"Drop your buffs!" said Jeff.
It’s Cassandra’s lucky day
And don’t she know it!
To this day I don’t know why a circle of brightly printed lycra is called a buff, but it is in Survivor land and it shows which tribe each person belongs to. "Drop your buffs!" means you’re about to get a new one and, ergo, a new tribe. If you’re really keen they’re available for sale on the CBS website. I checked a few seasons ago and then came to my senses and resisted the urge.
This week the order to drop buffs came only minutes into the episode, before the credits had even run. To ensure an even spread - and the complete eradication of all alliances - a person from each tribe stepped forward and then had to pick someone from the other tribe, who then also had to pick someone from the opposite tribe to them. All of Anthony’s high school nightmares came true as he was the last Ravu person to be assigned to a tribe. He managed not to cry, sort of.
Lisi was the last one left not on a team, which was a smart move on everyone’s part because she’s just the most awful person out there this year. In addition to the physical resemblance to Fergie the Duchess of York, Lisi is every bit as awkward and bumbling and inappropriate. She stupidly got it into her head that she’d be going home as a result, and even seemed rather pleased by that. She was not grateful to learn she’s still in the game, and distinctly displeased to be sent to Exile Island instead. Maybe the snake will get her.
The reward challenge for the week was a very simple one. Edguardo and Earl played Rock Paper Scissors to determine who picked a random buff out of a bag held over Jeff’s head. Edguardo won RPS but lost big time by picking the buff that sent his team back to the resourceless Ravu beach. Another way to look at it was that everyone got a reward as there was a feast of fruit, cheese and crackers waiting at each camp on their return, and the challenge for the original Ravu members was eating slowly enough to prevent a huge upset to their unaccustomed digestive systems.
The new Ravu tribe is comprised entirely of blokes: Rocky, Mookie, Alex, Edguardo and Dreamz. The blokes are delighted that there’s no girls in their tribe. They think girls are nice to look at and touch and make out with, but they’re too stupid and delicate for that kind of tough environment and therefore just a distraction. It’s an attitude straight out of 1953. It’s like Survivor Kirribilli House.
I should point out that Anthony is on the same tribe. He’s a little more enlightened than the rest, which in their eyes makes him a big girl. He even described himself as a black male Cinderella. They left him behind to tend the fire and boil drinking water and other women's work, while they did manly things like fishing and poking crabs with sticks and hanging out on the beach. As much as I despite their attitudes, I might feel more kindly toward Anthony if he didn’t complain so much about it not being his fault that he’s a nerd. Make an effort, not an excuse.
Knowing it’s a numbers game, Alex and Edguardo quickly recruited Mookie to their alliance and informed Dreamz that he’s in with them whether he likes it or not. In probably his smartest move all series Dreamz kept his mouth shut and in the process managed not to say something stupid. Rocky seems to think he’s in the gang too, but he’s merely being tolerated because he’s more masculine than Anthony, which is the most important thing in Ravu these days.
By comparison, the greatest friction between old and new at Moto came from Stacey imploring Earl not to get into the king size bed while he’s dirty. Earl, Yau-Man and Michelle couldn’t believe their luck at the luxury. Boo was smart enough to recognise that his cosy alliance is now history, but stupid enough to still be bragging that if it weren’t for this twist he was guaranteed to win the million dollars. Cassandra brought Earl and Yau-Man hot coffee in china cups while they fished, and ‘allowed’ herself to be talked into joining the three former Ravus at Boo and Stacey’s expense. She’s been waiting for that chance a long time, and was patient enough not to blow it. Slowly slowly catchee monkey.
Moto won immunity yet again despite its new composition. Yau-Man was happy to win for the first time and even happier that a few days of decent food finally gave him the strength to carry the team flag. The six members of each tribe were tethered together and had to move through an obstacle course, testing each team’s ability to communicate with each other. The outcome really wasn’t a surprise, because a team of silver backs each trying to out-brawn the others and justify his own place at the top of the pack was never going to win.
Tribal Council was little more than an argument between Rocky and Anthony about whether standing up for oneself is manly or proof of poor social skills. Anthony was rational and articulate and claimed that he’d bitten his tongue so the tribe could remain cohesive and perhaps win a challenge. It was an impassioned speech. Unfortunately it was also an extremely poor tactic because it reminded all the blokes that they’re losers and they immediately voted him out.
The good news for Lisi is that she’s still in the game. The bad news is that on her return from Exile Island she replaces Anthony in the Ravu tribe with no equipment and five boys who don’t want her there. The good news is that if they continue their strategy of voting out the most feminine tribemate she’s safe for several weeks yet.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
Survivor Fiji: week 5
Confucius (Yau-Man)
Say: Love many, trust few and
Do wrong to no-one.
Confucius (the real one), Sun Tzu and Machiavelli all had influence from beyond the grave this week as the politics and strategising heats up.
Earl joined forces with Yau-Man in the hunt for the immunity idol. Well, he deliberately got everyone else out of camp so that Yau-Man had a private chance to look for it based on the new info he got last week on Exile Island; he didn't do any actual searching himself. Between Yau-Man being such a nerdy little computer boffin, and a machete not being such a great digging tool, the opportunity was wasted. It was also unclear what direct benefit Earl will receive from his effort, although I’m sure the afore-mentioned philosophers would each have plenty to say about his tactics and Yau-Man seemed grateful.
To remind us that life there is just one big party, our first look at Moto for the week was accompanied by jaunty luau music that would be perfect had this been Survivor Hawaii. Just in case we hadn’t spotted the difference between the camps yet, Earl explained the disparity using an analogy that included The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and Good Times. If there’s a future challenge based on ethnic minority television he’s got it won.
The disparity is also causing difficulties for the producers trying to come up with reward challenge prizes which will generate an enthusiastic "Yeah!" from both tribes when Jeff inevitably asks "Worth playing for?", which he has done before every reward challenge in all 14 seasons.
Tree mail brought a catalogue of prize options instead of a crappy poem (which was a reward in itself) and instructions to choose two items on the basis that the winning tribe would get both sets of goodies. Despite admitting they don’t really need any more luxuries, Moto went for toiletries and coffee. Despite some heavy-duty drooling over the chocolate cake, Ravu went for the highly practical cooking pot full of potatoes and the same set of fishing gear which Moto has now won twice.
Make that three times. The challenge was a mano a mano cross between Sumo wrestling and a pillow fight set on a platform above a mud flat. Competitors had to push each other into the mud using big cushions, with the first team to win seven bouts earning immunity. Yau-Man managed to beat Stacey, but since that was the only mixed-gender matching (and perhaps the only one where the heavier competitor lost) it was hardly worth crowing about. Actually the effort took so much out of him that he was incapable of doing much more than smile and laugh at himself for beating up on a girl.
It was to be the only bout that Ravu won, with Moto having a definite weight and strength advantage. A rematch between Rita and Cassandra presented another opportunity for Ravu since Rita simply had to sidestep and Cassy’s momentum would have sent her straight over the edge like a freight train, but Rita isn’t that smart. She wasn’t even smart enough to let go of the cushion to break her fall into the mud. Not even the second time. At least she remembered to hold her bikini top in place, although the pixelating machine wouldn't have been needed due to the mud.
Earl’s stay on Exile Island added another clue to the idol’s whereabouts, but nothing he didn’t already know. It seems like Earl wants to believe Yau-Man’s claim to have not found the idol yet but is finding it hard since the clues are so obvious. The question now is whether Yau-Man will help Earl find the idol, and who gets to keep any result of their joint effort.
At least Earl’s 24 hours on Exile Island spared him 24 hours of listening to Rita’s inane chatter. At Tribal Council she tried to justify the non-stop soliloquies as "telling little stories I think will entertain people and keep their mind off the dire situation we’re in." Hey don’t laugh, she’s right: when you’re that weak it’s hard to remember how hungry you are and at the same time quell the urge to choke someone.
Moto’s coffee fix meant they were having no trouble at all concentrating. For Lisi and Stacey this meant focussing on how best to completely ostracise the two remaining non-members of their alliance (both of whom are African American...). They teased Dreamz mercilessly for not knowing how to make coffee using a French press plunger (he thought it was instant and just added water to the spoonful of coffee in his mug then wondered why it had so many bits in it). Cassandra just got the dregs once everyone else had finished, Cinderella style. It was cruel and unnecessary, and way too high school for Alex and Edguardo’s comfort. They can see that even if Moto wins every remaining immunity challenge it will still be seven-three going into the merge, which equates to five-five if Dreamz and Cassandra change sides. After all, the enemy of my enemy is my friend and our philosopher pals would all have plenty to say about the current situation. They wouldn’t, however, have necessarily had any more luck banging the cold logic of the numbers into Boo, Lisi and Stacey’s heads than Alex and Edguardo did. Dreamz and Cassandra have done the numbers too, although in Dreamz’s dreams Moto wins all the challenges and he doesn’t get voted out before they even get to the merge. In his dreams there's also no sudden twist rearrangement of the tribes to stuff up everyone's plans and keep the ratings up.
Ravu almost did win immunity this week in a large-scale version of Kim’s game. Yau-Man got an easy one wrong, and then Lisi fell flat on her face - both literally and figuratively - in her excitement to show him up. She’s allegedly a customer service rep on a psychic phone line, which doesn’t explain why she: a) didn’t know where the correct match up was; and b) couldn’t read her tribemates’ minds when they all non-verbally told her - and then not so non-verbally moaned "NO" - as she tried to turn over the wrong match, disqualifying her in the process.
Cassandra, true to her name, did have enough psychic ability to win for Moto after Rocky missed an easy one. He accepted responsibility for the loss, but claimed that everyone else telling him what to do was really confusing and that as a tribe they all need to learn when not to speak. No Rocky, either you don’t have enough strength of character to believe in yourself or you have enough self awareness to know better than to believe in yourself. It’s not everyone else’s fault you got it wrong.
Michelle organised a quorum of people willing to vote Anthony out, but before anyone got a chance to brief the absent Rocky on the decision he’d started lobbying to get rid of Rita with apparent success if the editing is anything to go by, which it usually isn't. At Tribal Council Rita talked about talking, which provoked much eye rolling from the boys, and Yau-Man gave the basis of this week’s haiku as his personal philosophy in answer to a question from Jeff about trusting people, which Earl was fascinated by. Nobody produced the immunity idol, and Rita became the fifth woman voted out in what is by far the most misogynistic series in Survivor history.
The ad for next week features the chilling phrase "Drop your buffs!" and what looks like a reshuffle of the teams and a random draw for who gets the good camp. Didn't see that coming did we Dreamz!
Say: Love many, trust few and
Do wrong to no-one.
Confucius (the real one), Sun Tzu and Machiavelli all had influence from beyond the grave this week as the politics and strategising heats up.
Earl joined forces with Yau-Man in the hunt for the immunity idol. Well, he deliberately got everyone else out of camp so that Yau-Man had a private chance to look for it based on the new info he got last week on Exile Island; he didn't do any actual searching himself. Between Yau-Man being such a nerdy little computer boffin, and a machete not being such a great digging tool, the opportunity was wasted. It was also unclear what direct benefit Earl will receive from his effort, although I’m sure the afore-mentioned philosophers would each have plenty to say about his tactics and Yau-Man seemed grateful.
To remind us that life there is just one big party, our first look at Moto for the week was accompanied by jaunty luau music that would be perfect had this been Survivor Hawaii. Just in case we hadn’t spotted the difference between the camps yet, Earl explained the disparity using an analogy that included The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and Good Times. If there’s a future challenge based on ethnic minority television he’s got it won.
The disparity is also causing difficulties for the producers trying to come up with reward challenge prizes which will generate an enthusiastic "Yeah!" from both tribes when Jeff inevitably asks "Worth playing for?", which he has done before every reward challenge in all 14 seasons.
Tree mail brought a catalogue of prize options instead of a crappy poem (which was a reward in itself) and instructions to choose two items on the basis that the winning tribe would get both sets of goodies. Despite admitting they don’t really need any more luxuries, Moto went for toiletries and coffee. Despite some heavy-duty drooling over the chocolate cake, Ravu went for the highly practical cooking pot full of potatoes and the same set of fishing gear which Moto has now won twice.
Make that three times. The challenge was a mano a mano cross between Sumo wrestling and a pillow fight set on a platform above a mud flat. Competitors had to push each other into the mud using big cushions, with the first team to win seven bouts earning immunity. Yau-Man managed to beat Stacey, but since that was the only mixed-gender matching (and perhaps the only one where the heavier competitor lost) it was hardly worth crowing about. Actually the effort took so much out of him that he was incapable of doing much more than smile and laugh at himself for beating up on a girl.
It was to be the only bout that Ravu won, with Moto having a definite weight and strength advantage. A rematch between Rita and Cassandra presented another opportunity for Ravu since Rita simply had to sidestep and Cassy’s momentum would have sent her straight over the edge like a freight train, but Rita isn’t that smart. She wasn’t even smart enough to let go of the cushion to break her fall into the mud. Not even the second time. At least she remembered to hold her bikini top in place, although the pixelating machine wouldn't have been needed due to the mud.
Earl’s stay on Exile Island added another clue to the idol’s whereabouts, but nothing he didn’t already know. It seems like Earl wants to believe Yau-Man’s claim to have not found the idol yet but is finding it hard since the clues are so obvious. The question now is whether Yau-Man will help Earl find the idol, and who gets to keep any result of their joint effort.
At least Earl’s 24 hours on Exile Island spared him 24 hours of listening to Rita’s inane chatter. At Tribal Council she tried to justify the non-stop soliloquies as "telling little stories I think will entertain people and keep their mind off the dire situation we’re in." Hey don’t laugh, she’s right: when you’re that weak it’s hard to remember how hungry you are and at the same time quell the urge to choke someone.
Moto’s coffee fix meant they were having no trouble at all concentrating. For Lisi and Stacey this meant focussing on how best to completely ostracise the two remaining non-members of their alliance (both of whom are African American...). They teased Dreamz mercilessly for not knowing how to make coffee using a French press plunger (he thought it was instant and just added water to the spoonful of coffee in his mug then wondered why it had so many bits in it). Cassandra just got the dregs once everyone else had finished, Cinderella style. It was cruel and unnecessary, and way too high school for Alex and Edguardo’s comfort. They can see that even if Moto wins every remaining immunity challenge it will still be seven-three going into the merge, which equates to five-five if Dreamz and Cassandra change sides. After all, the enemy of my enemy is my friend and our philosopher pals would all have plenty to say about the current situation. They wouldn’t, however, have necessarily had any more luck banging the cold logic of the numbers into Boo, Lisi and Stacey’s heads than Alex and Edguardo did. Dreamz and Cassandra have done the numbers too, although in Dreamz’s dreams Moto wins all the challenges and he doesn’t get voted out before they even get to the merge. In his dreams there's also no sudden twist rearrangement of the tribes to stuff up everyone's plans and keep the ratings up.
Ravu almost did win immunity this week in a large-scale version of Kim’s game. Yau-Man got an easy one wrong, and then Lisi fell flat on her face - both literally and figuratively - in her excitement to show him up. She’s allegedly a customer service rep on a psychic phone line, which doesn’t explain why she: a) didn’t know where the correct match up was; and b) couldn’t read her tribemates’ minds when they all non-verbally told her - and then not so non-verbally moaned "NO" - as she tried to turn over the wrong match, disqualifying her in the process.
Cassandra, true to her name, did have enough psychic ability to win for Moto after Rocky missed an easy one. He accepted responsibility for the loss, but claimed that everyone else telling him what to do was really confusing and that as a tribe they all need to learn when not to speak. No Rocky, either you don’t have enough strength of character to believe in yourself or you have enough self awareness to know better than to believe in yourself. It’s not everyone else’s fault you got it wrong.
Michelle organised a quorum of people willing to vote Anthony out, but before anyone got a chance to brief the absent Rocky on the decision he’d started lobbying to get rid of Rita with apparent success if the editing is anything to go by, which it usually isn't. At Tribal Council Rita talked about talking, which provoked much eye rolling from the boys, and Yau-Man gave the basis of this week’s haiku as his personal philosophy in answer to a question from Jeff about trusting people, which Earl was fascinated by. Nobody produced the immunity idol, and Rita became the fifth woman voted out in what is by far the most misogynistic series in Survivor history.
The ad for next week features the chilling phrase "Drop your buffs!" and what looks like a reshuffle of the teams and a random draw for who gets the good camp. Didn't see that coming did we Dreamz!
Monday, June 11, 2007
Survivor Fiji: week 4
A soliloquy
Is not an excuse to talk
When no-one listens
Mark Burnett and his fellow Survivor producers seem to have some sort of magical gag over contestants because they NEVER talk to each other during the return trip from a challenge or Tribal Council. It gives the camera crew time to get set up in camp before the recriminations start, and make sure not a juicy second is missed.
This week they must have been wishing they could gag Earl even after he was back at camp. Earl wanted a calm, rational discussion to clear the air and prevent social pressures from building to the point where someone explodes. Luckily for the ratings Rocky had plenty to say in a soliloquy at Anthony that was as illogical and sexist as it was one-sided. Apparently he’s not used to dealing with people who are emotional, unless it’s a ‘broad’ (no offence to the ladies). And (no offence to Anthony) but apparently he doesn’t deserve to be there as much as Jessica and Erica, with whom Rocky did get along even though they’re both ‘broads’ and Erica was ridiculously emotional. If they deserved to still be in the tribe more than Anthony why didn’t Rocky lobby harder to keep Jessica, and why did he lobby so hard to get rid of Erica? He finished with the words "some people got it and some people don’t". Presumably the ‘it’ about which he spoke was hypocrisy.
Poor Anthony. Apparently he got picked on in the playground as child, and here someone is picking on him in front of the whole world in the manner of a child. He assures us, however, that "If they want me off this island they’re going to have to push me off!" His performance in this week’s reward challenge suggests he’ll probably fall off before they get that chance. He couldn’t stay on the balance beam, which was enough for Ravu to lose yet again and for Moto to add a king-sized bed and a spice rack to their already impressive camp facilities.
Rocky’s reaction to losing yet again (once they were back at camp and the camera crew shouted "Action") was just as irrational and spectacular as his earlier outburst promised him capable of being. He threw coconuts, shouted, blamed Anthony – which was actually justifiable this time – walked around naked for a bit and then put on one of Rita’s many bikini tops and turned up for the next challenge in drag. Bless him.
As this episode went to air in Australia, Paris Hilton was being released from prison to home detention because she was crying a lot and has a bad rash. Papa Smurf Gary was evacuated from Moto’s camp to resort detention because he wasn’t breathing a lot and has a bad rash comprised entirely of insect bites. He’s had malaria and done a tour of ‘Nam but neither was as bad as the way his broken ribs were making him feel. Lisi’s laugh couldn’t have been helping either.
The decision that Papa Smurf was too sick to return to the game must have come through after the immunity challenge was all set up and ready to go, because in previous seasons they’d have just cancelled it and Tribal Council for the week. Instead the challenge went ahead, with a nasty little twist at the end.
This one had lots of swimming and unlocking each other from bamboo cages. Moto won of course, and then found out that they could keep either immunity OR their luxury camp, but not both. They chose luxury, so Ravu got a week off from Tribal Council and Yau-Man has an extra three days to try and dig up the immunity idol following his stay on Exile Island and receipt of the fourth clue.
Andre aka Dre aka ‘Dreamz’ is Moto’s version of James aka Boston aka Rocky. His strategic approach to their first Tribal Council was to talk at his tribe mates for over half a minute, with many references to snakes but no reference to anything intelligible about what they should do. Finally he announced his solution: "There’s two people we can afford to lose and – I ain’t pointin’ no fingers – (points at Lisi) it’s Lisi (points at Cassandra) and Cassandra." Logically what he said was correct because the double negative meant he was pointing at those two, but logic doesn’t really feature much in Dreamzland.
Lisi was bemused because she seems to have a pretty solid alliance with four of the others. Cassandra was just horrified because with Papa Smurf gone she’s the next oldest person in the tribe. Alex and Edguardo both refused to vote for Lisi and said they would therefore vote for Cassandra. Liliana – who has barely said two words on camera all season but has done a lot of bedtime massages for the buff young men in her tribe –told Cassandra that she had to vote for her to stay in good with the rest and protect her own interests. Oddly enough, nobody mentioned just getting rid of Dreamz instead.
Those who actually still watch the show will be familiar with the little moments of the local wildlife going about its day that get edited in between scenes and in the return from ad breaks. Sometimes it’s a dangerous beastie like a crocodile, sometimes it’s a little cutie like a fruit bat with big puppy eyes, and sometimes it’s a creepy crawly like a big spider. This week we had a twelve second close-up (yes, I rewound and timed it) of one snake sliding forward out of another snake’s mouth. There’s conjecture in our house that it was a snake shedding its skin, but they both had eyeballs and the one doing the regurgitating had a tongue. I don’t know how the other snake got in there. I don’t know why it suddenly wanted out. I’ve watched it too many times now and I don’t want to see anything like it ever again.
Anyway, back at Moto, Lisi and Stacey tried to convince the three boys in their alliance to vote out Liliana instead of Cassandra. The boys said it didn’t make any sense since Liliana is as strong as the boys in the challenges and Cassandra is bad at everything. What they perhaps meant is that Liliana gives really good massages and Cassandra is, like, old (for the record she’s only 42, but remember this is Hollywood).
Dreamz clearly has no idea what a soliloquy is but at Tribal Council he assured Jeff that he didn’t go off on one, which Lisi had accused him of doing. Actually he assured Jeff that he didn’t go off on a "shaquilla or whatever..." Boo laughed, but I suspect that’s just because everyone else laughed. There’s no way we’ll be hearing Boo doing scenes from Hamlet any time soon to demonstrate his extensive knowledge of English Literature.
Maybe it was a done deal before Tribal Council, or maybe what convinced people how to vote was the bit where Cassandra complemented Liliana on how strong she is and how far she’ll go in the game, but was really pointing out what a threat Liliana will be if she’s allowed to stay. Either way, the massage queen is gone (it's been all girls so far) and Cassandra lives another day. Actually if Moto keep winning challenges at this rate they won’t be back at Tribal Council for a while yet and she’ll make it onto to the jury!
Is not an excuse to talk
When no-one listens
Mark Burnett and his fellow Survivor producers seem to have some sort of magical gag over contestants because they NEVER talk to each other during the return trip from a challenge or Tribal Council. It gives the camera crew time to get set up in camp before the recriminations start, and make sure not a juicy second is missed.
This week they must have been wishing they could gag Earl even after he was back at camp. Earl wanted a calm, rational discussion to clear the air and prevent social pressures from building to the point where someone explodes. Luckily for the ratings Rocky had plenty to say in a soliloquy at Anthony that was as illogical and sexist as it was one-sided. Apparently he’s not used to dealing with people who are emotional, unless it’s a ‘broad’ (no offence to the ladies). And (no offence to Anthony) but apparently he doesn’t deserve to be there as much as Jessica and Erica, with whom Rocky did get along even though they’re both ‘broads’ and Erica was ridiculously emotional. If they deserved to still be in the tribe more than Anthony why didn’t Rocky lobby harder to keep Jessica, and why did he lobby so hard to get rid of Erica? He finished with the words "some people got it and some people don’t". Presumably the ‘it’ about which he spoke was hypocrisy.
Poor Anthony. Apparently he got picked on in the playground as child, and here someone is picking on him in front of the whole world in the manner of a child. He assures us, however, that "If they want me off this island they’re going to have to push me off!" His performance in this week’s reward challenge suggests he’ll probably fall off before they get that chance. He couldn’t stay on the balance beam, which was enough for Ravu to lose yet again and for Moto to add a king-sized bed and a spice rack to their already impressive camp facilities.
Rocky’s reaction to losing yet again (once they were back at camp and the camera crew shouted "Action") was just as irrational and spectacular as his earlier outburst promised him capable of being. He threw coconuts, shouted, blamed Anthony – which was actually justifiable this time – walked around naked for a bit and then put on one of Rita’s many bikini tops and turned up for the next challenge in drag. Bless him.
As this episode went to air in Australia, Paris Hilton was being released from prison to home detention because she was crying a lot and has a bad rash. Papa Smurf Gary was evacuated from Moto’s camp to resort detention because he wasn’t breathing a lot and has a bad rash comprised entirely of insect bites. He’s had malaria and done a tour of ‘Nam but neither was as bad as the way his broken ribs were making him feel. Lisi’s laugh couldn’t have been helping either.
The decision that Papa Smurf was too sick to return to the game must have come through after the immunity challenge was all set up and ready to go, because in previous seasons they’d have just cancelled it and Tribal Council for the week. Instead the challenge went ahead, with a nasty little twist at the end.
This one had lots of swimming and unlocking each other from bamboo cages. Moto won of course, and then found out that they could keep either immunity OR their luxury camp, but not both. They chose luxury, so Ravu got a week off from Tribal Council and Yau-Man has an extra three days to try and dig up the immunity idol following his stay on Exile Island and receipt of the fourth clue.
Andre aka Dre aka ‘Dreamz’ is Moto’s version of James aka Boston aka Rocky. His strategic approach to their first Tribal Council was to talk at his tribe mates for over half a minute, with many references to snakes but no reference to anything intelligible about what they should do. Finally he announced his solution: "There’s two people we can afford to lose and – I ain’t pointin’ no fingers – (points at Lisi) it’s Lisi (points at Cassandra) and Cassandra." Logically what he said was correct because the double negative meant he was pointing at those two, but logic doesn’t really feature much in Dreamzland.
Lisi was bemused because she seems to have a pretty solid alliance with four of the others. Cassandra was just horrified because with Papa Smurf gone she’s the next oldest person in the tribe. Alex and Edguardo both refused to vote for Lisi and said they would therefore vote for Cassandra. Liliana – who has barely said two words on camera all season but has done a lot of bedtime massages for the buff young men in her tribe –told Cassandra that she had to vote for her to stay in good with the rest and protect her own interests. Oddly enough, nobody mentioned just getting rid of Dreamz instead.
Those who actually still watch the show will be familiar with the little moments of the local wildlife going about its day that get edited in between scenes and in the return from ad breaks. Sometimes it’s a dangerous beastie like a crocodile, sometimes it’s a little cutie like a fruit bat with big puppy eyes, and sometimes it’s a creepy crawly like a big spider. This week we had a twelve second close-up (yes, I rewound and timed it) of one snake sliding forward out of another snake’s mouth. There’s conjecture in our house that it was a snake shedding its skin, but they both had eyeballs and the one doing the regurgitating had a tongue. I don’t know how the other snake got in there. I don’t know why it suddenly wanted out. I’ve watched it too many times now and I don’t want to see anything like it ever again.
Anyway, back at Moto, Lisi and Stacey tried to convince the three boys in their alliance to vote out Liliana instead of Cassandra. The boys said it didn’t make any sense since Liliana is as strong as the boys in the challenges and Cassandra is bad at everything. What they perhaps meant is that Liliana gives really good massages and Cassandra is, like, old (for the record she’s only 42, but remember this is Hollywood).
Dreamz clearly has no idea what a soliloquy is but at Tribal Council he assured Jeff that he didn’t go off on one, which Lisi had accused him of doing. Actually he assured Jeff that he didn’t go off on a "shaquilla or whatever..." Boo laughed, but I suspect that’s just because everyone else laughed. There’s no way we’ll be hearing Boo doing scenes from Hamlet any time soon to demonstrate his extensive knowledge of English Literature.
Maybe it was a done deal before Tribal Council, or maybe what convinced people how to vote was the bit where Cassandra complemented Liliana on how strong she is and how far she’ll go in the game, but was really pointing out what a threat Liliana will be if she’s allowed to stay. Either way, the massage queen is gone (it's been all girls so far) and Cassandra lives another day. Actually if Moto keep winning challenges at this rate they won’t be back at Tribal Council for a while yet and she’ll make it onto to the jury!
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Survivor Fiji: week 3
Since Smurfs have blue skin,
To what colour do they change
When they cannot breathe?
James/Boston/Rocky, who is simply being credited as Rocky these days even by Jeff, started off this week by describing his tribe as "the biggest group of losers that Survivor’s ever seen". First of all, please use the correct terminology: "the biggest group of losers in Survivor history". Second, you’re wrong: that honour goes to the Ulong tribe from Survivor Palau which only had one member by the time of the ‘merge’. They managed to disintegrate through sheer lack of spirit, whereas Ravu have the quite valid excuse of no food, no water, no shelter AND no spirit.
They do have fire now, at least. The sun finally came out long and strong enough for Michelle to get one going using Yau-Man’s spectacles and some coconut husks. They were so busy celebrating their impending survival that the fire almost went out again. I’m sure Charles Darwin would have something to say about such stupidity.
By comparison, the Moto crew decided to paint the shelter floor a nice shade of duck egg blue, ostensibly to keen the ants out (what, their little legs will stick in the wet paint?) but probably because they were just bored with eating and napping. As Boo observed, it’s "thrival" more than "survival". Just remember Boo that you are camping in the tropics with multiple axe wounds, and are thus a walking candidate for septicemia.
This week we had separate reward and immunity challenges for the first time this season. The reward challenge, with a choice of prizes on offer, was a big slip’n’slide with numbered balls suspended above it and a basketball ring at the far end. Survivors went head to head to grab a particular numbered ball, with the first one to sink it in the basket at the end winning a point for their team. Did you spot the novelty? No knots to undo, no puzzle pieces to collect and no flags to raise!
Jeff did his normal thing with the commentating, but they really should have shipped in Fiona McDonald. Remember Jackie’s sister who hosted "It’s A Knockout" in the mid-eighties? Her catch-phrase was "And he’s fall-hall-hall-en over ha ha ha". There was a lot of that. There wasn’t a lot of Ravu winning. There was a lot of pixelation when Rita’s bikini top did some slipping and sliding of its own. And there wasn’t much grief when Sylvia got sent back to Exile Island for a second stint.
Moto’s Gary has been nicknamed Papa Smurf, presumably for his blue t-shirt and shorts. He took a very heavy spill on the slip’n’slide and broke at least one rib. Back at camp they had to call out the paramedics because he could hardly breathe and was getting dizzy and vague as a result. All the paramedics could do was tell him to take some aspirin and call them in the morning if it got worse, but he really seemed to be struggling. Cassandra was so worried she was in tears. Alex was also emotional, but more in the sense that someone else has shown weakness and he’s now much less likely to be the first Moto member voted off.
Of course, Moto need to lose a challenge before they vote anyone off and that didn’t happen this week. Sylvia came back from Exile Island just in time for the long overdue return of my personal favourite, the Gross Food Challenge. Last seen in Palau with the unforgettable balut, this was a more traditional Gross Food Challenge with a range of local ‘delicacies’ such as clams, peanut worms, octopus tentacles, sea cucumber, fish eyes and - for dessert - pig snouts. Ravu should have been a certainty to win since they’re desperate for both food and a victory, and Moto all looked kind of bloated after lunch.
Rocky and Mookie both won their rounds, and Anthony and Sylvia both lost theirs and were targeted for elimination in some interesting tribal politics. There was a genuine fear that Sylvia had found the idol during her most recent stay on Exile Island and would have immunity. If the vote for Sylvia was unanimous, and if she possessed and played the immunity idol, then whomever she had voted for would have the next highest number of votes and be eliminated. To prevent that from being someone in this week’s version of his alliance, Rocky arranged for a couple of people to vote for Anthony. I’m not sure whether Rita was supposed to vote for Sylvia or Anthony, but neither of those names is spelt E-A-R-L so who knows what she was doing.
Regardless, Sylvia didn’t have the immunity idol and enough of the others managed to vote correctly for her to be sent home. Anthony, however, was a bit upset by the votes he received and the ad for next week shows him with a quivering lip of which any petulant four year old would be proud. Anthony, your team might have fire and therefore drinking water now but you can’t afford to waste precious bodily fluids on tears.
To what colour do they change
When they cannot breathe?
James/Boston/Rocky, who is simply being credited as Rocky these days even by Jeff, started off this week by describing his tribe as "the biggest group of losers that Survivor’s ever seen". First of all, please use the correct terminology: "the biggest group of losers in Survivor history". Second, you’re wrong: that honour goes to the Ulong tribe from Survivor Palau which only had one member by the time of the ‘merge’. They managed to disintegrate through sheer lack of spirit, whereas Ravu have the quite valid excuse of no food, no water, no shelter AND no spirit.
They do have fire now, at least. The sun finally came out long and strong enough for Michelle to get one going using Yau-Man’s spectacles and some coconut husks. They were so busy celebrating their impending survival that the fire almost went out again. I’m sure Charles Darwin would have something to say about such stupidity.
By comparison, the Moto crew decided to paint the shelter floor a nice shade of duck egg blue, ostensibly to keen the ants out (what, their little legs will stick in the wet paint?) but probably because they were just bored with eating and napping. As Boo observed, it’s "thrival" more than "survival". Just remember Boo that you are camping in the tropics with multiple axe wounds, and are thus a walking candidate for septicemia.
This week we had separate reward and immunity challenges for the first time this season. The reward challenge, with a choice of prizes on offer, was a big slip’n’slide with numbered balls suspended above it and a basketball ring at the far end. Survivors went head to head to grab a particular numbered ball, with the first one to sink it in the basket at the end winning a point for their team. Did you spot the novelty? No knots to undo, no puzzle pieces to collect and no flags to raise!
Jeff did his normal thing with the commentating, but they really should have shipped in Fiona McDonald. Remember Jackie’s sister who hosted "It’s A Knockout" in the mid-eighties? Her catch-phrase was "And he’s fall-hall-hall-en over ha ha ha". There was a lot of that. There wasn’t a lot of Ravu winning. There was a lot of pixelation when Rita’s bikini top did some slipping and sliding of its own. And there wasn’t much grief when Sylvia got sent back to Exile Island for a second stint.
Moto’s Gary has been nicknamed Papa Smurf, presumably for his blue t-shirt and shorts. He took a very heavy spill on the slip’n’slide and broke at least one rib. Back at camp they had to call out the paramedics because he could hardly breathe and was getting dizzy and vague as a result. All the paramedics could do was tell him to take some aspirin and call them in the morning if it got worse, but he really seemed to be struggling. Cassandra was so worried she was in tears. Alex was also emotional, but more in the sense that someone else has shown weakness and he’s now much less likely to be the first Moto member voted off.
Of course, Moto need to lose a challenge before they vote anyone off and that didn’t happen this week. Sylvia came back from Exile Island just in time for the long overdue return of my personal favourite, the Gross Food Challenge. Last seen in Palau with the unforgettable balut, this was a more traditional Gross Food Challenge with a range of local ‘delicacies’ such as clams, peanut worms, octopus tentacles, sea cucumber, fish eyes and - for dessert - pig snouts. Ravu should have been a certainty to win since they’re desperate for both food and a victory, and Moto all looked kind of bloated after lunch.
Rocky and Mookie both won their rounds, and Anthony and Sylvia both lost theirs and were targeted for elimination in some interesting tribal politics. There was a genuine fear that Sylvia had found the idol during her most recent stay on Exile Island and would have immunity. If the vote for Sylvia was unanimous, and if she possessed and played the immunity idol, then whomever she had voted for would have the next highest number of votes and be eliminated. To prevent that from being someone in this week’s version of his alliance, Rocky arranged for a couple of people to vote for Anthony. I’m not sure whether Rita was supposed to vote for Sylvia or Anthony, but neither of those names is spelt E-A-R-L so who knows what she was doing.
Regardless, Sylvia didn’t have the immunity idol and enough of the others managed to vote correctly for her to be sent home. Anthony, however, was a bit upset by the votes he received and the ad for next week shows him with a quivering lip of which any petulant four year old would be proud. Anthony, your team might have fire and therefore drinking water now but you can’t afford to waste precious bodily fluids on tears.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Survivor Fiji: week 2
First, here's this week's haiku:
Be more careful, Boo!
Half a brain (times axe) equals
One eye, hand and leg.
It seems in recent years there’s been more and more instances of "the most [insert adjective and noun] in Survivor history." This week in his recap on the previous episode, Jeff referred to "the most elaborate camp in Survivor history". Another way to describe it might be "the most desperate grab for ratings in Survivor history."
We started with one of the most desperate searches for potable water in Survivor history at the Ravu camp. They won’t get flint until they win a challenge, and without fire they can’t boil water. It’s only day four and already they’re so dehydrated that they resorted to licking water drops off leaves. Anthony kindly pointed out that the palms taste best, as we cut to footage of Michelle staggering along and finally falling over from thirst and hunger.
By comparison, at Moto there was an earnest discussion on whether to eat or throw out the leftover rice, and did anyone want any more mango? Luxury, however, is no antidote to stupidity. Lisi has perhaps the most annoying laugh in Survivor history (triggered in this instance by her killing an ant with a hammer), and Boo performed the longest fart in Survivor history. One of his eyes is all red because he walked into a sign and dinted the eyeball. Alex tried to flush it out for him (lucky he’s in the camp with plenty of boiled water), but not long after being discharged from the makeshift field hospital Boo started chopping up things with an axe in what appeared to be his idea of fun. He dropped the axe right near his foot, which roused a chorus of "Boo, be careful!" from a few of the girls. This was quickly followed by a wet thud, a moan and a beautifully framed camera shot of most of the tribe looking up and wincing. In one stroke he had managed to cut his hand AND his leg. "I think I need medical attention" is perhaps the biggest understatement in Survivor history. But wait, there’s more! The hammock collapsing under him as he recuperated probably wasn’t his fault, but it was still funny. Thanks to Boo, this season will be the highest Workcover premiums in Survivor history.
Sylvia suffered a huge shock on her return from Exile Island. She received a warm welcome as she waded ashore, including three passionate hugs from Yau-Man who was actually just trying to see if the Immunity Idol was in her bag. Her complaints about how tough it is out there fell on deaf ears, but not the word ‘flint’ when she bragged about having managed to start a fire. To be fair we should remember that she was sent to Exile Island before Jeff announced that one tribe would keep the elaborate camp and the other would start with nothing, and had no idea that bringing the flint home would have perhaps guaranteed her place in the tribe more effectively than the idol.
Actually perhaps nothing can guarantee a place in a tribe. After days of – pardon the pun – fruitlessly searching their island for any kind of food, Erica stumbled across a batch of ripe, sweet, juicy pineapples and was instantly deified. The food and liquid gave Ravu hope for the upcoming challenge, which was again a combination of reward and immunity and yet again a combination of collecting puzzle pieces, undoing knots, completing the puzzle and raising a flag.
Despite their desperate physical state, Ravu were first back to the beach with all their boxes and first to start on the puzzle. It was only in the post mortem that we learned Ravu had decided at the start of the challenge who would do what, and that Erica was not assigned to puzzle solving (let’s face it; she’s not the sharpest machete in the archipelago). Despite an apparently clear designation of duties she tried to get involved, screaming – in piercing shrieks - that a particular piece should go in a particular place. She was wrong, but the effort of trying that combination once more just so she’d shut up and let them concentrate proved fatal to both Ravu’s chances of winning the challenge and to Erica’s status as Pineapple Princess.
Winning the challenge gave Moto a whole bunch of fishing equipment which they don’t need (and are probably too busy napping off a huge lunch to use anyway), plus the right to send one member of Ravu to the relative luxury of Exile Island and safety from Tribal Council. Jeff did warn Earl to watch out for the snakes, plural, but Earl seemed to feel much safer after killing just one with the machete. Perhaps Sylvia told him about the one that chased her last week and he figured once he killed it he was protected. He said he really doesn’t like killing animals, but then launched into a quote from Saving Private Ryan about how if you let one go it might come back and kill you later. He then gave us the worst Samuel L Jackson impersonation in Survivor history: "Snakes are misunderstood, but we have an understanding now."
Remember James/Boston/Rocky’s alliance last week with Jessica and Erica? He doesn’t. Erica’s meltdown at the challenge scuppered the earlier plans of voting out bossy Sylvia, with James/Boston/Rocky leading the change. Sylvia was a vocal supporter of this plan, and Michelle announced a decision to cast a protest vote for Sylvia anyway because she doesn’t like her and it wouldn’t change the outcome.
Jeff’s big announcement at Tribal Council was that the Immunity Idol will this year only get its owner through to the final five, not the final three. On top of that, if you want to play it you have to do so before any of the votes are read out, which will really shake things up a bit. Jeff asked Erica to justify her performance at the challenge, and spent a bit of time on how Sylvia is fitting in and whether she’s bossy. When asked if Sylvia is a leader, Anthony pointed out that she has a "wonderful" (his word, not mine) habit of throwing out an idea and saying "Let’s do it!" and not actually talking with anyone about doing it. Sylvia’s response was to say that she’s actually had an idea - which she hasn’t discussed with anyone yet - of assigning a leader. The argument formed a circle almost as perfect as Yau-Man’s eye roll.
Still, Sylvia will actually get the chance to raise that idea tomorrow just like she planned. Erica was voted out 2-6 in a decision that she didn’t see coming. Perhaps if she gets rid of the authentically-Fijian Afro hairdo her peripheral vision will improve.
Be more careful, Boo!
Half a brain (times axe) equals
One eye, hand and leg.
It seems in recent years there’s been more and more instances of "the most [insert adjective and noun] in Survivor history." This week in his recap on the previous episode, Jeff referred to "the most elaborate camp in Survivor history". Another way to describe it might be "the most desperate grab for ratings in Survivor history."
We started with one of the most desperate searches for potable water in Survivor history at the Ravu camp. They won’t get flint until they win a challenge, and without fire they can’t boil water. It’s only day four and already they’re so dehydrated that they resorted to licking water drops off leaves. Anthony kindly pointed out that the palms taste best, as we cut to footage of Michelle staggering along and finally falling over from thirst and hunger.
By comparison, at Moto there was an earnest discussion on whether to eat or throw out the leftover rice, and did anyone want any more mango? Luxury, however, is no antidote to stupidity. Lisi has perhaps the most annoying laugh in Survivor history (triggered in this instance by her killing an ant with a hammer), and Boo performed the longest fart in Survivor history. One of his eyes is all red because he walked into a sign and dinted the eyeball. Alex tried to flush it out for him (lucky he’s in the camp with plenty of boiled water), but not long after being discharged from the makeshift field hospital Boo started chopping up things with an axe in what appeared to be his idea of fun. He dropped the axe right near his foot, which roused a chorus of "Boo, be careful!" from a few of the girls. This was quickly followed by a wet thud, a moan and a beautifully framed camera shot of most of the tribe looking up and wincing. In one stroke he had managed to cut his hand AND his leg. "I think I need medical attention" is perhaps the biggest understatement in Survivor history. But wait, there’s more! The hammock collapsing under him as he recuperated probably wasn’t his fault, but it was still funny. Thanks to Boo, this season will be the highest Workcover premiums in Survivor history.
Sylvia suffered a huge shock on her return from Exile Island. She received a warm welcome as she waded ashore, including three passionate hugs from Yau-Man who was actually just trying to see if the Immunity Idol was in her bag. Her complaints about how tough it is out there fell on deaf ears, but not the word ‘flint’ when she bragged about having managed to start a fire. To be fair we should remember that she was sent to Exile Island before Jeff announced that one tribe would keep the elaborate camp and the other would start with nothing, and had no idea that bringing the flint home would have perhaps guaranteed her place in the tribe more effectively than the idol.
Actually perhaps nothing can guarantee a place in a tribe. After days of – pardon the pun – fruitlessly searching their island for any kind of food, Erica stumbled across a batch of ripe, sweet, juicy pineapples and was instantly deified. The food and liquid gave Ravu hope for the upcoming challenge, which was again a combination of reward and immunity and yet again a combination of collecting puzzle pieces, undoing knots, completing the puzzle and raising a flag.
Despite their desperate physical state, Ravu were first back to the beach with all their boxes and first to start on the puzzle. It was only in the post mortem that we learned Ravu had decided at the start of the challenge who would do what, and that Erica was not assigned to puzzle solving (let’s face it; she’s not the sharpest machete in the archipelago). Despite an apparently clear designation of duties she tried to get involved, screaming – in piercing shrieks - that a particular piece should go in a particular place. She was wrong, but the effort of trying that combination once more just so she’d shut up and let them concentrate proved fatal to both Ravu’s chances of winning the challenge and to Erica’s status as Pineapple Princess.
Winning the challenge gave Moto a whole bunch of fishing equipment which they don’t need (and are probably too busy napping off a huge lunch to use anyway), plus the right to send one member of Ravu to the relative luxury of Exile Island and safety from Tribal Council. Jeff did warn Earl to watch out for the snakes, plural, but Earl seemed to feel much safer after killing just one with the machete. Perhaps Sylvia told him about the one that chased her last week and he figured once he killed it he was protected. He said he really doesn’t like killing animals, but then launched into a quote from Saving Private Ryan about how if you let one go it might come back and kill you later. He then gave us the worst Samuel L Jackson impersonation in Survivor history: "Snakes are misunderstood, but we have an understanding now."
Remember James/Boston/Rocky’s alliance last week with Jessica and Erica? He doesn’t. Erica’s meltdown at the challenge scuppered the earlier plans of voting out bossy Sylvia, with James/Boston/Rocky leading the change. Sylvia was a vocal supporter of this plan, and Michelle announced a decision to cast a protest vote for Sylvia anyway because she doesn’t like her and it wouldn’t change the outcome.
Jeff’s big announcement at Tribal Council was that the Immunity Idol will this year only get its owner through to the final five, not the final three. On top of that, if you want to play it you have to do so before any of the votes are read out, which will really shake things up a bit. Jeff asked Erica to justify her performance at the challenge, and spent a bit of time on how Sylvia is fitting in and whether she’s bossy. When asked if Sylvia is a leader, Anthony pointed out that she has a "wonderful" (his word, not mine) habit of throwing out an idea and saying "Let’s do it!" and not actually talking with anyone about doing it. Sylvia’s response was to say that she’s actually had an idea - which she hasn’t discussed with anyone yet - of assigning a leader. The argument formed a circle almost as perfect as Yau-Man’s eye roll.
Still, Sylvia will actually get the chance to raise that idea tomorrow just like she planned. Erica was voted out 2-6 in a decision that she didn’t see coming. Perhaps if she gets rid of the authentically-Fijian Afro hairdo her peripheral vision will improve.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Survivor Fiji: week 1
Here is a Haiku to celebrate the long overdue debut of Survivor Fiji on Australian television:
Survivor's back – yay!
No warning from Eddie – boo!
Someone should bone him.
This year we’re in Fiji: east of Vanuatu, west of the Cook Islands and south of Palau. It kicked off with the usual spiel about the remoteness of the islands, and how fear of the unknown was so strong that one Survivor quit "just moments before being set adrift". Um, I don’t know about "just moments"; Melissa quit the day before filming started, and in enough time for the producers to work out a solution to suddenly having 19 people instead of an even 20. It’s OK Jeff, I’ll allow you a little poetic licence because I’ve missed you. Please just remember that ‘poetic licence’ is a figure of speech, not an authorisation to write tree mail.
Much like last year it’s a pretty even mix of ages, races and people who have clearly never watched the show before. Case in point; everyone who filled their water canteen straight from the well, about an hour before the instructions arrived telling them not to drink it without boiling it first.
There’s plenty of others who have most definitely watched the show before. They were the ones who were really suspicious about being provided with blue prints, building materials and detailed site plans to build a shelter, kitchen and out-house complete with toilet seat. Oh, and flint as well as machetes and pots. Yep, something is most definitely askew.
Hang on, we have to stop and define ‘askew’ for James since he asked so nicely to have the big words explained to him. (James is also known as Boston for his tattoo, and Rocky for his resemblance to Sylvester Stallone in both his physique and his enunciation). Sylvia is a qualified architect, which made the project management side of building the shelter a whole lot easier. She cleared everything up for him by explaining that ‘askew’ is an architectural term meaning ‘not orthogonal’.
Despite the unprecedented beginning and all 19 Survivors working together, they still didn’t have the main shelter finished by the end of the first night. John Howard wants us to pray for rain to break the drought, but perhaps we should just ask producer Mark Burnett. Every series of Survivor has had a massive rain storm on the first night - before the shelter is built - so that everyone gets wet and miserable, and this series continued that proud and totally entertaining tradition.
There’s also always someone annoying who just can’t shut up and keeps everyone awake. This year it’s Dre, whose real name is Andre but he prefers to be called ‘Dreamz’. Apparently he grew up poor and homeless, "living out the back of a suitcase". His profession is listed as 'Cheerleading Coach'. He’s also a reverse racist, asking all the white folk to put their hands up during one phase of his inarticulate ranting. Since it was too dark to see without night-vision equipment I’m not sure what that achieved, other than letting the camera catch the looks of utter horror on the faces of Earl and Cassandra, who share his race but not his lack of social skills.
Having 19 people squeezed into that shelter was a bit too cosy, so the next morning at the first challenge Jeff kindly split them into two tribes. Actually he asked whether anyone had emerged as a natural leader, and when everyone nominated Sylvia the architect he made her separate the teams. He then sent her off to Exile Island while the new Moto and Ravu tribes competed in a pretty standard race: collect puzzle pieces in bags, solve puzzle, find knife, cut rope, raise flag, celebrate.
The winners got to go home to the amazing camp, which in their absence had been further kitted out with bone china, cutlery, hammocks and a couch. The losers got sent to a new beach with just a machete and a pot, not even flint. And they had to go to Tribal Council that night and vote someone out.
The real loser, however, was Sylvia. Exile Island is allegedly inhabited by thousands of sea snakes, although from the editing I think we’re supposed to believe it was the same snake that followed her out of the water, across the beach, 400 metres across the island and up a hill to the lookout post.
The snake was the bad news. The ‘good’ news was allegedly that:
a) she’s immune from being voted out at tribal council that night;
b) she’s still in the game because she replaces the person who does get voted out; and
c) she gets a clue to the location of the hidden immunity idol.
If that’s the good news then Jeff needs to take some vocabulary lessons with James/Boston/Rocky because she rejoins the losing team on the dud beach, and the ‘clue’ read (warning: crappy Exile Island ‘poem’) "Here you won’t find the idol you crave. Search back at your camp if you hope to be saved."
Even worse, the tribe she joins is comprised mainly of idiots. James/Boston/Rocky forms an alliance with Princess Jessica, and later adds Erica who is the walking definition of ‘glass half empty’. They decide to vote for Rita. Rita finds out and reminds everyone else that it was Jessica’s inability to solve the puzzle which lost them the challenge. James/Boston/Rocky makes Jessica promise to tell him if she hears that he’s at risk of being voted out. She’s not smart enough to extract a reciprocal promise from him. James/Boston/Rocky finds out that the rest of the tribe is planning to vote out Jessica. He says nothing to her. Jeff counts the votes. It’s six for Jessica, and one each for Mookie, Rita and Yau-Man.
The really sad thing? As the credits roll we see that the three odd votes out came from the James/Boston/Rocky/Jessica/Erica alliance. They couldn’t even manage to vote the same way!
The only thing we really saw of Boo (aka Kenward; I’d probably change my name to something less stupid like Boo, too) this week is that he can spell his own name, and from the ad for next week it looks like he's incapable of much more than that.
No warning from Eddie – boo!
Someone should bone him.
This year we’re in Fiji: east of Vanuatu, west of the Cook Islands and south of Palau. It kicked off with the usual spiel about the remoteness of the islands, and how fear of the unknown was so strong that one Survivor quit "just moments before being set adrift". Um, I don’t know about "just moments"; Melissa quit the day before filming started, and in enough time for the producers to work out a solution to suddenly having 19 people instead of an even 20. It’s OK Jeff, I’ll allow you a little poetic licence because I’ve missed you. Please just remember that ‘poetic licence’ is a figure of speech, not an authorisation to write tree mail.
Much like last year it’s a pretty even mix of ages, races and people who have clearly never watched the show before. Case in point; everyone who filled their water canteen straight from the well, about an hour before the instructions arrived telling them not to drink it without boiling it first.
There’s plenty of others who have most definitely watched the show before. They were the ones who were really suspicious about being provided with blue prints, building materials and detailed site plans to build a shelter, kitchen and out-house complete with toilet seat. Oh, and flint as well as machetes and pots. Yep, something is most definitely askew.
Hang on, we have to stop and define ‘askew’ for James since he asked so nicely to have the big words explained to him. (James is also known as Boston for his tattoo, and Rocky for his resemblance to Sylvester Stallone in both his physique and his enunciation). Sylvia is a qualified architect, which made the project management side of building the shelter a whole lot easier. She cleared everything up for him by explaining that ‘askew’ is an architectural term meaning ‘not orthogonal’.
Despite the unprecedented beginning and all 19 Survivors working together, they still didn’t have the main shelter finished by the end of the first night. John Howard wants us to pray for rain to break the drought, but perhaps we should just ask producer Mark Burnett. Every series of Survivor has had a massive rain storm on the first night - before the shelter is built - so that everyone gets wet and miserable, and this series continued that proud and totally entertaining tradition.
There’s also always someone annoying who just can’t shut up and keeps everyone awake. This year it’s Dre, whose real name is Andre but he prefers to be called ‘Dreamz’. Apparently he grew up poor and homeless, "living out the back of a suitcase". His profession is listed as 'Cheerleading Coach'. He’s also a reverse racist, asking all the white folk to put their hands up during one phase of his inarticulate ranting. Since it was too dark to see without night-vision equipment I’m not sure what that achieved, other than letting the camera catch the looks of utter horror on the faces of Earl and Cassandra, who share his race but not his lack of social skills.
Having 19 people squeezed into that shelter was a bit too cosy, so the next morning at the first challenge Jeff kindly split them into two tribes. Actually he asked whether anyone had emerged as a natural leader, and when everyone nominated Sylvia the architect he made her separate the teams. He then sent her off to Exile Island while the new Moto and Ravu tribes competed in a pretty standard race: collect puzzle pieces in bags, solve puzzle, find knife, cut rope, raise flag, celebrate.
The winners got to go home to the amazing camp, which in their absence had been further kitted out with bone china, cutlery, hammocks and a couch. The losers got sent to a new beach with just a machete and a pot, not even flint. And they had to go to Tribal Council that night and vote someone out.
The real loser, however, was Sylvia. Exile Island is allegedly inhabited by thousands of sea snakes, although from the editing I think we’re supposed to believe it was the same snake that followed her out of the water, across the beach, 400 metres across the island and up a hill to the lookout post.
The snake was the bad news. The ‘good’ news was allegedly that:
a) she’s immune from being voted out at tribal council that night;
b) she’s still in the game because she replaces the person who does get voted out; and
c) she gets a clue to the location of the hidden immunity idol.
If that’s the good news then Jeff needs to take some vocabulary lessons with James/Boston/Rocky because she rejoins the losing team on the dud beach, and the ‘clue’ read (warning: crappy Exile Island ‘poem’) "Here you won’t find the idol you crave. Search back at your camp if you hope to be saved."
Even worse, the tribe she joins is comprised mainly of idiots. James/Boston/Rocky forms an alliance with Princess Jessica, and later adds Erica who is the walking definition of ‘glass half empty’. They decide to vote for Rita. Rita finds out and reminds everyone else that it was Jessica’s inability to solve the puzzle which lost them the challenge. James/Boston/Rocky makes Jessica promise to tell him if she hears that he’s at risk of being voted out. She’s not smart enough to extract a reciprocal promise from him. James/Boston/Rocky finds out that the rest of the tribe is planning to vote out Jessica. He says nothing to her. Jeff counts the votes. It’s six for Jessica, and one each for Mookie, Rita and Yau-Man.
The really sad thing? As the credits roll we see that the three odd votes out came from the James/Boston/Rocky/Jessica/Erica alliance. They couldn’t even manage to vote the same way!
The only thing we really saw of Boo (aka Kenward; I’d probably change my name to something less stupid like Boo, too) this week is that he can spell his own name, and from the ad for next week it looks like he's incapable of much more than that.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Survivor Fiji: update!
So I finally cracked and rang Channel Nine to ask whether they will be showing Survivor Fiji, and was told "yeah, around late March"!
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Survivor Fiji: Pre-season Form Guide
Once again, Survivor will be starting in America LOOOONG before it starts in Australia. Thanks for that, Eddie. Humphry B. Bear's publicist managed to magically get his contract extended with a well placed leak to The Age, so maybe I should try and do the same to get Survivor back on Channel Nine before it's too late to avoid internet leaks.
In the meantime, however, here's this season's Form Guide full of snap judgements about people I've never met, based on some dodgy stereotypes about their jobs, ages, and favourite things. Remember, they provided the info; I’m just interpreting it.
Alex: 28 - Attorney
Made it to Harvard on a scholarship, only to discover he doesn’t like law after all. Will over think and under perform.
Anthony: 32 - Expert Witness Locater
Made it to Yale on a scholarship but won’t admit it. Solid people skills so will do well. My early pick for this season’s winner.
Boo: 34 - Construction Worker
Real name is Kenward. Thinks he: a) has sex appeal; b) is Huckleberry Finn; and c) is a ‘cerebral athlete’. Wrong on all counts.
Cassandra: 42 - Civil Engineer Manager
In God she trusts, which is smarter than trusting Boo. This season’s Cirie, and could do just as well.
Dre: 25 - Cheerleading Coach
Finishes every second sentence with ‘You know what I’m sayin’?" Will get voted out early for being intolerably perky.
Earl: 35 - Advertising Executive
Is treating a few weeks without his laptop and mobile as a ‘right of passage’. Is way too serious to be as witty as he thinks he is.
Edgardo: 28 - Advertising Executive
Thinks the other guys will feel threatened by the effect his sex appeal will have on the women. Wrong on both counts.
Erica: 27 - Non-profit Fundraiser
Certainly has the hair for Fiji. Describes herself as both subtle and confrontational; huh? Will go early for making a crucial error.
Gary: 55 - School Bus Driver
A school bud driver who hasn't been institutionalised shouldn’t have any trouble keeping those youngsters in check. Definite jury potential.
James: 28 - Bartender
Has a ‘Boston’ tattoo like Shane, and is just as creepy. Quote: "I’m not putting a lot of thought into this." Um, yeah.
Jessica: 27 - Fashion Stylist
Is flighty and girly and obsessed with her own looks. Will beg to be voted out after her first contact with an insect, ie. day 2
Liliana: 25 - Loan Officer
Ex Marine Corp with five siblings, so won’t have any trouble on the social aspect. Will stay under the radar and could do well.
Lisi: 36 - Customer Service Rep
Is a CSR for a ‘psychic service company’ and once had a ‘hit’ in France with her ‘underground electro punk noise’.
Melissa: 28 - Talent Manager
Quit the night before filming started after suffering multiple panic attacks. Not all that surprising given her No. 1 fear is "being unable to get out".
Michelle: 23 - Student
Talks just like Bindi Irwin, which would be cuter if she were also 8 years old. Enjoys ‘things that are green’ and ‘pirates’. I'm not making this up.
Mookie: 25 - Loan Manager
Wants to get away from materialistic things like television, but extends credit to others to buy that stuff. Kooky.
Rita: 38 - Single Mom
Former Miss Venezuela entrant who now coaches for kiddy beauty pageants and believes there’s no such thing as ‘too sexy’. Eww!
Stacey: 27 - Interactive Internet Producer
Is most annoyed by people who are lazy and complain a lot. Wow, is this the wrong place for you to be!
Sylvia: 52 - Architect
Looks very smart on paper, backed up by learning to swim BEFORE arriving in Fiji. Early exit for being ‘too old’.
Yau-Man: 54 - Computer Engineer
Such a geek (self confessed – repeatedly) that he describes himself not as ‘old’ but ‘on the outer fringe of the bell curve’.
In the meantime, however, here's this season's Form Guide full of snap judgements about people I've never met, based on some dodgy stereotypes about their jobs, ages, and favourite things. Remember, they provided the info; I’m just interpreting it.
Alex: 28 - Attorney
Made it to Harvard on a scholarship, only to discover he doesn’t like law after all. Will over think and under perform.
Anthony: 32 - Expert Witness Locater
Made it to Yale on a scholarship but won’t admit it. Solid people skills so will do well. My early pick for this season’s winner.
Boo: 34 - Construction Worker
Real name is Kenward. Thinks he: a) has sex appeal; b) is Huckleberry Finn; and c) is a ‘cerebral athlete’. Wrong on all counts.
Cassandra: 42 - Civil Engineer Manager
In God she trusts, which is smarter than trusting Boo. This season’s Cirie, and could do just as well.
Dre: 25 - Cheerleading Coach
Finishes every second sentence with ‘You know what I’m sayin’?" Will get voted out early for being intolerably perky.
Earl: 35 - Advertising Executive
Is treating a few weeks without his laptop and mobile as a ‘right of passage’. Is way too serious to be as witty as he thinks he is.
Edgardo: 28 - Advertising Executive
Thinks the other guys will feel threatened by the effect his sex appeal will have on the women. Wrong on both counts.
Erica: 27 - Non-profit Fundraiser
Certainly has the hair for Fiji. Describes herself as both subtle and confrontational; huh? Will go early for making a crucial error.
Gary: 55 - School Bus Driver
A school bud driver who hasn't been institutionalised shouldn’t have any trouble keeping those youngsters in check. Definite jury potential.
James: 28 - Bartender
Has a ‘Boston’ tattoo like Shane, and is just as creepy. Quote: "I’m not putting a lot of thought into this." Um, yeah.
Jessica: 27 - Fashion Stylist
Is flighty and girly and obsessed with her own looks. Will beg to be voted out after her first contact with an insect, ie. day 2
Liliana: 25 - Loan Officer
Ex Marine Corp with five siblings, so won’t have any trouble on the social aspect. Will stay under the radar and could do well.
Lisi: 36 - Customer Service Rep
Is a CSR for a ‘psychic service company’ and once had a ‘hit’ in France with her ‘underground electro punk noise’.
Melissa: 28 - Talent Manager
Quit the night before filming started after suffering multiple panic attacks. Not all that surprising given her No. 1 fear is "being unable to get out".
Michelle: 23 - Student
Talks just like Bindi Irwin, which would be cuter if she were also 8 years old. Enjoys ‘things that are green’ and ‘pirates’. I'm not making this up.
Mookie: 25 - Loan Manager
Wants to get away from materialistic things like television, but extends credit to others to buy that stuff. Kooky.
Rita: 38 - Single Mom
Former Miss Venezuela entrant who now coaches for kiddy beauty pageants and believes there’s no such thing as ‘too sexy’. Eww!
Stacey: 27 - Interactive Internet Producer
Is most annoyed by people who are lazy and complain a lot. Wow, is this the wrong place for you to be!
Sylvia: 52 - Architect
Looks very smart on paper, backed up by learning to swim BEFORE arriving in Fiji. Early exit for being ‘too old’.
Yau-Man: 54 - Computer Engineer
Such a geek (self confessed – repeatedly) that he describes himself not as ‘old’ but ‘on the outer fringe of the bell curve’.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Survivor Cook Islands: Finale
And so Survivor is over for another season.
We started with a recap of the entire series so far and a reminder of who flirted with whom as early preparation for the reunion special. Speaking of Candice and Parvati, Adam spent a cold and lonely night alone in the shelter, sleeping by himself for probably the first time in 37 days.
The Immunity Challenge involved the usual gig of collecting bags of timber puzzle pieces, which were tied up at the ends of various rope courses. Ozzy started with the hardest course first, so while he was the last to return with his first bag (giving Yul and Adam some hope of finally beating him) his incredible grace and athleticism saw him easily catch up and be the first to have all the bags.
Jeff had warned at the beginning that it was "the hardest puzzle ever in Survivor history!" It was a four-layer compass map that only fitted together correctly one way. If you’ve ever picked up a timber cube on someone’s coffee table and said to yourself "Oh, this looks easy" you’ll know the sort of puzzle I mean. (You probably also remember the look on your host’s face as you pulled it apart, which gave you an idea of how many hours it takes them to solve it every time a guest does that.)
Adam looked like he had a chance at one point, but yet again Ozzy got the immunity necklace back. He and his friends immediately started celebrating the fact that the underdog Aitu tribe had made it to the final four, hours before it was officially confirmed by Adam being voted out. That was actually a bit rude, but hey it was only Adam.
Despite the predictable outcome it was an interesting Tribal Council. Nate limped into the jury box on crutches – which was never explained – and Adam accused both Sundra and Becky of being boring – which didn’t need to be explained because it’s true.
Something that nobody will ever be able to explain to me is why our all-minority, mutiny-surviving final four were so excited about doing the "Rite of Passage". In case you’ve managed to repress the memory, this is where we get a little montage of each voted-out Survivor and a quote from them about their experience of the game, while the remaining players collect all the torches and then burn them. We already had the recap at the start of the episode; we don’t need another! If the producers want a twist how about getting rid of that bit?
Immediately following this touching celebration of failure, the four remaining Survivors went direct to the ‘final’ immunity challenge, which only made sense after Jeff explained that this year three people instead of only two would be in the running for the million dollars.
As in previous series it was a test of "who can hold their balance longest on a gradually shrinking foothold?" Becky went out first, with Yul a surprise exit next and Sundra a shock finalist, still hanging on next to Ozzy – who nearly fell but somehow recovered half a dozen times - at the 2 hour 30 minute mark.
The final elimination Tribal Council was a mixture of dignity and humiliation. Ozzy of course had won immunity but refused to decide who out of Becky and Sundra to vote out. His suggestion of an arranged tie-vote, with the subsequent fire starting challenge to decide a winner, was accepted by everyone involved, even by Becky who’d been offered the individual immunity idol by Yul but rejected it on the grounds that she wanted to win fair and square. So far so good: everyone knows that being able to make fire with flint and machete is a core Survivor skill, one which can be practised at home. Should be a doddle. Should be an exciting outcome.
Becky and Sundra take their places, flint in hand, with the jury on the edge of its seats. Here’s where the producers went wrong: instead of lighting a fire to burn a rope and raise a flag they had to burn a rope and ring a bell. The novelty put both girls off their game. Suspense background music changed to comedy background music as the words "30 minutes" came up on screen to explain why everyone was yawning. By the one hour mark, with still not even the suggestion of a flame, Ozzy and Yul both looked mortified and Jeff looked simply furious as he finally snapped "STOP! We’re switching to matches!"
The horror didn’t end there. Sundra got a flame going, then let it go out, then ran out of matches. Luckily for everyone (except perhaps Bryant and May shareholders) Becky finally got a decent fire going and put everyone out of their misery.
The changed up final-three format had a few implications. It meant an odd number of jurors (not the 10 we’d earlier feared), but still had the potential for a tied 3-3-3 or 1-4-4 vote. It means there’s no cursed car challenge this year. And Phil didn’t get to do his routine where the person with immunity chooses who they’ll take through, and he says with a wry little smile "I’ll go tally the vote." I always love that bit!
It also had me looking at my watch and wondering how they’d get through nine jurors asking three questions each instead of seven jurors only having two finalists to grill. The answer was simply that Nate, who went first, asked Becky why she deserved the million dollars and she couldn’t give an answer to match Yul’s puppet mastery and Ozzy’s physical dominance. After that nobody even bothered asking her any more questions, confirming that the previous night’s fire starting debacle had blown her chances even more than the perception that she’d been riding Yul’s coat tails the whole way.
The rest of the questions illuminated as much about the person asking them as the person answering. Nate waived his wrists around and used lots of words like ‘brother’ and ‘respect’. Jenny made up a new word; ‘strategical’. Rebecca managed to provoke responses about depictions of minority stereotypes on prime-time TV. Adam forced the boys to trash talk each other, and Candice forced Yul (who, remember, is a management consultant) to give a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ answer without any further explanation. It was a struggle, but he eventually managed it.
Brad pointed out that he doesn’t know Ozzy at all and tried to correct that by asking Ozzy to describe his most challenging life experience. In a real shock, Ozzy broke down in tears talking about his non-existent relationship with his birth father, although technically he didn’t answer the second part of the question about "and how you dealt with it". And Jonathan, naturally, snatched the dying seconds of his 15 minutes to accuse everyone being untrustworthy and arrogant. Yawn.
And so onto Los Angeles for the winner announcement and the reunion. Jeff started by describing it as one of the most enjoyable out of 13 seasons so far. By the time Yul and Ozzy had four votes each it was clear that Becky wasn’t getting any. Everyone knows that Jeff has already seen the votes before he reads them out, so he was teasing when he claimed that the final vote might be for Becky and might cause a tie. It wasn’t of course, so he declared her officially in third place before reading out the final vote for… YUL!
While everyone hugged and cheered, Jeff slipped off to change into the same natty duck-egg blue v-neck sweater he wore to last year’s reunion. Yul got more opportunities to be modest and self-effacing. Ozzy confessed that Robinson Crusoe is one of his favourite childhood books, which simultaneously explained why he looked to be living his ultimate fantasy while he was on the island, and like he’d pee his pants in front of the TV cameras and all those people. The goatee he’d grown during the series really gave him the look of a Spanish Conquistador, but clean-shaven at the reunion he looked more like a scared little boy. It was a bit sad, as was his own choice of v-neck sweater.
Jonathan got to mouth off some more, and Sekou followed a tradition started by Wanda in Palau of the person who composes a special Survivor song being the first one voted off; the difference was that Sekou didn’t unveil his song until the reunion, and got to play it with the band.
Candice tried to justify her romance with Adam, while he answered the question about their current status by starting with the words "You know, Candice is a great girl…" which absolutely confirmed that they’re no longer together and he had no intention of continuing the ‘relationship’ once she’d finished her usefulness. Nate got grilled about his interactions with Parvati and first denied but then admitted that he’d fallen for her flirting, which was uncomfortable for everyone except Parvati, who seemed to enjoy the attention.
Billy, by comparison, came out the reunion looking pretty good by explaining that his declaration of love for Candice had been a combination of heat-of-the-moment and trying to pretend he didn’t need the tribemates who’d thrown a challenge so they could get rid of him. Whether it’s true or not, he was able to laugh at himself, and well all love that. Ooops, I probably shouldn’t say "We love you" so loosely. Billy, if you’re reading this please know that I’m very happily married and I meant "love" in a totally platonic sense.
Ozzy won a car (sorry, a Mercury Mariner) in an on-line vote for who played the smartest game, beating Yul by less than 1% of the vote and proving that the car curse still applies even if you don’t know about it.
Finally, and most importantly of all (well, for some of us at least), we got confirmation that there will be at least one more series. Judging by the preview, Survivor: Fiji has already been filmed and is in the editing suite (and remember that they’ve just finished filming and there’s just been another coup in Fiji. Coincidence?) The new twists in a desperate bid for ongoing relevance include one tribe living the usual Survivor deprivations while the other lives in luxury, and two individual immunity idols on Exile Island. Apparently one of the most controversial decisions ever made by a Survivor will have America talking. We don’t know yet if it will have Australia talking, since Channel Eddie has lost its first dibs on CBS programs as of 2007 and who knows what Channel 10 will do with it.
Congratulations to the winners of the office sweeps, and thanks again for all the feedback from people who have enjoyed the weekly recaps. Now grab your torches and head back to camp.
We started with a recap of the entire series so far and a reminder of who flirted with whom as early preparation for the reunion special. Speaking of Candice and Parvati, Adam spent a cold and lonely night alone in the shelter, sleeping by himself for probably the first time in 37 days.
The Immunity Challenge involved the usual gig of collecting bags of timber puzzle pieces, which were tied up at the ends of various rope courses. Ozzy started with the hardest course first, so while he was the last to return with his first bag (giving Yul and Adam some hope of finally beating him) his incredible grace and athleticism saw him easily catch up and be the first to have all the bags.
Jeff had warned at the beginning that it was "the hardest puzzle ever in Survivor history!" It was a four-layer compass map that only fitted together correctly one way. If you’ve ever picked up a timber cube on someone’s coffee table and said to yourself "Oh, this looks easy" you’ll know the sort of puzzle I mean. (You probably also remember the look on your host’s face as you pulled it apart, which gave you an idea of how many hours it takes them to solve it every time a guest does that.)
Adam looked like he had a chance at one point, but yet again Ozzy got the immunity necklace back. He and his friends immediately started celebrating the fact that the underdog Aitu tribe had made it to the final four, hours before it was officially confirmed by Adam being voted out. That was actually a bit rude, but hey it was only Adam.
Despite the predictable outcome it was an interesting Tribal Council. Nate limped into the jury box on crutches – which was never explained – and Adam accused both Sundra and Becky of being boring – which didn’t need to be explained because it’s true.
Something that nobody will ever be able to explain to me is why our all-minority, mutiny-surviving final four were so excited about doing the "Rite of Passage". In case you’ve managed to repress the memory, this is where we get a little montage of each voted-out Survivor and a quote from them about their experience of the game, while the remaining players collect all the torches and then burn them. We already had the recap at the start of the episode; we don’t need another! If the producers want a twist how about getting rid of that bit?
Immediately following this touching celebration of failure, the four remaining Survivors went direct to the ‘final’ immunity challenge, which only made sense after Jeff explained that this year three people instead of only two would be in the running for the million dollars.
As in previous series it was a test of "who can hold their balance longest on a gradually shrinking foothold?" Becky went out first, with Yul a surprise exit next and Sundra a shock finalist, still hanging on next to Ozzy – who nearly fell but somehow recovered half a dozen times - at the 2 hour 30 minute mark.
The final elimination Tribal Council was a mixture of dignity and humiliation. Ozzy of course had won immunity but refused to decide who out of Becky and Sundra to vote out. His suggestion of an arranged tie-vote, with the subsequent fire starting challenge to decide a winner, was accepted by everyone involved, even by Becky who’d been offered the individual immunity idol by Yul but rejected it on the grounds that she wanted to win fair and square. So far so good: everyone knows that being able to make fire with flint and machete is a core Survivor skill, one which can be practised at home. Should be a doddle. Should be an exciting outcome.
Becky and Sundra take their places, flint in hand, with the jury on the edge of its seats. Here’s where the producers went wrong: instead of lighting a fire to burn a rope and raise a flag they had to burn a rope and ring a bell. The novelty put both girls off their game. Suspense background music changed to comedy background music as the words "30 minutes" came up on screen to explain why everyone was yawning. By the one hour mark, with still not even the suggestion of a flame, Ozzy and Yul both looked mortified and Jeff looked simply furious as he finally snapped "STOP! We’re switching to matches!"
The horror didn’t end there. Sundra got a flame going, then let it go out, then ran out of matches. Luckily for everyone (except perhaps Bryant and May shareholders) Becky finally got a decent fire going and put everyone out of their misery.
The changed up final-three format had a few implications. It meant an odd number of jurors (not the 10 we’d earlier feared), but still had the potential for a tied 3-3-3 or 1-4-4 vote. It means there’s no cursed car challenge this year. And Phil didn’t get to do his routine where the person with immunity chooses who they’ll take through, and he says with a wry little smile "I’ll go tally the vote." I always love that bit!
It also had me looking at my watch and wondering how they’d get through nine jurors asking three questions each instead of seven jurors only having two finalists to grill. The answer was simply that Nate, who went first, asked Becky why she deserved the million dollars and she couldn’t give an answer to match Yul’s puppet mastery and Ozzy’s physical dominance. After that nobody even bothered asking her any more questions, confirming that the previous night’s fire starting debacle had blown her chances even more than the perception that she’d been riding Yul’s coat tails the whole way.
The rest of the questions illuminated as much about the person asking them as the person answering. Nate waived his wrists around and used lots of words like ‘brother’ and ‘respect’. Jenny made up a new word; ‘strategical’. Rebecca managed to provoke responses about depictions of minority stereotypes on prime-time TV. Adam forced the boys to trash talk each other, and Candice forced Yul (who, remember, is a management consultant) to give a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ answer without any further explanation. It was a struggle, but he eventually managed it.
Brad pointed out that he doesn’t know Ozzy at all and tried to correct that by asking Ozzy to describe his most challenging life experience. In a real shock, Ozzy broke down in tears talking about his non-existent relationship with his birth father, although technically he didn’t answer the second part of the question about "and how you dealt with it". And Jonathan, naturally, snatched the dying seconds of his 15 minutes to accuse everyone being untrustworthy and arrogant. Yawn.
And so onto Los Angeles for the winner announcement and the reunion. Jeff started by describing it as one of the most enjoyable out of 13 seasons so far. By the time Yul and Ozzy had four votes each it was clear that Becky wasn’t getting any. Everyone knows that Jeff has already seen the votes before he reads them out, so he was teasing when he claimed that the final vote might be for Becky and might cause a tie. It wasn’t of course, so he declared her officially in third place before reading out the final vote for… YUL!
While everyone hugged and cheered, Jeff slipped off to change into the same natty duck-egg blue v-neck sweater he wore to last year’s reunion. Yul got more opportunities to be modest and self-effacing. Ozzy confessed that Robinson Crusoe is one of his favourite childhood books, which simultaneously explained why he looked to be living his ultimate fantasy while he was on the island, and like he’d pee his pants in front of the TV cameras and all those people. The goatee he’d grown during the series really gave him the look of a Spanish Conquistador, but clean-shaven at the reunion he looked more like a scared little boy. It was a bit sad, as was his own choice of v-neck sweater.
Jonathan got to mouth off some more, and Sekou followed a tradition started by Wanda in Palau of the person who composes a special Survivor song being the first one voted off; the difference was that Sekou didn’t unveil his song until the reunion, and got to play it with the band.
Candice tried to justify her romance with Adam, while he answered the question about their current status by starting with the words "You know, Candice is a great girl…" which absolutely confirmed that they’re no longer together and he had no intention of continuing the ‘relationship’ once she’d finished her usefulness. Nate got grilled about his interactions with Parvati and first denied but then admitted that he’d fallen for her flirting, which was uncomfortable for everyone except Parvati, who seemed to enjoy the attention.
Billy, by comparison, came out the reunion looking pretty good by explaining that his declaration of love for Candice had been a combination of heat-of-the-moment and trying to pretend he didn’t need the tribemates who’d thrown a challenge so they could get rid of him. Whether it’s true or not, he was able to laugh at himself, and well all love that. Ooops, I probably shouldn’t say "We love you" so loosely. Billy, if you’re reading this please know that I’m very happily married and I meant "love" in a totally platonic sense.
Ozzy won a car (sorry, a Mercury Mariner) in an on-line vote for who played the smartest game, beating Yul by less than 1% of the vote and proving that the car curse still applies even if you don’t know about it.
Finally, and most importantly of all (well, for some of us at least), we got confirmation that there will be at least one more series. Judging by the preview, Survivor: Fiji has already been filmed and is in the editing suite (and remember that they’ve just finished filming and there’s just been another coup in Fiji. Coincidence?) The new twists in a desperate bid for ongoing relevance include one tribe living the usual Survivor deprivations while the other lives in luxury, and two individual immunity idols on Exile Island. Apparently one of the most controversial decisions ever made by a Survivor will have America talking. We don’t know yet if it will have Australia talking, since Channel Eddie has lost its first dibs on CBS programs as of 2007 and who knows what Channel 10 will do with it.
Congratulations to the winners of the office sweeps, and thanks again for all the feedback from people who have enjoyed the weekly recaps. Now grab your torches and head back to camp.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Survivor Cook Islands: week 13
I’m going to start this week with a quote from Parvati’s final video message after she was voted out: "I knew I could have worked it more in the hot tub if I wanted to, but I don’t think it would have helped my place in the game." Sure it’s putting the tart before the sauce to begin like that, but it just sums up her Survivor experience so perfectly.
Chronologically speaking the episode began with Adam and Parvati discussing how to stay in the game a bit longer despite the numbers being in favour of the still-solid Aitu alliance. Parvati pointed out that the two of them are in a position of relative weakness and that it would take a lot to achieve the goal of swinging one of the others across. She then went on to develop a strategy of doing this in a way that didn’t make it seem like that person was betraying their alliance, and planned to use lots of charm and smooth talking as her tactics. Adam's contribution was "Those four are tight. We’re gonna need to try something." Oh, and he said "Yeah, exactly!" to all Parvati’s ideas. It was like watching George W Bush at a Pentagon briefing.
This week’s tree mail ‘poem’ started with the line "It’s time to break out your swimwear…", and the rest was so excruciatingly bad that the producers left out whole lines of Yul’s recitation in a too-little-too-late demonstration of remorse. They did, however, quickly flash a glimpse of the paper so that those of us with either a deep susceptibility to subliminal messages – or a VCR, a remote control and no life – were let in on the obscure clue "Shirts will not be allowed" to go with the slightly less cryptic message of a small bucket of mud.
The winner of the reward challenge was the person who could collect the most mud without using their hands, shirts (a ha!) or any other vessel. Basically they had to roll around in a mud pit, go through an obstacle course, scrape the muck off their bodies into a bucket and then go back for more. Most of them collected between 8 and 9kg in the time limit. Parvati was third with 10 kg, and Yul just nudged into second with 10.2kg. Ozzy managed 20kg and genuinely scared the others with the proof of just how good he is regardless of what the challenge involves. The three of them, still covered in mud, got put in a small plane with plastic all over the seats for an overnight stay at a luxury resort. Sundra and Becky went back to camp to stew with increasing bitterness at their misfortune, while Adam spent a couple of days on Exile Island, eating raw shellfish and letting the flies nest in the open wounds on his leg. I’m so glad the show is on late and it’s hours since I’ve eaten.
The reward challenge provided those who wield the pixelating machine with plenty of opportunities to demonstrate their craft. Both Adam and Ozzy found themselves modesty-challenged as the combination of body weight loss and mud weight gain threatened their shorts’ tentative grip on decency. Bikini-clad girls covered in mud and rubbing their hands over their bodies also stretched a PG rating, even though the mud meant nothing was really on show (but then again an odd jewellery choice meant nothing was technically on show during Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction, either).
It got even more risque on the challenge reward. Parvati might not have realised that as she showered the mud off her silhouette was clearly visible to the camera crew through the shower door. However, there was no doubt she knew what she was doing as she slithered naked into the hot tub with a nude Yul and Ozzy after a champagne and candlelight dinner. All game-strategy of course. Not auditioning for a photo spread in Ralph magazine when she gets home at all. Nooooo.
While their tactics might be different, both Yul and Parvati are equally focussed on advancing themselves in the game. We already know that Parvati "worked it in the hot tub", with Ozzy quite clearly the main target of her flattery barrage. Yul was so serious in expressing his concern about the potential consequences of her success that he didn’t even realise he’d uttered the single entendre of the series with the line, "If Ozzy responds in some way something might come up."
Maybe it was the food and the comfortable bed, or maybe it was the rejuvenating power of the hot tub, but the immunity challenge was once again Parvati third, Yul second, and Ozzy first by a very large margin. That afternoon both Adam and Parvati separately had the same conversation with puppet-master Yul, acknowledging that one of them would be sent home and asking in the nicest possible way for it to be the other.
Last week after his torch was snuffed, Jonathan said to the remaining Survivors "And I’d like my hat back at some point." Yul, being such an incredibly nice guy, duly returned said hat at Tribal Council this week. Jonathan looked absolutely delighted that Yul had made the effort. He looked somewhat less delighted after Jeff pointed out that it was a clever act on Yul’s part to suck up to a jury member. Who knows whether Yul really was being that political, or whether returning the hat was a genuine favour and he simply felt it was better to agree with the accusation rather than deny it and be accused of lying.
Jeff was just as politically provocative during the rest of Tribal Council, asking Adam whether Parvati’s performance in the hot tub had increased her chances in the game at his expense. Adam mumbled something unintelligible about he and Parvati being mates from early on the game, much to Candice’s horror in the jury box.
Finally it was the predictable 4-2 vote, with Parvati as the loser. In a triumph for multiculturalism, this season’s racial supremacy experiment has left at least one member of each original tribe in the final five. It's a small world after all.
This Friday night - at the entirely reasonable time of 8.30pm - we get the last three hours of Survivor Cook Islands with lots of elimination challenges, the jury interrogation of the two finalists, and presumably the ghastly annual walk down memory lane. Don’t miss it!
Chronologically speaking the episode began with Adam and Parvati discussing how to stay in the game a bit longer despite the numbers being in favour of the still-solid Aitu alliance. Parvati pointed out that the two of them are in a position of relative weakness and that it would take a lot to achieve the goal of swinging one of the others across. She then went on to develop a strategy of doing this in a way that didn’t make it seem like that person was betraying their alliance, and planned to use lots of charm and smooth talking as her tactics. Adam's contribution was "Those four are tight. We’re gonna need to try something." Oh, and he said "Yeah, exactly!" to all Parvati’s ideas. It was like watching George W Bush at a Pentagon briefing.
This week’s tree mail ‘poem’ started with the line "It’s time to break out your swimwear…", and the rest was so excruciatingly bad that the producers left out whole lines of Yul’s recitation in a too-little-too-late demonstration of remorse. They did, however, quickly flash a glimpse of the paper so that those of us with either a deep susceptibility to subliminal messages – or a VCR, a remote control and no life – were let in on the obscure clue "Shirts will not be allowed" to go with the slightly less cryptic message of a small bucket of mud.
The winner of the reward challenge was the person who could collect the most mud without using their hands, shirts (a ha!) or any other vessel. Basically they had to roll around in a mud pit, go through an obstacle course, scrape the muck off their bodies into a bucket and then go back for more. Most of them collected between 8 and 9kg in the time limit. Parvati was third with 10 kg, and Yul just nudged into second with 10.2kg. Ozzy managed 20kg and genuinely scared the others with the proof of just how good he is regardless of what the challenge involves. The three of them, still covered in mud, got put in a small plane with plastic all over the seats for an overnight stay at a luxury resort. Sundra and Becky went back to camp to stew with increasing bitterness at their misfortune, while Adam spent a couple of days on Exile Island, eating raw shellfish and letting the flies nest in the open wounds on his leg. I’m so glad the show is on late and it’s hours since I’ve eaten.
The reward challenge provided those who wield the pixelating machine with plenty of opportunities to demonstrate their craft. Both Adam and Ozzy found themselves modesty-challenged as the combination of body weight loss and mud weight gain threatened their shorts’ tentative grip on decency. Bikini-clad girls covered in mud and rubbing their hands over their bodies also stretched a PG rating, even though the mud meant nothing was really on show (but then again an odd jewellery choice meant nothing was technically on show during Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction, either).
It got even more risque on the challenge reward. Parvati might not have realised that as she showered the mud off her silhouette was clearly visible to the camera crew through the shower door. However, there was no doubt she knew what she was doing as she slithered naked into the hot tub with a nude Yul and Ozzy after a champagne and candlelight dinner. All game-strategy of course. Not auditioning for a photo spread in Ralph magazine when she gets home at all. Nooooo.
While their tactics might be different, both Yul and Parvati are equally focussed on advancing themselves in the game. We already know that Parvati "worked it in the hot tub", with Ozzy quite clearly the main target of her flattery barrage. Yul was so serious in expressing his concern about the potential consequences of her success that he didn’t even realise he’d uttered the single entendre of the series with the line, "If Ozzy responds in some way something might come up."
Maybe it was the food and the comfortable bed, or maybe it was the rejuvenating power of the hot tub, but the immunity challenge was once again Parvati third, Yul second, and Ozzy first by a very large margin. That afternoon both Adam and Parvati separately had the same conversation with puppet-master Yul, acknowledging that one of them would be sent home and asking in the nicest possible way for it to be the other.
Last week after his torch was snuffed, Jonathan said to the remaining Survivors "And I’d like my hat back at some point." Yul, being such an incredibly nice guy, duly returned said hat at Tribal Council this week. Jonathan looked absolutely delighted that Yul had made the effort. He looked somewhat less delighted after Jeff pointed out that it was a clever act on Yul’s part to suck up to a jury member. Who knows whether Yul really was being that political, or whether returning the hat was a genuine favour and he simply felt it was better to agree with the accusation rather than deny it and be accused of lying.
Jeff was just as politically provocative during the rest of Tribal Council, asking Adam whether Parvati’s performance in the hot tub had increased her chances in the game at his expense. Adam mumbled something unintelligible about he and Parvati being mates from early on the game, much to Candice’s horror in the jury box.
Finally it was the predictable 4-2 vote, with Parvati as the loser. In a triumph for multiculturalism, this season’s racial supremacy experiment has left at least one member of each original tribe in the final five. It's a small world after all.
This Friday night - at the entirely reasonable time of 8.30pm - we get the last three hours of Survivor Cook Islands with lots of elimination challenges, the jury interrogation of the two finalists, and presumably the ghastly annual walk down memory lane. Don’t miss it!
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Survivor Cook Islands: week 12
Last week was all about Candice, but this week it was Parvati’s turn to shine. And squeal. Seriously, it was a very impressive array of emotions that she managed to display without the use of consonants.
As predicted, she and Adam were arm in arm by the time they got back to camp from the Tribal Council where Candice – his girlfriend and her best friend – had just been voted out. It was kind of like Paris Hilton hooking up with K-Fed, or something equally vacuous.
The squealing started when Parvati, who has to, like, work around camp because she is, like, in the minority now, sliced her thumb open with a rusty machete while cutting coconuts. Lucky she never bothered with a machete in the early days while it was still sharp or she’d have cut her thumb off completely. The medical team were called in, and to everyone’s horror they were quite happy to stitch it up in a deft piece of field surgery. Princess Parvati didn’t want her pinky to be patched in the dirty old jungle, while everyone else seemed to hope she’d be taken away never to return.
The next squeals came when she won the Reward Challenge. Jeff’s description of the challenge had a greater density of "But Wait There’s More!" moments than a Demtel ad. The original instruction was that Survivors simply had to scoop up sea water to fill a bucket and, of course, raise a flag. The next layer of detail was to bring out the Loved Ones and announce that they’d also be participating. I was so hoping Adam would have a wife or girlfriend stroll out of the jungle, just to prove him the cad I’ve always suspected him of being, but it was just his Dad. Next was the news that Survivors would have to throw water from their bucket to their Loved One’s bucket across a two meter gap, and finally the ultimate indignity that the Survivors would be blindfolded. Hey, stop complaining Loved Ones; some of your predecessors had to do the gross food challenge.
Jonathan’s wife quickly realised she was catching more water in her shirt and hair than in the bucket and started squeezing those out as well, but she wasn’t absorbent enough to win. As victor, Parvati’s dad got to choose two other Loved Ones and their Survivors to join them on the reward of a tribal village visit and picnic pig-out (more squealing from Parvati), with no political input from his daughter but lots of pleading looks from everyone else. At least now he’s met his daughter’s new boyfriend.
As co-victor, Parvati got to choose who spent a few days on Exile Island and had no hesitation in picking Jonathan. She later described it as a strategic move to show the others how good life in camp would be without him, but that might be 20/20 hindsight repackaged as insight for the benefit of the cameras.
What it clearly did show, however, was what the last few days for Yul, Becky and Ozzy will be like when they’re the final three. We all know it will be them because Yul has the immunity idol, Becky has Yul, and Ozzy is just a freak in the challenges. This week he’d done both laps of the boo-eee and marine-grade plywood obstacle course before most of the girls were even half way through their first, culminating in a coccyx-shattering tumble from Sundra that’s a shoe-in for the finals of Cook Islands’ Funniest Home Videos.
The cool mood change when Jonathan returned from Exile Island in time for the immunity challenge was noticeable, but back at camp it was a cold snap like Christmas Day in Melbourne every time he spoke. When Jeff asked whether anyone other than Ozzy felt concerned at not having immunity only three people reacted: Adam and Parvati raised their hands, and Jonathan leered and gloated. He smiled all the way through Tribal Council, although not as much as Candice was smiling at Adam (and was it just me, or did anyone else think she actually looked WORSE after a bath and wearing make up than she did au naturale at camp?)
It was one of the most predictable Tribal Councils ever. Jonathan and Adam kept up a fine and noble tradition of name calling, with the Jury cheering at everything Adam said, and Jeff stuck to his script to the point of pretending not to know Yul has the immunity idol even though it had just been discussed. Most predictable of all, Jonathan got voted out in a landslide and was indignant and spiteful in defeat.
With only six Survivors and a handful of episodes left this season, it’s now well and truly down to business. Next week looks like the start of the alliance collapses, which is always fun. There’s the cursed car to give away, and I’m still holding out hope for another gross food challenge. It’s been way too long, and it would really give Parvati something to squeal about.
As predicted, she and Adam were arm in arm by the time they got back to camp from the Tribal Council where Candice – his girlfriend and her best friend – had just been voted out. It was kind of like Paris Hilton hooking up with K-Fed, or something equally vacuous.
The squealing started when Parvati, who has to, like, work around camp because she is, like, in the minority now, sliced her thumb open with a rusty machete while cutting coconuts. Lucky she never bothered with a machete in the early days while it was still sharp or she’d have cut her thumb off completely. The medical team were called in, and to everyone’s horror they were quite happy to stitch it up in a deft piece of field surgery. Princess Parvati didn’t want her pinky to be patched in the dirty old jungle, while everyone else seemed to hope she’d be taken away never to return.
The next squeals came when she won the Reward Challenge. Jeff’s description of the challenge had a greater density of "But Wait There’s More!" moments than a Demtel ad. The original instruction was that Survivors simply had to scoop up sea water to fill a bucket and, of course, raise a flag. The next layer of detail was to bring out the Loved Ones and announce that they’d also be participating. I was so hoping Adam would have a wife or girlfriend stroll out of the jungle, just to prove him the cad I’ve always suspected him of being, but it was just his Dad. Next was the news that Survivors would have to throw water from their bucket to their Loved One’s bucket across a two meter gap, and finally the ultimate indignity that the Survivors would be blindfolded. Hey, stop complaining Loved Ones; some of your predecessors had to do the gross food challenge.
Jonathan’s wife quickly realised she was catching more water in her shirt and hair than in the bucket and started squeezing those out as well, but she wasn’t absorbent enough to win. As victor, Parvati’s dad got to choose two other Loved Ones and their Survivors to join them on the reward of a tribal village visit and picnic pig-out (more squealing from Parvati), with no political input from his daughter but lots of pleading looks from everyone else. At least now he’s met his daughter’s new boyfriend.
As co-victor, Parvati got to choose who spent a few days on Exile Island and had no hesitation in picking Jonathan. She later described it as a strategic move to show the others how good life in camp would be without him, but that might be 20/20 hindsight repackaged as insight for the benefit of the cameras.
What it clearly did show, however, was what the last few days for Yul, Becky and Ozzy will be like when they’re the final three. We all know it will be them because Yul has the immunity idol, Becky has Yul, and Ozzy is just a freak in the challenges. This week he’d done both laps of the boo-eee and marine-grade plywood obstacle course before most of the girls were even half way through their first, culminating in a coccyx-shattering tumble from Sundra that’s a shoe-in for the finals of Cook Islands’ Funniest Home Videos.
The cool mood change when Jonathan returned from Exile Island in time for the immunity challenge was noticeable, but back at camp it was a cold snap like Christmas Day in Melbourne every time he spoke. When Jeff asked whether anyone other than Ozzy felt concerned at not having immunity only three people reacted: Adam and Parvati raised their hands, and Jonathan leered and gloated. He smiled all the way through Tribal Council, although not as much as Candice was smiling at Adam (and was it just me, or did anyone else think she actually looked WORSE after a bath and wearing make up than she did au naturale at camp?)
It was one of the most predictable Tribal Councils ever. Jonathan and Adam kept up a fine and noble tradition of name calling, with the Jury cheering at everything Adam said, and Jeff stuck to his script to the point of pretending not to know Yul has the immunity idol even though it had just been discussed. Most predictable of all, Jonathan got voted out in a landslide and was indignant and spiteful in defeat.
With only six Survivors and a handful of episodes left this season, it’s now well and truly down to business. Next week looks like the start of the alliance collapses, which is always fun. There’s the cursed car to give away, and I’m still holding out hope for another gross food challenge. It’s been way too long, and it would really give Parvati something to squeal about.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Survivor Cook Islands: week 11
MEMO
From: Tess
To: Candice
Subject: You're an idiot!
Dear Candice,
I’m glad you got voted off this week, an opinion which many other people would share if it weren’t for the fact that I’m possibly the only person in the country still bothering to stay up that late to watch the show.
You looked so smart on paper and such high pre-season potential. We all felt a bit sorry for you with the whole Billy "I Love You" crush thing. That was pretty embarrassing, but so was watching you then mouth the same words to Adam across Tribal Council a few weeks later.
We all felt a bit sorry for you when you got sent to Exile Island the first time. I had a slight twinge of sympathy when you got sent the second time, although that was just after the mutiny so you kind of deserved it. The third time you cried a lot because you were sad that people who you liked were being so mean to you. That’s because you were mean to them first. It’s called "cause and effect".
This week’s reward challenge was the auction, and Becky was able to outbid you on an item that would "give power in the game". She was able to do that because her platonic friend Yul was happy to lend her more money than your boyfriend was willing to give you. That kind of says something about how much Adam respects you. Becky’s reward was the right to take all your money AND send you back to Exile Island again. You cried a lot, said you needed a hug, and that the isolation of being there for a few hours with nothing but the camera crew for company was driving you almost to breaking point. David Hicks feels your pain.
I suppose Jonathan was a bit of a turncoat swapping sides to the other alliance, but don’t forget that you’ve been secretly campaigning against him for a while now. You might think he’s arrogant, but what he did bought him another couple of weeks in the game, which makes it a smart move. Another word for it might be something like, oh, maybe "Survival."
Speaking of survival, some of the basic elements include food and water. Food means catching fish and collecting enough firewood to cook that fish. Water means collecting the water from the source, gathering even more wood and keeping a fire going long enough to boil that water and purify it. Sure, shelter is another key element of survival but I don’t think "shelter" means laying about in the tent making out with Adam, while Parvati hangs around to form a very creepy quasi ménage à trois.
One of this week’s best scenes was the bit where the other five were too tired from catching fish, cleaning them, collecting firewood and doing all the cooking to walk up to the tent and let Your Highness know dinner was ready. Well that’s not strictly true: they’d actually just had enough of your laziness and made a conscious decision not to invite you to share the fish you'd had no part in acquiring. Here’s three interesting points which seemed to escape your notice:
From: Tess
To: Candice
Subject: You're an idiot!
Dear Candice,
I’m glad you got voted off this week, an opinion which many other people would share if it weren’t for the fact that I’m possibly the only person in the country still bothering to stay up that late to watch the show.
You looked so smart on paper and such high pre-season potential. We all felt a bit sorry for you with the whole Billy "I Love You" crush thing. That was pretty embarrassing, but so was watching you then mouth the same words to Adam across Tribal Council a few weeks later.
We all felt a bit sorry for you when you got sent to Exile Island the first time. I had a slight twinge of sympathy when you got sent the second time, although that was just after the mutiny so you kind of deserved it. The third time you cried a lot because you were sad that people who you liked were being so mean to you. That’s because you were mean to them first. It’s called "cause and effect".
This week’s reward challenge was the auction, and Becky was able to outbid you on an item that would "give power in the game". She was able to do that because her platonic friend Yul was happy to lend her more money than your boyfriend was willing to give you. That kind of says something about how much Adam respects you. Becky’s reward was the right to take all your money AND send you back to Exile Island again. You cried a lot, said you needed a hug, and that the isolation of being there for a few hours with nothing but the camera crew for company was driving you almost to breaking point. David Hicks feels your pain.
I suppose Jonathan was a bit of a turncoat swapping sides to the other alliance, but don’t forget that you’ve been secretly campaigning against him for a while now. You might think he’s arrogant, but what he did bought him another couple of weeks in the game, which makes it a smart move. Another word for it might be something like, oh, maybe "Survival."
Speaking of survival, some of the basic elements include food and water. Food means catching fish and collecting enough firewood to cook that fish. Water means collecting the water from the source, gathering even more wood and keeping a fire going long enough to boil that water and purify it. Sure, shelter is another key element of survival but I don’t think "shelter" means laying about in the tent making out with Adam, while Parvati hangs around to form a very creepy quasi ménage à trois.
One of this week’s best scenes was the bit where the other five were too tired from catching fish, cleaning them, collecting firewood and doing all the cooking to walk up to the tent and let Your Highness know dinner was ready. Well that’s not strictly true: they’d actually just had enough of your laziness and made a conscious decision not to invite you to share the fish you'd had no part in acquiring. Here’s three interesting points which seemed to escape your notice:
- if you’d been involved in the food’s preparation you’d have known it was ready;
- perhaps you, Adam and Parvati had the tent rockin’ so much the others were reluctant to do any knockin’; and
- it’s interesting how Adam and Parvati let you challenge the other five alone without any backup.
Granted, the three of you did surprisingly well in the immunity challenge this week, especially Parvati who won the first round and Adam who won the necklace and immunity (especially since math was involved). It probably would have been more impressive to see that sort of effort earlier in the game, not just when absolute self interest is at stake.
Yul is such a cool guy. It was cool the way he used the immunity idol last week to switch the game up by getting Jonathan to change sides. It was funny hearing you and Parvati tell Jonathan he was lying when he informed you that Yul has the idol. And it was absolutely hysterical when you declared in front of everyone that you were going to find it during your fourth stay on Exile Island and Yul just pulled it out of his bag. He's so cool.
Everyone now just assumes that Yul will be in the final two, and it was interesting the way your alliance offered to sell him all three of its jury votes if he’d agree to get rid of Jonathan. For a while there it looked like he might even do it. Do you think what changed his mind was the bit where you told Jonathan that Yul thinks he’s selfish and predictable, in front of the rest of the tribe? Personally I’d like to think Yul saw through you long before that, but there’s no doubting that little outburst sealed the deal.
That massive smooch you had with Adam as you collected your torch was undignified (although the way Nate was grinning and staring with his eyes bugging out of his head was just plain creepy). Jeff commented while he snuffed out your torch, "A kiss is nice, but maybe if it were love Adam would have given you the immunity necklace." It was one of the truest observations made this week, and you completely ignored it. Maybe you’ll remember it when the whole world gets to see next week how much (or how little!) Adam is pining for you, and how much comfort and succour he's getting from Parvati.
Yours sincerely,
Tess
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Survivor Cook Islands: week 10
This is turning into a cracker of a series, which kind of makes the staying up worth it. The best part is that it’s probably going to get even better.
It was an inauspicious start with Jonathan yet again doing all the housework for the rest of the frat house, which is essentially what the Raro campsite has turned into thanks to Adam, Candice, Nate and Parvati prancing about like an ad for Tommy Hilfiger’s latest. He tried to rev them up, but why get excited about collecting firewood and water when everyone knows Jonathan will do it anyway if nobody else does.
Luckily for Jonathan the reward challenge was cancelled in favour of the merge, which was accompanied by new – and, more importantly to him, clean – buffs. Also on offer was the semi-traditional merge feast, held this time on a traditional Cook Island catamaran. The feast was matched with complimentary alcohol in quantities only limited by the size of Adam and Nate’s bladders. Adam seemed to spend the later stages of the journey leaning over the stern with his head almost down in the water. And no, I don’t believe he was looking for fish. The water clarity probably wasn’t that great by the time he stopped anyway.
Between scenes of Adam and Parvati flirting and caressing shamelessly in the shelter, and scenes of Adam and Candice flirting and kissing shamelessly in the jungle, there was an immunity challenge. Survivors had to hold onto a pole for as long as possible, with only some rope as a toe hold. Adam lasted 9 minutes, with Jonathan and Nate not far behind. By comparison, Sundra was the first of the girls to give up at a respectable 32 minutes with Ozzy finally beating out Candice after two and a quarter hours up there. The guy is apparently a freak on land as well as in the water.
Also straddling the immunity challenge was Yul’s attempts to get Jonathan back to Aitu’s faction. A few hypothetical discussions about trust and possession of the immunity idol softened Jonathan from his initial avowal that he’d never betray Raro. Some or all of the following comments from Yul probably helped, too:
- I have the immunity idol and if Raro votes for me I’ll use it to save myself.
- If you don’t join our alliance, I’ll make sure that Aitu all vote for you so you’ll have the next highest number of votes and will be sent home.
- I want to take you to the final two because I know I can beat you.
$100,000 as runner up is better than nothing, so Jonathan didn’t have a whole lot of choices and he knew it. He’s already betrayed Aitu with his mutiny, and while rejoining them looked to be his best hope of surviving a bit longer in the game it meant betraying the few remaining people left in the game whom he hadn’t betrayed already. And don’t forget that he stole that chicken in week 1. He used some choice words to describe his situation, which must have slipped past the producers who were busy wielding the pixelation machine for every time either the front of Nate’s pants or the rear of Ozzy’s appeared on screen.
In a very unusual move, not one vote or comment was shown to us on the couch out in TV land, which made the "has he or hasn’t he" tension about Jonathan’s vote rather fabulous right through the poorly-timed ad break. Yul and Nate also had to wait through all nine votes to see who got peel his hands off his eyes and lift them above his head in triumph and relief. Fortunately for the rest of the season that was Yul, and Nate slunk off into the night to begin a video message that was little more than a barrage of vitriol aimed at Jonathan for his betrayal. The looks Jonathan was getting from Adam, Parvati and Candice were silent but no less furious. It’s very clear that they won’t remain silent for long, so next week’s episode should be fantastic since none of them seems to have the nous to shut up and regroup. And we all know what great TV that makes.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Survivor Cook Islands: week 9
The most remarkable thing about this week’s episode was how much it resembled the previous week:
- Aitu won both challenges;
- Those members of Raro who sat out the challenge spent most of the time with their heads in the hands, groaning;
- Candice got sent to Exile Island;
- Jonathan worked really hard to keep his tentative new spot on Raro;
- Adam and Candice spent what little time they had together either scheming or making out; and
- The tree mail poem was really bad.
OK that last one is pretty much a given, but this week’s was noteworthily bad. How bad? Bad enough for me to pause the video, copy it out and reproduce it here for your own private moment of horror:
Any explorer knows
To study about where he goes
Disappointment shows
And for the losers…the "Tribal Council Woes".
Both challenges this week had required pre-reading, which automatically put Aitu at an advantage since they seem to hold most of the brains. The Reward Challenge featured treasure chests buried in the sand below various points of the compass, with nautical signal flags hidden in each one. The flags spelt out the word Victory (which could also have been "OR ICY TV" but I supposed Jeff did say it was a word, singular), and Aitu had it before Raro even had their fourth chest out of the sand. Highlights included Jonathan deciding that the first clue was NNW instead of NNE, Jonathan falling over, Jenny having to be told to help him dig, Candice telling Jenny to dig with both hands, Jonathan and Jenny tagging out too early and having to go back and touch the mat again, and Jenny getting the opportunity to VERY sarcastically tell Candice to dig with both hands.
It was far easier for Aitu to send Candice back to Exile Island than it was for her to understand why they did it. She’s now spent more of her post-Mutiny time on Exile Island than she has with her new tribe, and most of this visit was spent crying into her buff in genuine shock because the people she betrayed were mean to her. Maybe she’s not so smart after all.
Aitu, meanwhile, were being welcomed to a traditional Cook Island village in the manner of returning victorious warriors. Most series seem to involve this kind of event, but Aitu clicked with their hosts better than any tribe I remember. Yul and Ozzy each got sandwiched between a pair of grass-skirted, hula-dancing local women, with Ozzy’s seducers being on the young and slender side (much to his enjoyment) and Yul’s being on the older and more rotund side (much to everyone else’s enjoyment!)
The Indemnity Challenge also required study, with the subject this time being a map of the South Pacific including such familiar countries as Palau and Vanuatu. Since Rebecca had sat out the previous challenge everyone knew that she’d have to participate this time, and it wasn’t looking like she’d be much help to the tribe when Parvarti the cocktail waitress / model / female boxer came up with a simple mnemonic device and got an utterly blank look in return.
As you already know, Aitu won yet again and sent Raro back to Tribal Council, but not before Jeff sent them back to camp for a few hours holding a small glass bottle, sealed up with wax and containing a mystery note that would only be opened after the vote. Candice was spot on when she predicted that it must be something bad, because it would have been given to the winners if it were something good. And by now it’s very clear that Raro are not winners.
Sure enough, after a vote in which Rebecca’s lack of performance in challenges and housework around camp were punished despite her membership of the core Raro alliance, the note was read out: "You’ve just voted out one member of your tribe. You will now vote out another." Yep, without any chance to consult with each other the remaining six had to vote again, and yet again they voted out a member of their original alliance. If Rebecca looked unimpressed when her torch was snuffed, Jenny was positively ropable and I doubt either new Jury member will forget their betrayal in a hurry.
The ad for next week claims that "things heat up between Adam and Candice". That’s going to be something of a worry for the censors, since this week had them alone in the shelter doing that routine from Raiders of the Lost Ark, with Adam kissing Candice everywhere she had cut herself with the machete. Why am I’m not surprised those two couldn’t come up with something more original?
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Survivor Cook Islands: week 8
Unless you regularly invest some quality time reading the TV guide (or somewhat obsessively researching a particular show, not that I do that or anything) you might not realise that each Survivor episode has a name. As in all things Survivor, sometimes the names are a bit naff. This week, however, the title "Mutiny!" was about as accurate as it gets because not one minute was spent on anything not in some way related to that theme.
In some more quality editing this week we had a really nice scenario set up with Jonathan talking at length about how important it is for the six Aitu members to stick together since there’s also six Raro members and the merge might happen soon. In the next scene we saw him talking to Candice and explaining that he really wants to slough off the rest of the tribe and get the two of them back with the remaining whiteys over on Raro for a Caucasian domination of the final four. Finally we got Candice’s piece to camera where explained quite clearly that she really doesn't want Jonathan hanging around her. She only just managed to keep from panting too heavily while thinking about getting back on the same tribe typically prophetic quote: "I think stuff’s about to happen, about to start moving."
She didn’t have to wait long. Before the start of the reward challenge Jeff gave everyone a ten second window in which to Mutiny! and swap tribes if they wanted. Candice spent eight of those seconds leering at Adam, then stepped forward. She was a second too soon, because Jeff stopped the countdown to express amazement and during the delay Jonathan to decide follow her. His thinking seemed to go something along the lines of, "If you love something set it free: if it comes back it’s yours; if it doesn’t, hunt it down and kill it."
Maybe the producers knew what would happen and planned the challenge accordingly. Maybe they were just lucky that not more people decided to Mutiny!. Either way, the challenge was still able to be run with only four people left in Aitu. The two girls had to climb into a barrel and be rolled down a ramp, over some speed humps and through the water to collect flags and raise them at the end, assuming they could still walk given the bruises they must have incurred. The best part by far was the frequency with which Jeff pronounced the word "buoy" as "boo-eee", something which has been almost as sadly missed in recent seasons as the gross food challenge.
Once again Ozzy was the Aitu Allstar. He managed to hold his breath underwater, the barrel by his feet and a rope with his hands, all while towing the entire team across the lagoon to an easy victory. Raro managed to get caught in a rip and were dragged so far off course they never had a chance of winning.
It’s easy to cheer for the underdogs, but it makes you even more warm and fuzzy to see the underdogs appreciate their win. The fine, upstanding folk of Aitu stopped and spent some time celebrating with each other instead of just rushing to get to the muffins, danishes, coffee and letters from home which constituted this week’s reward. Ozzy even cried, but then crying is a somewhat natural reaction when you discovered that your "loved ones" have given the producers your most embarrassing school photos and now the whole world has seen them. Mutinous traitors!
The other part of Aitu’s reward was getting to send someone to Exile Island, and they didn’t even have to consult before choosing Fletcher Christian herself, Candice. Jonathan, meanwhile, indentured himself into the service of his new Raro masters (so much for the white folks taking over). Between tending the fire, harvesting coconuts and doing the fishing, he chewed all their ears off, ignored them rolling their eyes at him, and reminded us at home during his piece to camera that, "This game is all about trust." Yep, and everyone now has conclusive proof that Candice and Jonathan are quite happy to Mutiny! and betray their tribe mates.
The Immunity Challenge involved paddling a glass-bottomed boat around the lagoon until the target painted on the glass lined up exactly with a target laying on the ocean floor. If timed correctly, one could drop a cannonball through a hatch in the front of the boat, land it in a basket attached to the target and release some more boo-eees. Raro got an early lead until Yul worked out that you could see the basket through the hatch, which was a far easier way of working than trying to line up the target by getting four people to paddle in different directions at once. Some might call it cheating, others might call it creative thinking. Jeff just called it a win when the collected buoys spelt out "Bounty" back on the beach, and Aitu’s four-person David had beaten the eight-strong Raro twice in a row. Success really is the best revenge.
Now is probably a good time to point out a couple of things from right at the very start of the episode. The recap from the previous week reminded us all how very lucky Brad the non-swimming puzzle solver was that his team didn’t go to Tribal Council or he’d have been voted off. Early this week he uttered a throw-away line that after the merge it’s every man for himself. He’s absolutely right, but it gave the rest of him team something new for which to be mad at him because they all wilfully misinterpreted that as proof that he's not a team player and is planning to overthrow them and needs to be voted off immediately.
However, Candice and Jonathan – especially Jonathan – gatecrashing the party threw a new light on things. Adam had a moment of very, very impressive political clarity when he pointed out that what’s left of Raro will never take Jonathan back to make up the numbers going into a merge, but they might be willing to take Brad into the fold if he chose to counter-Mutiny! for his own survival. Unfortunately this was soon followed by a very, very unimpressive change of mind when Candice got back from Exile Island and convinced Adam that Jonathan was a threat to his manhood. Stupid, over-reactive boy! And Nate agreed with him on everything. Stupid, over-reactive boys plural!
Tribal Council took place in a heavy thunderstorm. Brad needed only a tiny amount of prodding to admit that he doesn’t trust anyone on his team, but I suspect his fate had been decided long before that tactical error because he went out in a unanimous vote. Well, not quite out: Brad becomes the first member of the Jury in a very surprising twist this early in the season. It’s going to be lots of fun to see how they manage if it’s a ten person jury split five-five split in the final vote. Or will the million dollars be fought out by a final three instead of a final two? Or will the members of the jury have to set someone adrift in a lifeboat? Or will Jeff get the casting vote? Oh wait, the ad for next week promises another big twist. Gee, that’s never happened before!
For the next two weeks I’ll be away on holiday (no, not in the Cook Islands; I’m not that tragic). I’ll hopefully have internet access, but probably not email. If all goes according to plan there will be reports available on Thursday mornings at this site for you to keep up to date with what’s happening after any sane person’s bedtime.
In some more quality editing this week we had a really nice scenario set up with Jonathan talking at length about how important it is for the six Aitu members to stick together since there’s also six Raro members and the merge might happen soon. In the next scene we saw him talking to Candice and explaining that he really wants to slough off the rest of the tribe and get the two of them back with the remaining whiteys over on Raro for a Caucasian domination of the final four. Finally we got Candice’s piece to camera where explained quite clearly that she really doesn't want Jonathan hanging around her. She only just managed to keep from panting too heavily while thinking about getting back on the same tribe typically prophetic quote: "I think stuff’s about to happen, about to start moving."
She didn’t have to wait long. Before the start of the reward challenge Jeff gave everyone a ten second window in which to Mutiny! and swap tribes if they wanted. Candice spent eight of those seconds leering at Adam, then stepped forward. She was a second too soon, because Jeff stopped the countdown to express amazement and during the delay Jonathan to decide follow her. His thinking seemed to go something along the lines of, "If you love something set it free: if it comes back it’s yours; if it doesn’t, hunt it down and kill it."
Maybe the producers knew what would happen and planned the challenge accordingly. Maybe they were just lucky that not more people decided to Mutiny!. Either way, the challenge was still able to be run with only four people left in Aitu. The two girls had to climb into a barrel and be rolled down a ramp, over some speed humps and through the water to collect flags and raise them at the end, assuming they could still walk given the bruises they must have incurred. The best part by far was the frequency with which Jeff pronounced the word "buoy" as "boo-eee", something which has been almost as sadly missed in recent seasons as the gross food challenge.
Once again Ozzy was the Aitu Allstar. He managed to hold his breath underwater, the barrel by his feet and a rope with his hands, all while towing the entire team across the lagoon to an easy victory. Raro managed to get caught in a rip and were dragged so far off course they never had a chance of winning.
It’s easy to cheer for the underdogs, but it makes you even more warm and fuzzy to see the underdogs appreciate their win. The fine, upstanding folk of Aitu stopped and spent some time celebrating with each other instead of just rushing to get to the muffins, danishes, coffee and letters from home which constituted this week’s reward. Ozzy even cried, but then crying is a somewhat natural reaction when you discovered that your "loved ones" have given the producers your most embarrassing school photos and now the whole world has seen them. Mutinous traitors!
The other part of Aitu’s reward was getting to send someone to Exile Island, and they didn’t even have to consult before choosing Fletcher Christian herself, Candice. Jonathan, meanwhile, indentured himself into the service of his new Raro masters (so much for the white folks taking over). Between tending the fire, harvesting coconuts and doing the fishing, he chewed all their ears off, ignored them rolling their eyes at him, and reminded us at home during his piece to camera that, "This game is all about trust." Yep, and everyone now has conclusive proof that Candice and Jonathan are quite happy to Mutiny! and betray their tribe mates.
The Immunity Challenge involved paddling a glass-bottomed boat around the lagoon until the target painted on the glass lined up exactly with a target laying on the ocean floor. If timed correctly, one could drop a cannonball through a hatch in the front of the boat, land it in a basket attached to the target and release some more boo-eees. Raro got an early lead until Yul worked out that you could see the basket through the hatch, which was a far easier way of working than trying to line up the target by getting four people to paddle in different directions at once. Some might call it cheating, others might call it creative thinking. Jeff just called it a win when the collected buoys spelt out "Bounty" back on the beach, and Aitu’s four-person David had beaten the eight-strong Raro twice in a row. Success really is the best revenge.
Now is probably a good time to point out a couple of things from right at the very start of the episode. The recap from the previous week reminded us all how very lucky Brad the non-swimming puzzle solver was that his team didn’t go to Tribal Council or he’d have been voted off. Early this week he uttered a throw-away line that after the merge it’s every man for himself. He’s absolutely right, but it gave the rest of him team something new for which to be mad at him because they all wilfully misinterpreted that as proof that he's not a team player and is planning to overthrow them and needs to be voted off immediately.
However, Candice and Jonathan – especially Jonathan – gatecrashing the party threw a new light on things. Adam had a moment of very, very impressive political clarity when he pointed out that what’s left of Raro will never take Jonathan back to make up the numbers going into a merge, but they might be willing to take Brad into the fold if he chose to counter-Mutiny! for his own survival. Unfortunately this was soon followed by a very, very unimpressive change of mind when Candice got back from Exile Island and convinced Adam that Jonathan was a threat to his manhood. Stupid, over-reactive boy! And Nate agreed with him on everything. Stupid, over-reactive boys plural!
Tribal Council took place in a heavy thunderstorm. Brad needed only a tiny amount of prodding to admit that he doesn’t trust anyone on his team, but I suspect his fate had been decided long before that tactical error because he went out in a unanimous vote. Well, not quite out: Brad becomes the first member of the Jury in a very surprising twist this early in the season. It’s going to be lots of fun to see how they manage if it’s a ten person jury split five-five split in the final vote. Or will the million dollars be fought out by a final three instead of a final two? Or will the members of the jury have to set someone adrift in a lifeboat? Or will Jeff get the casting vote? Oh wait, the ad for next week promises another big twist. Gee, that’s never happened before!
For the next two weeks I’ll be away on holiday (no, not in the Cook Islands; I’m not that tragic). I’ll hopefully have internet access, but probably not email. If all goes according to plan there will be reports available on Thursday mornings at this site for you to keep up to date with what’s happening after any sane person’s bedtime.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Survivor Cook Islands: week 7
It may not have seemed that way early on, but the theme of tonight's episode ended up being "Brad’s lucky week!"
In fact early on it looked like Nate’s lucky week as he took the opportunity afforded by his kidnapping to learn more about Aitu without giving away too much crucial information about how things are at his own Raro camp. He certainly seemed more interested than anyone else by Jessica / Flicka’s complaints that she was the only one not in on the plan to vote out Cao Boi the previous night at Tribal Council.
Flicka’s complaints were interrupted by the arrival of tree mail, the first word of which was "Swim!" Oddly enough for tree mail that was a pretty good clue as to what the Reward Challenge would involve. The reward itself was also made about a clear as it could be, in the form of a Survivor Tree Mail Order Catalogue of Reward Items and instructions to pick two of them. For Aitu it was an easy and unanimous choice: a sack of potatoes to stretch out the carbs during the week, and some jars of peanut butter for immediate gratification. For Raro, Brad’s suggestion that they make the same choice on the same grounds was ignored in favour of a loaf of bread (which is going to last such a long time in the tropics!) for peanut butter sandwiches RIGHT NOW! None of this "planning for the future" stuff for Adam and Parvarti, huh!
And what did the winners have to do to get these lavish, unbranded and product-placement-free treats? Three members of each tribe had to do a lot of swimming while carrying something awkward, then the other two had to solve a puzzle. Remember those instructions; you’ll hear them again later.
For reasons known only to himself at the time, Brad volunteered to solve the puzzle instead of swimming. During the utter roasting he copped back at camp after they lost, he justified it on the grounds that he has very good spatial skills and is therefore good at puzzles. Trouble is that the "spatial puzzle solving" bit came after the "lots of hard swimming" bit. With Nate unavailable for selection, and Brad’s gloriously buffed pecs on stand-by to do spatial things with some lightweight puzzle pieces, all the physical work was left to Adam, Rebecca and Parvati. Rebecca didn’t even complete the first lap before failing as spectacularly as the supporting materials on her bikini top, giving us the season’s first truly justifiable pixellation.
Aitu’s combination of Ozzy the superfish, Candice the superbabe and Yul the superallroundniceguy finished the swimming part miles in front of Raro, and inevitably they had the challenge wrapped up and won long before Brad’s spatial skills were called upon.
In a nicely ironic twist, the Cook Islands had an unseasonably cold snap not unlike the one Melbourne is going through as I write this (ie it’s two weeks until summer and today we had snow falls down to 600m). Adam spent his night on Exile Island in the foetal position under a make-shift humpy trying to stay warm, while everyone at camp shivered together under every item of clothing and bedding available for use.
I deliberately didn’t write about this last week because I sensed there might be a better story at some point in the future, but the time has now come. Last week during the trip back from the reward there was a short scene of Candice walking along holding hands with Sundra, followed a few seconds later by a shot of Candice sitting between Sundra’s feet. This week Candice shared – nay, initiated – a "peanut butter kiss" with Flicka, whereby they each put a big blob of peanut butter in the middle of their pouts then mashed the two blobs together, then laughed. in another scene she had her arms wrapped around Yul, but that might have just been because she was cold. Or because she was flirting. Or because she was trying to punish Billy on his New Jersey couch by throwing herself at everyone else in camp. Or maybe it’s her strategy? All opinions on this are welcome.
Ozzy’s strategy has been to try and make everyone else too fat to compete during the upcoming individual immunity challenges. Aside from his daily reef-depleting haul of fish he this week caught a live seagull. Apparently a sleeping bird in a bush is worth an extra two days in the game, because everyone seemed pretty happy with dietary variety even if Yul was the only one brave enough to break its neck ready for consumption.
The immunity challenge was almost a direct re-hash of the reward challenge: three members of each tribe had to do a lot of swimming while carrying something awkward, then the other two had to solve a puzzle. Predictably enough, Brad was one of the swimmers this time, although Aitu had won the swim leg and was already started on the puzzle by the time Raro had collected all the pieces. Totally unpredictably, Adam was one of the pair doing the brain-draining puzzle solving part and his team actually came from behind to win! I’m still trying to work out how that happened, but it did. At least I think it did: maybe I fell asleep on the couch and dreamt it. After all, it was ridiculously past my bedtime.
For Brad, of course, it was justification of his theory that skill solving the puzzle can be enough to come from behind and win. If they’d lost he’d have been an absolute goner.
For Aitu, a second consecutive trip to Tribal Council meant a choice between:
- Jessica, whose paranoia about her lack of alliances was getting really annoying;
- Ozzy, whose fantastic efforts to win challenges and feed his tribe have only earned him the gratitude of being considered a future threat; and
- Jonathan, whose constant scheming means nobody trusts him anymore (reinforced by an editorial decision to overlay the sound of Yul’s observation to this effect with footage of a rat feeding on some discarded coconut).
Once again Jessica was left out of everyone else’s decision making, and she was unanimously voted off. Don’t worry Flicka: technically you’re not paranoid if everyone else really is out to get you.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Survivor Cook Islands: week 6
A couple of people pointed out to me today that if you live in country Victoria you get to see Survivor at 9.30pm followed by ER at 10.30pm instead of the other way around. The only reason for this I can think of is that country folk find the concept of 20 Americans stranded in the Cook Islands doing weird challenges and voting for each other more accurately representative of their own lives than an adequately staffed hospital in a functional health system.
Due to the late time, and reflective of the fact that this week’s events only spanned 24 hours instead of the normal three days, it’ll be a brief one tonight. In fact it was a pretty boring episode all around, with only the challenge – and yes we’re back to challenge singular again – providing any real entertainment.
Otherwise it was very much ‘business as usual’, especially in the scenes around camp. Cristina was bossy and domineering when criticising the others for calling her bossy and domineering the night before at Tribal Council. Ozzy caught lots of fish and Nate caught an octopus. Jonathan was a bit too focussed on his strategy, which creeped some of the girls out. Cao Boi said weird and inappropriate things. Yul was unfailingly diplomatic and Becky worshipped him for it. Nothing new there at all, really.
The challenge was the one bright spot. Two girls and one boy from each team wrapped themselves around poles. Two members of the same gender from the other tribe had to dislodge a person and try to carry/drag/roll them over a finish line. The first tribe to get all three people back over the line won. The producers must have been just loving the fact that the girls outnumber the boys because the challenge involved a LOT of very physical wrestling in the sand and myriad opportunities for pixelation. Candice showed a degree of resistance I’ve only previously seen when trying to get our cat into his travel cage for a trip to the vet. Cristina demonstrated the efficiency of certain police restraint holds, while professional Rollergirl Flicka also used her work skills with some excellent hair pulling.
Of course there was a twist, which was that both teams had to go to Tribal Council and vote someone out. Technically it’s not much of a twist since it was openly announced in the ad for this week at the end of the last episode, but since almost nobody was still awake by that stage it may have surprised someone not living in Shepparton or Bairnsdale.
The twist sent both teams into strategy mode back at camp. We saw almost nothing at Raro other than Cristina promising to be good and begging her tribe mates for another chance while they mumbled "Sure" and looked away.
Aitu’s deliberations were a lot more interesting. Crazy Cao Boi had a dream that he applied for an American Express card, which he interpreted as a totally foolproof way of working out who has the immunity idol, cunningly nicknamed Plan Voodoo. Here’s just a few of the flaws in that foolproof plan:
As the challenge winners, Aitu had their Tribal Council first followed by a "feast" in the Jury Box of lamb shanks, bread and apple cider served in a genuine hillbilly earthenware jug. No product placement opportunities there!
Anyway, Aitu got to watch Raro’s Tribal Council up until just before the vote, when Jeff pulled yet another shock out of his khaki shirt. Aitu got to "kidnap" a member of Raro for a few days, effectively protecting that person from being voted out that night. Nate was chosen, and got an early start to his case of Stockholm Syndrome by getting to snack on a lamb shank with his captors. Apparently he’ll be part of Aitu for the next few days, even competing with them at the next reward challenge.
At this point I must mention Candice’s very strange behaviour towards Adam across the Tribal Council set while all this was happening. She started out blowing him kisses, and at one point seemed to mouth to him the words "I Love You." Hang on, have we not seen this before? Has she not learnt how easily such behaviour can be misinterpreted? Does anyone want to guess how long Billy sat at home on the couch and howled when he saw such behaviour from his true love?
Due to the late time, and reflective of the fact that this week’s events only spanned 24 hours instead of the normal three days, it’ll be a brief one tonight. In fact it was a pretty boring episode all around, with only the challenge – and yes we’re back to challenge singular again – providing any real entertainment.
Otherwise it was very much ‘business as usual’, especially in the scenes around camp. Cristina was bossy and domineering when criticising the others for calling her bossy and domineering the night before at Tribal Council. Ozzy caught lots of fish and Nate caught an octopus. Jonathan was a bit too focussed on his strategy, which creeped some of the girls out. Cao Boi said weird and inappropriate things. Yul was unfailingly diplomatic and Becky worshipped him for it. Nothing new there at all, really.
The challenge was the one bright spot. Two girls and one boy from each team wrapped themselves around poles. Two members of the same gender from the other tribe had to dislodge a person and try to carry/drag/roll them over a finish line. The first tribe to get all three people back over the line won. The producers must have been just loving the fact that the girls outnumber the boys because the challenge involved a LOT of very physical wrestling in the sand and myriad opportunities for pixelation. Candice showed a degree of resistance I’ve only previously seen when trying to get our cat into his travel cage for a trip to the vet. Cristina demonstrated the efficiency of certain police restraint holds, while professional Rollergirl Flicka also used her work skills with some excellent hair pulling.
Of course there was a twist, which was that both teams had to go to Tribal Council and vote someone out. Technically it’s not much of a twist since it was openly announced in the ad for this week at the end of the last episode, but since almost nobody was still awake by that stage it may have surprised someone not living in Shepparton or Bairnsdale.
The twist sent both teams into strategy mode back at camp. We saw almost nothing at Raro other than Cristina promising to be good and begging her tribe mates for another chance while they mumbled "Sure" and looked away.
Aitu’s deliberations were a lot more interesting. Crazy Cao Boi had a dream that he applied for an American Express card, which he interpreted as a totally foolproof way of working out who has the immunity idol, cunningly nicknamed Plan Voodoo. Here’s just a few of the flaws in that foolproof plan:
- It assumes that either Jonathan or Candice has the idol, forgetting that Yul has also been sent to Exile Island (and as well all know, is the one who actually has it).
- It assumes that Jonathan is more likely to have it since he’s been there twice.
- It relies on three people voting for Jonathan and three for Candice, with the tied vote forcing the one who has the idol to use it.
- It fails to take into account that if Jonathan votes for Candice and she goes down 4-3 as a result, Jonathan won’t have to use the idol - and remember we're supposed to think he has it - and nothing will be proven either way.
- It assumes in the first place that Cao Boi has enough influence to get six other people to all vote exactly the way he wants.
As the challenge winners, Aitu had their Tribal Council first followed by a "feast" in the Jury Box of lamb shanks, bread and apple cider served in a genuine hillbilly earthenware jug. No product placement opportunities there!
Anyway, Aitu got to watch Raro’s Tribal Council up until just before the vote, when Jeff pulled yet another shock out of his khaki shirt. Aitu got to "kidnap" a member of Raro for a few days, effectively protecting that person from being voted out that night. Nate was chosen, and got an early start to his case of Stockholm Syndrome by getting to snack on a lamb shank with his captors. Apparently he’ll be part of Aitu for the next few days, even competing with them at the next reward challenge.
At this point I must mention Candice’s very strange behaviour towards Adam across the Tribal Council set while all this was happening. She started out blowing him kisses, and at one point seemed to mouth to him the words "I Love You." Hang on, have we not seen this before? Has she not learnt how easily such behaviour can be misinterpreted? Does anyone want to guess how long Billy sat at home on the couch and howled when he saw such behaviour from his true love?
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