Survivor Palau: week 9

A papal conclave has nothing on Survivor when it comes to ceremonies and rituals around voting. Unfortunately the liturgical rhythm of Tribal Council has been upset by Ulong’s implosion so there was no vote last week, no "the tribe has spoken" and this week no formal merging of the tribes, no new buffs and no lame effort to come up with a new tribe name.

Day 22 was an emotional roller-coaster for Stephanie. Alone at camp and struggling to find food and firewood (since everything close to camp and easy to retrieve had already been collected long ago), it only took a crappy tree mail "poem" and a new Koror buff to reduce her to tears.

Coby used last week’s product placement shampoo reward to set up a salon out in the ocean, where he held Caryn captive with the fear we all have that our hairdressers will mutilate us if we don’t agree with everything they say. Stephanie’s arrival gave him a brand new audience, and he wasted no time in dragging her aside and giving her the lowdown on who is aligned with whom. He told her there’s one alliance of Tom, Ian and Katie, with Jenny and Gregg with two G’s also attached. The other alliance comprises Coby, Janu and Caryn. Hmmm, if I were Stephanie would I join the smaller or the larger alliance? Gee, that’s a tough one.

The funniest thing was Coby’s piece to camera, laughing at Katie for trying to claim there was some special bond between her and Stephanie with the words "Remember the first day? Remember the first day?" Of course we know from last week that Tom, Ian, Katie and Stephanie formed an alliance before the tribes were picked, so in that context Katie’s comment makes logical – if not terribly subtle – sense.

The two Palau locals who turned up didn’t get quite as warm a reception as Stephanie, at least not until after they’d shown the tribe how to catch fish and drink rum out of a coconut. Tom learnt the second lesson especially well, and behaved like the embarrassing uncle that almost ruins the wedding (and don’t pretend there’s not at least one of those in YOUR family!). By that stage Coby had managed to stuff up yet another clumsy attempt at political intrigue by volunteering to stay and help catch bait, then getting huffy when the alpha males all quickly replied "OK" and headed out fishing with their new Palauan buddies.

By the time we got to the immunity challenge the show had found its page in the prayer book and was back on track with an ancient and traditional contest: who can stand on a tiny platform the longest? In theory it makes for pretty boring TV, but people will happily do unpredictable things for food after three weeks without sugar and caffeine. Coby and Janu both jumped into the water and gave up any chance of immunity in exchange for a plate of donuts. As Katie pointedly observed out loud, "Either they want to go home or don’t think they’re in danger of going home." In an echo of Survivor Amazon, Ian offered to take his clothes off for chocolate and peanut butter but settled for chocolate chip cookies and milk. At the three hour mark, and realising that Tom wasn’t giving in for anything, Stephanie and Caryn both quit at the offer of pizza and the game was finally over.

Another great Survivor tradition is editing that gives no clue who’s going home. It was inconclusive grey smoke all around, with Stephanie declaring herself 80 or 90 percent likely to be voted off, and Janu almost pleading with everyone to send her home. Janu might be lazy, and Jenny especially might feel threatened by Stephanie’s strength and popularity, but Coby had alienated most people with his sooking and was voted out in a 7-2 decision.
Coby is therefore the first member of the Jury, and I’m out of the sweep. He was delusional right to the end, claiming that he was voted out because he’s a threat. Janu seemed shocked – and downright annoyed –that she wasn’t voted off because she obviously wants to go home. She won’t be so quick to quit next week though (if we can believe the ad) because the first person to bail out will be sent to live Stephanie’s hermit-like existence for an undetermined period of time.

An anti-reward challenge is a new concept for Survivor. Still, traditions have to start somewhere…