council and voting someone out that night. In yet another very early departure from formula, the members of the winning team would get the reward and then compete in a second challenge for individual immunity. As a further twist, the person with immunity would sit in on the other Tribal Council and get some secret inside information about the other team.
Of all the challenges so far, this was the one most obviously lifted from an Indiana Jones movie. Two members from each tribe had to try and roll that big rock from Raiders of the Lost Ark across their goal line. At one point Jamie's team scored a win over Bobby Jon's team, and we had the seagull incident. Jamie later explained it as follows: "He's in my face yellin', and I'm from the South, and the only thing I know how to do is yell back." I think that explains much of George W Bush's foreign policy.
Amy rolled her weak ankle again, but still managed to help Yaxhá win the following round and earned considerable respect from both her team a certain couch here in Kingsville. In the end Nakúm won both the overall game and a meat tray which then sat out in the 45ºC heat while they competed for individual immunity.
The second challenge was a simple relay to collect three bags and rearrange the big Scrabble tiles they contained to make the words "Ancient Ruin". Judd couldn't even get his own bags open, but could see Rafe's tiles well enough to tell him the answer and hand him individual immunity. It’s pretty embarrassing to be standing there, close but utterly stumped, and have Judd of all people provide an intellectual leg-up.
While Stephanie mistook two consecutive victories for a winning streak, the rest of the tribe got stuck into their reward of barbecue and beers. The production crew had soaked the labels off the bottles (obviously the companies weren’t prepared to pay the exorbitant product placement rates), which made it a bit tricky to keep track of who'd drunk what. Judd was the obvious culprit when some beer went missing (or was that just because we saw so much footage of him drinking), but nobody else in the tribe seemed brave enough to directly accuse him. They didn’t have to, really: he protested his innocence with an unnatural degree of vehemence, and then claimed that he'd won the reward for the team so he'd earned the extra beer anyway. The prosecution rests, your Honour.
Yaxhá was first to Tribal Council, and it quickly became apparent that Judd had neither cooled down nor sobered up. He assured us all - twice - that he is a good sportsmanship, and his use of the word "man" in lieu of punctuation was so pervasive that I rewatched the entire episode and kept count: 43 that I heard, which is an impressive per minute average when you take out the ads, the challenges and the scenes of the other tribe.
Arguably the funniest moment in the series so far came when Margaret claimed Judd doesn't listen to other people. He interrupted her, then he interrupted Cindy answering his question "Do I listen to you?" Next he interrupted Rafe's answer to the same question (well, it was more a demand than a question) and the didn’t give the others a chance to answer. He even interrupted the normally unflappable Jeff, who has seem some pretty childish behaviour at Tribal Council in the past but still seemed shocked. Here's a hint, Judd: it doesn't help your claim that you're not ADD if you can't sit still or hold your temper.
Everything Margaret said about Judd was true, but equally true were Cindy and Judd's observations that Margaret was miserable about the tribe switch up, and that there'd be peace at camp so long as either she or Judd left. When she was evicted, in what to me was a surprise unanimous vote, Judd gloated like a smug eight year old and I fear he will make the next few days peaceful but unbearable for everyone.
Yaxhá, meanwhile, was a model of unity. Well, at least everyone was saying the right things, even if they didn't actually mean them. Bobby Jon was full of praise for Brian's gamesmanship, and indeed Brian has been a very skilled Survivor. He was spot on with his quote as he voted for Bobby Jon: "This is the outwit part of outwit, outplay, outlast." Unfortunately he was the one being outwitted, as Amy and Gary had sided with the old Nakúm to unanimously vote Brian out.
In yet another twist, however, Brian still had one chance to stay in the game. Immediately prior to the vote commencing, Jeff announced that Rafe, who had sat in on proceedings, would hand his immunity to the person of his choice by placing a name in an envelope in the ballot cookie jar. Who knows what would have happened if Rafe had given Brian immunity, but he gave it to Gary instead (why, I do not know), so the votes against Brian stood. Not knowing who couldn’t be voted out certainly added a degree of novelty to the voting process, and there's been some pretty good twists so far this season already. It'll be very interesting to see if the immunity idol has been retired or just given a rest this week.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Survivor Guatemala: week 5
Something incredibly rare happened this week on Survivor: we had a single camera shot featuring both a Survivor and a dangerous animal. As Bobby Jon watched the sun rise over the lake, a crocodile surfaced about 400 metres away. Sure, they used really big zoom lens, and he was in no even medium-term danger, but it's still unusual.
Judd's probably in more danger. In the aftermath of Nakúm's most recent trip to Tribal Council, at which he voted against his former tribemate Brooke, Judd was all self-defence and no clue. "I don't give a flyin' rat's ass what people think of me" is probably not the best thing to say to your tribemates this early in the game, and especially when you're on Stephanie's team and likely to be back at Tribal Council sooner rather than later.
Yaxhá seems to be a much more united state of affairs, despite the Mason-Dixon line running down the middle. On one side you've got the Bible-belt Southerners who pray before everything, talk about their cowboy boots and can have in-depth conversations about preferred brands of farm machinery. On the other you've got Amy (who's never been camping, doesn't realise that bugs can fly and has no idea how wheat is grown) and Brian, who candidly admits to being a New England blue-state atheist. Gary seems to be keeping quiet, presumably to avoid any difficult questions about his sporting prowess.
The reward challenge consisted of more allegedly Mayan cultural activities. One person from each team had to cut through two ropes using a sharp stone, Maya style. Another person then had to cut through a log with a machete. I don't think the Maya had machetes: if they did, why didn't they use one instead of a rock to cut ropes? Eventually the tribes had to winch a small wagon up a hill, then jump in and ride it back down the track just like the mines in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. It's all genuine archaeology on this show.
It ended up being one of the most crushing defeats in Survivor history, and guess who lost (I'll give you a hint: Stephanie is on one of the teams). Jamie was so slow cutting through the ropes that we got a beautiful camera angle of him hacking away while Yaxhá's cart trundled past in the background. Judd made no attempt to disguise his disgust, even taking it out on Cindy at one point for not "stepping up to the plate". Fortunately Lydia saved the day by going a little crazy and teaching everyone the 'Pancake Dance'. Jamie said she looked like she was having a seizure, which is about the most profound thing he's said yet.
Yaxhá's prize was a jug of Magaritas, chip 'n' dip and best of all a croc-proof swimming cage off the end of their dock. They all managed to chill out enough to tolerate Blake mouthing off about himself and his girlfriend's double D breasts, and how they got even bigger after she went on the pill, and the time he got drunk, and all the other cool things he's ever done. Like Judd, he's just not smart enough to know when to shut up, but unlike Judd he's got Brian playing "Bait Blake", passing the shovel and encouraging him to keep on digging.
The immunity challenge was yet another genuine "we read about this on the Internet so it must be true" Mayan sport. One person from each tribe took turns flinging a papier-mâché ball from a catapult, while the other six members of each tribe tried to catch them in big triangular nets. The trick was that each net was held by three people, who had to use teamwork and run in the same direction at the same time to have any chance of catching the ball. In a genuinely surprising result, Nakúm (ie. Stephanie's tribe) actually managed to win an immunity challenge. The only thing more surprising was that they were so relatively restrained in their victory celebrations, considering Yaxhá's appalling gloating after the reward challenge win. Bobby Jon in particular had adopted a peculiarly cocky legs-up-in-the-air pose while rolling down the hill to victory, and I hope his coccyx recovers soon from the impact it would have incurred when the cart slammed into the pile of dirt at the end.
Brian, Amy and Gary immediately started lobbying the four old-Nakúm members in the hope that at least one of them has had enough of Blake's braggadocio to vote him out. Bobby Jon was smart enough to acknowledge that he's not smart enough to think for himself, and took Gary's advice since Gary is good at team stuff (Gary, when even Bobby Jon has seen through your lies about being a former star quarterback it's time to give them up).
Danni didn't seem sure what to do, and Brandon stated outright that he wouldn't vote for Blake at this stage and would instead vote for Brian. Since the plan only three days before was to pick Amy off first, I'm not sure why Brian suddenly became the first target of the old-Yaxhá trio. Suddenly in the middle of all this politicking we were suddenly confronted with a shot of an insect crawling across a crocodile's eyeball and disappearing when it blinked. It seemed to be a metaphor, but I'm still not sure what it represented. All suggestions welcome.
Either way, last week's wee-stained handshake didn't hold up, with both Danni and Bobby Jon voting against Blake and sending him home in a result he definitely didn't see coming. That swings the balance of numbers across the two tribes back in favour of the original Yaxhá tribe (ie. Stephanie's) so perhaps she's not the jinx after all. I just wouldn't want to be in Judd's shoes now that the precedent has been set for voting off loud-mouthed nuisances regardless of how strong they are in challenges.
Judd's probably in more danger. In the aftermath of Nakúm's most recent trip to Tribal Council, at which he voted against his former tribemate Brooke, Judd was all self-defence and no clue. "I don't give a flyin' rat's ass what people think of me" is probably not the best thing to say to your tribemates this early in the game, and especially when you're on Stephanie's team and likely to be back at Tribal Council sooner rather than later.
Yaxhá seems to be a much more united state of affairs, despite the Mason-Dixon line running down the middle. On one side you've got the Bible-belt Southerners who pray before everything, talk about their cowboy boots and can have in-depth conversations about preferred brands of farm machinery. On the other you've got Amy (who's never been camping, doesn't realise that bugs can fly and has no idea how wheat is grown) and Brian, who candidly admits to being a New England blue-state atheist. Gary seems to be keeping quiet, presumably to avoid any difficult questions about his sporting prowess.
The reward challenge consisted of more allegedly Mayan cultural activities. One person from each team had to cut through two ropes using a sharp stone, Maya style. Another person then had to cut through a log with a machete. I don't think the Maya had machetes: if they did, why didn't they use one instead of a rock to cut ropes? Eventually the tribes had to winch a small wagon up a hill, then jump in and ride it back down the track just like the mines in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. It's all genuine archaeology on this show.
It ended up being one of the most crushing defeats in Survivor history, and guess who lost (I'll give you a hint: Stephanie is on one of the teams). Jamie was so slow cutting through the ropes that we got a beautiful camera angle of him hacking away while Yaxhá's cart trundled past in the background. Judd made no attempt to disguise his disgust, even taking it out on Cindy at one point for not "stepping up to the plate". Fortunately Lydia saved the day by going a little crazy and teaching everyone the 'Pancake Dance'. Jamie said she looked like she was having a seizure, which is about the most profound thing he's said yet.
Yaxhá's prize was a jug of Magaritas, chip 'n' dip and best of all a croc-proof swimming cage off the end of their dock. They all managed to chill out enough to tolerate Blake mouthing off about himself and his girlfriend's double D breasts, and how they got even bigger after she went on the pill, and the time he got drunk, and all the other cool things he's ever done. Like Judd, he's just not smart enough to know when to shut up, but unlike Judd he's got Brian playing "Bait Blake", passing the shovel and encouraging him to keep on digging.
The immunity challenge was yet another genuine "we read about this on the Internet so it must be true" Mayan sport. One person from each tribe took turns flinging a papier-mâché ball from a catapult, while the other six members of each tribe tried to catch them in big triangular nets. The trick was that each net was held by three people, who had to use teamwork and run in the same direction at the same time to have any chance of catching the ball. In a genuinely surprising result, Nakúm (ie. Stephanie's tribe) actually managed to win an immunity challenge. The only thing more surprising was that they were so relatively restrained in their victory celebrations, considering Yaxhá's appalling gloating after the reward challenge win. Bobby Jon in particular had adopted a peculiarly cocky legs-up-in-the-air pose while rolling down the hill to victory, and I hope his coccyx recovers soon from the impact it would have incurred when the cart slammed into the pile of dirt at the end.
Brian, Amy and Gary immediately started lobbying the four old-Nakúm members in the hope that at least one of them has had enough of Blake's braggadocio to vote him out. Bobby Jon was smart enough to acknowledge that he's not smart enough to think for himself, and took Gary's advice since Gary is good at team stuff (Gary, when even Bobby Jon has seen through your lies about being a former star quarterback it's time to give them up).
Danni didn't seem sure what to do, and Brandon stated outright that he wouldn't vote for Blake at this stage and would instead vote for Brian. Since the plan only three days before was to pick Amy off first, I'm not sure why Brian suddenly became the first target of the old-Yaxhá trio. Suddenly in the middle of all this politicking we were suddenly confronted with a shot of an insect crawling across a crocodile's eyeball and disappearing when it blinked. It seemed to be a metaphor, but I'm still not sure what it represented. All suggestions welcome.
Either way, last week's wee-stained handshake didn't hold up, with both Danni and Bobby Jon voting against Blake and sending him home in a result he definitely didn't see coming. That swings the balance of numbers across the two tribes back in favour of the original Yaxhá tribe (ie. Stephanie's) so perhaps she's not the jinx after all. I just wouldn't want to be in Judd's shoes now that the precedent has been set for voting off loud-mouthed nuisances regardless of how strong they are in challenges.
Monday, October 10, 2005
Survivor Guatemala: week 4
This week started out with a comparison between the camps. At one they're catching fish, sighting crocodiles, laughing and joking around and generally having a great time. At the other they're complaining about the heat and the mosquitoes, laying around with no energy to do anything and wondering of the others, "God knows what it's like around their place if it's this bad here." By now you'd be thinking that the second camp is that of perennial losers Yaxhá, but you'd be wrong. The producers really have some explaining to do about how Nakúm's camp could have been judged the better site of the two.
In deference to the heat, the reward challenge didn't require even brain power, let alone muscle. Each Survivor simply had to nominate a member of their tribe as the answer to a series of questions. The first one was, "Who in your tribe is most in need of nourishment?" with Jamie from Yaxhá and walking skeleton Danni from Nakúm getting the most votes and each winning an apple. Gary and Bobby Jon each won 20 litres of fresh water, some shampoo, the use of a bush shower and considerable encouragement and instruction in its use from their "friends" as a "reward" for being voted the smelliest.
The next question, "Who are the man and woman most deserving of a picnic on top of an Mayan pyramid?" had a fairly predictable prize but a completely unpredictable implication. With winners Gary, Amy, Margaret and Judd sent off with a basket of goodies, only the remaining Survivors voted on the next question: "Who has the most tribe pride?" The prize for Yaxhá's Brian and Nakúm's Cindy was that they got to stay in their own tribe, while everyone else had to swap. Well, not quite everyone. With five remaining Nakúm members a random draw decided who got to keep a yellow buff (Brooke) and who changed to blue (everyone else). I imagine that Danni and Brooke are both wishing they could have swapped, Danni because of the creepy excited look on Brian's face when he realised they're now in the same tribe.
Gary, of course, was far less excited at the prospect of Danni as a tribemate. Having been quizzed about being a retired pro-football quarterback during the picnic – and denying it point-blank yet again – he returned to discover he's now living with the woman who outed him and – like a superhero - he was forced to once again deny his true identity. At least we all now know why he's hiding it: Danni is annoyed that he's lying to her, but can understand that his football career will have left him very wealthy and that he's afraid the others will think he doesn't need or deserve the million dollars. He's right to worry: Amy can smell the lie and has stated outright, "If he's a multi-millionaire I'll freakin' kill him!"
If nothing else, the tribe swap has finally prompted some long-overdue politicking. Brian instantly went into campaign mode trying to win over the new members of Yaxhá, especially since the old members are now outnumbered four to three. Blake has also noticed that it's four on three , so during a toilet break with Bobby Jon (maybe they decided this camp will smell of wee instead of vomit like their last one) he outlined his master plan to keep the two of them plus Danni and Brandon and get rid of Amy, Brian and Gary: "We win every competition and we wipe them out. Then we figure out between the four of us." It seems to have escaped them that you only get to vote people out if you lose immunity challenges. The pair of young Einsteins both agreed to the plan and shook on it, and with neither having washed his hands there was presumably no need to spit in their palms to exchange bodily fluids to seal the pledge.
For this week's immunity challenge the teams had to row out into the lake and retrieve three bags of Mayan-style timber war clubs, then row back to shore and throw the clubs to break three tiles faster than the other team. A mid-race collision of Bathurst proportions saw Nakúm push their competitors well off course and win a handy lead in the race back to shore, but Yaxhá managed to catch up when Judd wouldn't tag out and let someone else have a go at the fun throwing bit. In the end Brandon sealed it for the new Yaxhá and confirmed everyone's suspicion that Stephanie is the source of the bad luck for her team, not just a victim of it. According to Jeff she's now lost 81% of the Survivor challenges she's ever attempted.
Everyone at Nakúm – including Judd – quickly figured out that Judd was the potential swing voter but it was interesting how the different sides approached him. Stephanie and Jamie appealed to his strength and blokiness. Margaret used math and logic to try and retain his loyalty to herself, Brooke and Cindy. Needless to say the latter approach bounced off him, and Brooke was voted out 5-3 in the first tribal council at which all the votes have had to be read out. She must really be wishing she hadn't found that yellow buff, now!
All in all it was one of the most satisfying episodes this season. The politics has started, and we know the source of Gary's paranoia. Now we just need to work out why Rafe was patiently pasting small leaves to Lydia's shoulders after the immunity challenge. Maybe it's a courting ritual for gay Mormon wilderness guides and there's something about Lydia we don't know...
In deference to the heat, the reward challenge didn't require even brain power, let alone muscle. Each Survivor simply had to nominate a member of their tribe as the answer to a series of questions. The first one was, "Who in your tribe is most in need of nourishment?" with Jamie from Yaxhá and walking skeleton Danni from Nakúm getting the most votes and each winning an apple. Gary and Bobby Jon each won 20 litres of fresh water, some shampoo, the use of a bush shower and considerable encouragement and instruction in its use from their "friends" as a "reward" for being voted the smelliest.
The next question, "Who are the man and woman most deserving of a picnic on top of an Mayan pyramid?" had a fairly predictable prize but a completely unpredictable implication. With winners Gary, Amy, Margaret and Judd sent off with a basket of goodies, only the remaining Survivors voted on the next question: "Who has the most tribe pride?" The prize for Yaxhá's Brian and Nakúm's Cindy was that they got to stay in their own tribe, while everyone else had to swap. Well, not quite everyone. With five remaining Nakúm members a random draw decided who got to keep a yellow buff (Brooke) and who changed to blue (everyone else). I imagine that Danni and Brooke are both wishing they could have swapped, Danni because of the creepy excited look on Brian's face when he realised they're now in the same tribe.
Gary, of course, was far less excited at the prospect of Danni as a tribemate. Having been quizzed about being a retired pro-football quarterback during the picnic – and denying it point-blank yet again – he returned to discover he's now living with the woman who outed him and – like a superhero - he was forced to once again deny his true identity. At least we all now know why he's hiding it: Danni is annoyed that he's lying to her, but can understand that his football career will have left him very wealthy and that he's afraid the others will think he doesn't need or deserve the million dollars. He's right to worry: Amy can smell the lie and has stated outright, "If he's a multi-millionaire I'll freakin' kill him!"
If nothing else, the tribe swap has finally prompted some long-overdue politicking. Brian instantly went into campaign mode trying to win over the new members of Yaxhá, especially since the old members are now outnumbered four to three. Blake has also noticed that it's four on three , so during a toilet break with Bobby Jon (maybe they decided this camp will smell of wee instead of vomit like their last one) he outlined his master plan to keep the two of them plus Danni and Brandon and get rid of Amy, Brian and Gary: "We win every competition and we wipe them out. Then we figure out between the four of us." It seems to have escaped them that you only get to vote people out if you lose immunity challenges. The pair of young Einsteins both agreed to the plan and shook on it, and with neither having washed his hands there was presumably no need to spit in their palms to exchange bodily fluids to seal the pledge.
For this week's immunity challenge the teams had to row out into the lake and retrieve three bags of Mayan-style timber war clubs, then row back to shore and throw the clubs to break three tiles faster than the other team. A mid-race collision of Bathurst proportions saw Nakúm push their competitors well off course and win a handy lead in the race back to shore, but Yaxhá managed to catch up when Judd wouldn't tag out and let someone else have a go at the fun throwing bit. In the end Brandon sealed it for the new Yaxhá and confirmed everyone's suspicion that Stephanie is the source of the bad luck for her team, not just a victim of it. According to Jeff she's now lost 81% of the Survivor challenges she's ever attempted.
Everyone at Nakúm – including Judd – quickly figured out that Judd was the potential swing voter but it was interesting how the different sides approached him. Stephanie and Jamie appealed to his strength and blokiness. Margaret used math and logic to try and retain his loyalty to herself, Brooke and Cindy. Needless to say the latter approach bounced off him, and Brooke was voted out 5-3 in the first tribal council at which all the votes have had to be read out. She must really be wishing she hadn't found that yellow buff, now!
All in all it was one of the most satisfying episodes this season. The politics has started, and we know the source of Gary's paranoia. Now we just need to work out why Rafe was patiently pasting small leaves to Lydia's shoulders after the immunity challenge. Maybe it's a courting ritual for gay Mormon wilderness guides and there's something about Lydia we don't know...
Monday, October 03, 2005
Survivor Guatemala: week 3
Something I'm yet to work out is why Nakúm were led to believe that they got "the best campsite" as a reward for winning the 11 mile hike in the first week. It doesn't seem to have any more natural shelter, access to clean water, food or firewood than the other site, and now it smells of vomit. It also has noisy neighbours, including a howler monkey who, according to Cindy the zookeeper, has been separated from his family and is crying all night because he is sad. In a piece of magnificent editing we had Judd complaining that he can't sleep because of the noise, interspersed with footage of said sad monkey and shots of Judd trying to break a stick by throwing it at a rock. Hmm, I wonder which one lives in the branch of the evolutionary tree furthest from the rest of us?
At Yaxhá, Lydia is working her heart out to keep her place in the tribe, and having excruciatingly polite conversations with Brianna about the weather to cover the fact they can't stand each other. Brian, on the other hand, seems very much in love with himself and his successful manipulation of the previous night's vote. It's slightly disturbing that he doesn’t care who gets voted off as long as he's pulling the strings, but should make for some pretty fireworks later on when the others clue in.
With the standard "C'mon in guys" Jeff explained that archaeologists have been excavating the Mayan ruins, which was the tenuous link to the task before the tribes of building an archaeologist's 'tent'. It was basically just a tarp held up with poles and ropes, and nothing like the sets on Raiders of the Lost Ark. The challenging part was that the pieces were scattered around the site, and the Survivors from each tribe were blindfolded and tied together in groups with one set of eyes from each tribe calling out instructions. It's a challenge that seems to have been done in one form or another in every series to date, but is always good for a laugh because it usually involves blindfolded people falling over and being hit in the head.
Gary's quarterbacking skills of yelling out orders to the rest of his team shone through and Yaxhá quickly had all the pieces together and were first to start assembling. Nakúm caught up once they were no longer relying on Brooke to know her left from her right, and managed to finish first and win the reward of pillows, blankets, ropes and a large tarpaulin.
The best bit, as usual, was the unexpected tensions brought about by the prize and the intra-tribe negotiations on what to do with it. After a nap, the boys from Nakúm set about improving their shelter. Bobby Jon, Brandon, Blake and Judd are treating the game like a big boys' fishing trip and wanted to have fun. Margaret wanted to do something useful with the tarp and ropes, which was a big downer for the boys and, like, totally killed the buzz man. Brooke, Cindy and Danni cleverly made themselves scarce and offered no advice to a group of men who probably all agreed with Judd's comment, "Nobody tells me what to do except my boss and my wife."
Continuing on the fishing theme, the boys next decided to make themselves crocodile bait by going for a swim to beat the 45 degree heat. Cindy wasn't going anywhere near the water, which should have been a hint to the rest of them, but as Brandon eloquently put it, "The brave may not live long, but the cautious don't live at all." He's a bit of a redneck poet that one, and I'm hoping he stays around for a while (and not just because I've got him in the sweep).
Tree mail brought feathers, headbands and war paint, with instructions to dress up as warriors for a traditional Mayan game which turned out to be suspiciously like netball. At one point Jeff even yelled out, "Now we're doing it like the Maya did", but unless they've got video footage from 700AD I’m not sure how they know that.
The court was a large net raised off the ground with two hoops at each end and three-on-three teams drawn at random trying to put the ball through their hoop to win the round. Amy sprained her ankle early on, but was still a more useful team member than Brianna. Like netball, the player with the ball couldn't run (pay more attention to the rules, Lydia!) so if one person had the ball (ie. Stephanie) the other players (ie. Brianna) had to run to a spot to where she could throw it. In every one of her matches Brianna just stood there, within earshot but not arm's reach of the rest of Yaxhá on the sidelines hurling abuse and instructions at her. Danni scored three goals in a starring role for Nakúm, and was rewarded with possession of the immunity idol and an interestingly enthusiastic and drawn-out keen hug from Blake. Hmm, watch this space on that one!
Poor Stephanie now finds herself in the depressing Groundhog Day of being on a team of losers where one of the strongest tribemates has a twisted ankle and one of the prettiest doesn't lift a finger in challenges. Unlike Jeff and Kim from Palau, however, Brianna was voted out and Amy has passionately vowed to stay despite her injury.
One of the themes at Tribal Council was the need for athleticism in this game, but Jeff made a potentially auspicious comment to Yaxhá: "Your strategy seems clear; keep the strong and vote out the weak. But in a game this unpredictable, voting based solely on physical strength can be risky. See how it plays out." Apparently the Maya built astronomical calendars of astonishing accuracy and mastered mathematics, so I can't wait to see what the challenges are over the coming weeks…
At Yaxhá, Lydia is working her heart out to keep her place in the tribe, and having excruciatingly polite conversations with Brianna about the weather to cover the fact they can't stand each other. Brian, on the other hand, seems very much in love with himself and his successful manipulation of the previous night's vote. It's slightly disturbing that he doesn’t care who gets voted off as long as he's pulling the strings, but should make for some pretty fireworks later on when the others clue in.
With the standard "C'mon in guys" Jeff explained that archaeologists have been excavating the Mayan ruins, which was the tenuous link to the task before the tribes of building an archaeologist's 'tent'. It was basically just a tarp held up with poles and ropes, and nothing like the sets on Raiders of the Lost Ark. The challenging part was that the pieces were scattered around the site, and the Survivors from each tribe were blindfolded and tied together in groups with one set of eyes from each tribe calling out instructions. It's a challenge that seems to have been done in one form or another in every series to date, but is always good for a laugh because it usually involves blindfolded people falling over and being hit in the head.
Gary's quarterbacking skills of yelling out orders to the rest of his team shone through and Yaxhá quickly had all the pieces together and were first to start assembling. Nakúm caught up once they were no longer relying on Brooke to know her left from her right, and managed to finish first and win the reward of pillows, blankets, ropes and a large tarpaulin.
The best bit, as usual, was the unexpected tensions brought about by the prize and the intra-tribe negotiations on what to do with it. After a nap, the boys from Nakúm set about improving their shelter. Bobby Jon, Brandon, Blake and Judd are treating the game like a big boys' fishing trip and wanted to have fun. Margaret wanted to do something useful with the tarp and ropes, which was a big downer for the boys and, like, totally killed the buzz man. Brooke, Cindy and Danni cleverly made themselves scarce and offered no advice to a group of men who probably all agreed with Judd's comment, "Nobody tells me what to do except my boss and my wife."
Continuing on the fishing theme, the boys next decided to make themselves crocodile bait by going for a swim to beat the 45 degree heat. Cindy wasn't going anywhere near the water, which should have been a hint to the rest of them, but as Brandon eloquently put it, "The brave may not live long, but the cautious don't live at all." He's a bit of a redneck poet that one, and I'm hoping he stays around for a while (and not just because I've got him in the sweep).
Tree mail brought feathers, headbands and war paint, with instructions to dress up as warriors for a traditional Mayan game which turned out to be suspiciously like netball. At one point Jeff even yelled out, "Now we're doing it like the Maya did", but unless they've got video footage from 700AD I’m not sure how they know that.
The court was a large net raised off the ground with two hoops at each end and three-on-three teams drawn at random trying to put the ball through their hoop to win the round. Amy sprained her ankle early on, but was still a more useful team member than Brianna. Like netball, the player with the ball couldn't run (pay more attention to the rules, Lydia!) so if one person had the ball (ie. Stephanie) the other players (ie. Brianna) had to run to a spot to where she could throw it. In every one of her matches Brianna just stood there, within earshot but not arm's reach of the rest of Yaxhá on the sidelines hurling abuse and instructions at her. Danni scored three goals in a starring role for Nakúm, and was rewarded with possession of the immunity idol and an interestingly enthusiastic and drawn-out keen hug from Blake. Hmm, watch this space on that one!
Poor Stephanie now finds herself in the depressing Groundhog Day of being on a team of losers where one of the strongest tribemates has a twisted ankle and one of the prettiest doesn't lift a finger in challenges. Unlike Jeff and Kim from Palau, however, Brianna was voted out and Amy has passionately vowed to stay despite her injury.
One of the themes at Tribal Council was the need for athleticism in this game, but Jeff made a potentially auspicious comment to Yaxhá: "Your strategy seems clear; keep the strong and vote out the weak. But in a game this unpredictable, voting based solely on physical strength can be risky. See how it plays out." Apparently the Maya built astronomical calendars of astonishing accuracy and mastered mathematics, so I can't wait to see what the challenges are over the coming weeks…
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