Survivor Cook Islands: week 5

The editing on Survivor has always been good, but this week it was superb.

We started at Raro the morning after the night before and JP’s shock (well, to him at least) departure. The three remaining boys decided that a mammoth effort at gathering food, water and firewood would be the best way to show the five girls they still needed the men around. Yeah, that’ll show ‘em when they finally crawl out of bed around lunchtime! About the only thing it showed the girls was that the boys are desperate to remain relevant, and are every bit as easily manipulated as Parvarti predicted.

Things were remarkably similar at Aitu, with an alliance of five – mainly girls comparing underarm hair regrowth – lording it over the other three of Ozzie, Cao Boi and Flicker. Tonight’s first nominee for Excellence In Editing goes to the person who patched together a few comments from Cao Boi which made it sound like he’d said the girls were jeopardising their chances in the game by being annoying. Oh hang on, I’ve just watched it again and that’s pretty much exactly what he said. On the irony!

The reward challenge this week had some familiar elements and an even more familiar prize of spices to awaken the tongue and cheap wine to loosen it. Two members of each tribe were tied together side-by-side at the waist with one arm each held out to the side like strange Siamese crucifixes. The free arms were used to hold onto handle/rope/pulley/hook arrangements that got gradually heavier as members of the opposite team added sandbags, with the last pair still holding up both hooks winning for their team. It was essentially a test of brute strength, with Adam and Nathan winning for Raro and proving their worth to the women-folk far more effectively than with some light housework.

Back at camp, the Ozzie/Cao Boi/Flicker grouping (I hesitate to use the word ‘alliance’ since they’re more an accidental combination of the people not in the other alliance than a specific coalition of their own) decided to paddle out and explore a nearby island. Candice didn’t want to go because she had other important work to do around camp, when in reality she wants to conserve her strength; good reason. Sondra didn’t want to go because, quote, "That water is kind of freaking me out." Our second nomination goes to whomever thought to get a shot of a beach with the gentlest waves ever seen in the South Pacific. For all we know they took that footage three weeks later, but it doesn’t matter because it was just so amusingly pasted in.

The outcasts alliance set sail regardless of the others’ indifference, and were happily exploring the resources the new island had to offer when they stumbled across Raro’s camp. Nothing like this has ever happened before, and nobody quite knew what to do about it. Cao Boi to the rescue! He made a tactless comment proving that he’d done a mini stocktake of Raro’s equipment, then filled the ghastly silence which followed with a lecture on Chinese symbology. There may have been some prior conversation which naturally segued into that topic, or it might have been edited out. He might have only spoken for three minutes, but several shots of the sun passing slowly overhead were edited in to create the impression he went on about it for hours. The others might have paid him their full and rapt attention, but our third nominee managed to cram in footage of each one yawning or looking otherwise bored.

Eventually Cao Boi stopped talking. He tried to suggest a joint effort to harvest the natural resources of Raro’s island for Aitu’s benefit, and then tried to hit Raro up for some of their spices, having even less success with the second idea than the first. Eventually he even got the hint that he’d outstayed his welcome and they went home. Truly weird!

The immunity challenge kicked off with Jonathan’s return from a few fruitless days of digging on Exile Island and announced that he thinks he knows where the Individual Immunity Idol was, effectively telling everyone else that either Candice, Adam or Yul has already found it. Since two of those people are in his alliance, and everyone knows that Adam is barely smart enough to read the clues let alone decipher them, he’s pretty much just tipped it on the people he’s relying on to get him through the game, and Yul for one looked most displeased.

Amazingly the challenge was entirely new and original. Each tribe had to get two members with good balancing skills across a stretch of water on tiny round platforms high up in the air, and then get their entire team onto an equally tiny square platform even higher up. It was close right through to the end, but Aitu won out and sent Raro back to their second consecutive Tribal Council.

At first their decision of who to vote out seemed simple and unanimous: Cristina has stepped into JP’s bossy boots and been telling everyone else what to do. Some might call it ‘leadership’ but in this game it’s called ‘painting a big target on your back’. Everyone agreed it was time for her to go; there was absolutely no need for further discussion. Our final nominee tonight followed Nathan and Stephannie to the water store and caught a conversation where Stephannie actually confessed out loud an opinion that she wouldn’t mind going home because she could imagine herself eating mashed potato and gravy that night. Seriously, if you’re going to end your chances in the game make it for something a little more gourmet, possibly involving fois gras and caviar. At the very least make it something that tests the skills of the kitchen staff at whichever luxury resort you’ll be holed up in until they fly you home.

Yep, the Nathan to whom she made that comment is the same Nathan who voted for her last week because he can’t tolerate the idea of someone being there who is less than 100% committed to the game. Having caught Stephannie’s original comment on camera it was a simple matter for the winner of the Survivor Cook Islands: Excellence In Editing Award to continue the theme and highlight the words "mashed potato" spreading through the rest of the tribe like melted butted (and perhaps some chives, or a little freshly-grated Parmesan).

What looked like a unanimous vote against Cristina turned into a unanimous vote against Stephannie, but not before the boys harped on that little bit too long at Tribal Council about Cristina being bossy. She’ll come out fighting next week. Let’s hope they get it all on camera!