Survivor Fiji: week 2

First, here's this week's haiku:

Be more careful, Boo!
Half a brain (times axe) equals
One eye, hand and leg.

It seems in recent years there’s been more and more instances of "the most [insert adjective and noun] in Survivor history." This week in his recap on the previous episode, Jeff referred to "the most elaborate camp in Survivor history". Another way to describe it might be "the most desperate grab for ratings in Survivor history."

We started with one of the most desperate searches for potable water in Survivor history at the Ravu camp. They won’t get flint until they win a challenge, and without fire they can’t boil water. It’s only day four and already they’re so dehydrated that they resorted to licking water drops off leaves. Anthony kindly pointed out that the palms taste best, as we cut to footage of Michelle staggering along and finally falling over from thirst and hunger.

By comparison, at Moto there was an earnest discussion on whether to eat or throw out the leftover rice, and did anyone want any more mango? Luxury, however, is no antidote to stupidity. Lisi has perhaps the most annoying laugh in Survivor history (triggered in this instance by her killing an ant with a hammer), and Boo performed the longest fart in Survivor history. One of his eyes is all red because he walked into a sign and dinted the eyeball. Alex tried to flush it out for him (lucky he’s in the camp with plenty of boiled water), but not long after being discharged from the makeshift field hospital Boo started chopping up things with an axe in what appeared to be his idea of fun. He dropped the axe right near his foot, which roused a chorus of "Boo, be careful!" from a few of the girls. This was quickly followed by a wet thud, a moan and a beautifully framed camera shot of most of the tribe looking up and wincing. In one stroke he had managed to cut his hand AND his leg. "I think I need medical attention" is perhaps the biggest understatement in Survivor history. But wait, there’s more! The hammock collapsing under him as he recuperated probably wasn’t his fault, but it was still funny. Thanks to Boo, this season will be the highest Workcover premiums in Survivor history.

Sylvia suffered a huge shock on her return from Exile Island. She received a warm welcome as she waded ashore, including three passionate hugs from Yau-Man who was actually just trying to see if the Immunity Idol was in her bag. Her complaints about how tough it is out there fell on deaf ears, but not the word ‘flint’ when she bragged about having managed to start a fire. To be fair we should remember that she was sent to Exile Island before Jeff announced that one tribe would keep the elaborate camp and the other would start with nothing, and had no idea that bringing the flint home would have perhaps guaranteed her place in the tribe more effectively than the idol.

Actually perhaps nothing can guarantee a place in a tribe. After days of – pardon the pun – fruitlessly searching their island for any kind of food, Erica stumbled across a batch of ripe, sweet, juicy pineapples and was instantly deified. The food and liquid gave Ravu hope for the upcoming challenge, which was again a combination of reward and immunity and yet again a combination of collecting puzzle pieces, undoing knots, completing the puzzle and raising a flag.

Despite their desperate physical state, Ravu were first back to the beach with all their boxes and first to start on the puzzle. It was only in the post mortem that we learned Ravu had decided at the start of the challenge who would do what, and that Erica was not assigned to puzzle solving (let’s face it; she’s not the sharpest machete in the archipelago). Despite an apparently clear designation of duties she tried to get involved, screaming – in piercing shrieks - that a particular piece should go in a particular place. She was wrong, but the effort of trying that combination once more just so she’d shut up and let them concentrate proved fatal to both Ravu’s chances of winning the challenge and to Erica’s status as Pineapple Princess.

Winning the challenge gave Moto a whole bunch of fishing equipment which they don’t need (and are probably too busy napping off a huge lunch to use anyway), plus the right to send one member of Ravu to the relative luxury of Exile Island and safety from Tribal Council. Jeff did warn Earl to watch out for the snakes, plural, but Earl seemed to feel much safer after killing just one with the machete. Perhaps Sylvia told him about the one that chased her last week and he figured once he killed it he was protected. He said he really doesn’t like killing animals, but then launched into a quote from Saving Private Ryan about how if you let one go it might come back and kill you later. He then gave us the worst Samuel L Jackson impersonation in Survivor history: "Snakes are misunderstood, but we have an understanding now."

Remember James/Boston/Rocky’s alliance last week with Jessica and Erica? He doesn’t. Erica’s meltdown at the challenge scuppered the earlier plans of voting out bossy Sylvia, with James/Boston/Rocky leading the change. Sylvia was a vocal supporter of this plan, and Michelle announced a decision to cast a protest vote for Sylvia anyway because she doesn’t like her and it wouldn’t change the outcome.

Jeff’s big announcement at Tribal Council was that the Immunity Idol will this year only get its owner through to the final five, not the final three. On top of that, if you want to play it you have to do so before any of the votes are read out, which will really shake things up a bit. Jeff asked Erica to justify her performance at the challenge, and spent a bit of time on how Sylvia is fitting in and whether she’s bossy. When asked if Sylvia is a leader, Anthony pointed out that she has a "wonderful" (his word, not mine) habit of throwing out an idea and saying "Let’s do it!" and not actually talking with anyone about doing it. Sylvia’s response was to say that she’s actually had an idea - which she hasn’t discussed with anyone yet - of assigning a leader. The argument formed a circle almost as perfect as Yau-Man’s eye roll.

Still, Sylvia will actually get the chance to raise that idea tomorrow just like she planned. Erica was voted out 2-6 in a decision that she didn’t see coming. Perhaps if she gets rid of the authentically-Fijian Afro hairdo her peripheral vision will improve.