Amazing Race: week 7

Thanks for nothing, Channel 7. After last week's episode they promised that it was moving to a 7.30 time slot this week. "Hooray", I thought. "I'll be able to write up a blog entry on it and still get to bed at a respectable hour." Nuh. At the last minute they put it back to a 10.30pm finish and my hopes of getting a commentary up in a timely fashion vanished.

Theoretically the racers are still in Africa, but I reckon this week's episode was filmed at the Western Plains Zoo in Dubbo. Otherwise how on earth could they have managed to rustle all those wild animals up to drift past in the background at timely intervals like props? We saw ostriches, giraffes, several elephants, hippos, zebras, crocodiles and some warthogs that looked a bit like they'd actually been pasted in from the same tourism video that provided all the shots of Soweto a couple of episodes back.

Last week's huge ratings "woo hoo'" for the producers came when the brothers crashed their car and broke their cameraman. Waiting for a replacement of both left them well at the back of the pack, but they made up a lot of time at the detour and in fact were less than an hour behind winners Ron and Kelly arriving at the pit stop. This week the gay guys managed to break one car and get a flat tyre on another, needing two replacements. Land Rover must be really starting to question the PR value of this exercise, because right now their reliability looks up there with Lada's.

The detour this week was a choice between milking a goat and using the traditional African technique of carrying heaving loads on the head. Several other teams tried the balancing thing but gave up quickly. Token black couple Joyce and Uchenna seemed to be absolute naturals at it, but I was still somewhat stunned to hear Lynne and Alex – out of all of the teams – say something to the effect that Joyce and Uchenna were 'bred for doing that'. I'd have thought that a gay couple would be least likely to spout stereotypes. The brothers I'd have almost expected it from, but not the couple that must have to put up with similar crap more than anyone else in the race.

As mentioned, the option all the other teams took was milking about 300ml out of a goat. There's no way I'd be milking a goat. There's something just plain evil about them, as magnificently summed up by Seinfeld's George Castanza:

The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will ask, 'Specify type of goat.'

Most of the teams had no idea what they were doing, and Boston Rob seemed to be missing some fundamental farming and/or anatomical knowledge by constantly referring to their goat as "he". The gay guys were completely out of their depth, and the brothers were titillated by the whole event.

Joyce and Uchenna were so busy looking at the animals they didn't read the clue properly and just took the flag at the start of their four wheel driving adventure ride instead of the pole and flag. They got all the way to the pit stop, only to have Phil tell them to go back and do it properly (but minus any clue as to what they did wrong). It showed how far back the others were that they were able to keep their 3rd place on the welcome mat despite the back tracking.

Not reading the clue properly didn't end up hurting repeat offenders Meredith and Gretchen much either. A couple of weeks back they had to return to the cave to look for their clue, which left Gretchen in rather a lot of pain. This week they first stopped in the wrong town and started looking for the water tower, then completely missed collecting their clue at the end of the roadblock challenge. Even though they somehow found the pit stop without any directions they were forced to go back and collect the clue. They're still in their customary place in the bottom three, but as other teams get elimiated they get to say now that they're "fourth".

The brothers weren't so lucky. They made the same mistake of stopping at the wrong water tower because they didn't read their first clue properly, but unlike the oldies they actually got out of the car and started climbing the tower looking for the yellow and black box. It left them at the back of the pack all day, and they didn't recover. They did, however, take an interesting strategic approach to their last place. Lynne and Alex had also thought they were last, and Alex – who's barely said three words all series – took the very smart option of putting on every piece of clothing he could in case they got the chance of staying in the race with only the clothes on their backs. Who knows what they were going to carry all those clothes around in, but it was pretty smart thinking. The brothers took the opposite approach: they stopped and changed into bathing suits and winter hats in the hope that their wacky fashion sense would keep them in the game. Nice try guys, but no cigar. At least they were already in their togs to take advantage of the pit stop's pool since they're not going anywhere in a hurry tomorrow.

The POW and the Beauty Queen pretty much cruised through all the challenges this week except for the crucial one of getting along with each other. Kelly started the episode quoting Corinthians, but changing the word "love" for "Kelly", so we ended up with "Kelly is patient, Kelly is kind." It was meant as a kind of mantra on how she was planning to treat Ron for the rest of the day. Honey, perhaps you should have read the rest of the verse:

"(Love) is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury."

Love might not, but Kelly sure did. By the end of the episode she told Ron that he's "a piece-of-trash redneck", and gloated in some kind of sarcastic, self-righteous triumph to the camera that for once it was Ron pointing out everything that Kelly does wrong. They came in second behind Rob and Amber on the finish line this week, but I reckon next week they're going to be first in the entertainment stakes for all of us out in TV land.