Survivor Panama - Exile Island: week 2

Last week we learned that Shane is a 'character' so the episode opened with him complaining non-stop about how "this place breathes bad luck". He was promptly rewarded with a massive lightening strike and accompanying thunder clap that could only be the work of a vengeful deity.

In fact the entire theme for this week's show was "self fulfilling prophecy". Either the world truly moves in mysterious ways, or the camera crew just shoot so much film they've got enough to create almost any scenario necessary when they get to the editing suite.

Tina's absence was felt at the older women's camp; her shelter kept them warm and dry (well, relative to those at the other camps) but lighting fire using the flint and machete turned out to be not quite so easy as she made it look. The younger women, meanwhile, found some papaya and will have trouble topping their ecstasy-faking performances when it's time for a proper food reward in a couple of weeks.

At the reward challenge the familiar phrase, "Drop your buffs!" rang out as the four tribes merged into two new ones with proper names. Danielle and Terry led the schoolyard pick and set the early tone for the composition of each team. Let's just say that as a rule of thumb the grounded, sensible people ended up in La Mina tribe, and Casaya is obviously Spanish for "dumb loud white folks plus the token black people".

Bruce was led through a slightly cruel, but nonetheless entertaining, emotional roller coaster. First he was sad because nobody picked him for their tribe and he was the last one left. Then he was happy because he replaces whoever gets voted out at the next tribal council and is therefore immune this week. Then he was sad again because he had to wait for tribal council on Exile Island. Then he was happy again because he got a chance to look for the Individual Immunity Idol.

If he'd been able to see the challenge site he'd have been even happier, because it was yet another checklist of classic obstacles, with the added visual frisson of very large and startlingly good fake snakes that had to be collected and carried along with the team. The only interesting bit was when Cirie jumped into a mud pool and landed on Bobby's head, which may explain why he didn't utter another word the entire episode. We also learnt that Sally's wardrobe of navy blue Jana Pittman socks includes versions that reach just under and just over the knee, both of which look absurd with a bikini.

In yet another predictable development the winners of the first proper reward challenge got fishing gear. We had some lovely camera shots of how many fish live off the Panama coast, just to rub in how pathetic it would be not to catch one. A few minutes later we saw Sally and Nick paddling back to camp empty handed. In between we watched with a horrified sense of the inevitable as Sally talked about how bad it would be to lose their one and only spear. The true disappointment was that the camera was on Nick while her 'practice' shot disappeared into the wild blue yonder, and it was sadly obvious that the producers had gone back later on with another spear to get some useable patch-up footage.

Meanwhile, back on Exile Island, Bruce (aka Mr Miyagi) showed off his impressive karate routine and talked about the mental strength it would give him to cope all alone with just a cameraman, sound guy, gaffer, best boy and second assistant director for company. He didn't look quite so mentally strong when it rained all night.

The highlight of the entire episode was Shane. He claims to not need the prize money, but it's hard to work out how a man so incapable of behaving appropriately could be that successful. Maybe it's the effect of his cold-turkey nicotine and caffeine detox, or maybe he's like that all the time, but he spent most of the episode making a fool of himself. He declared at the immunity challenge that his entire tribe felt utterly weakened. With a pep talk like that it's little wonder they lost, and Jeff made it worse by pointing out that La Mina only won because Casaya was – quote – "absolutely inept."

Back at camp, Shane asked his tribemates to vote him off because he wanted to go home. Then he let Aras change his mind for him and announced he wanted to stay. Together they initiated one of the clumsiest attempts at tough love I've ever seen on TV. Aras told Cirie and Melinda that he wanted to be honest and not deceptive about the fact he'd be voting for one of them – "I haven't decided which yet" – and that the other members of his alliance agreed with him. Shane consoled them with the news that it didn't matter which one was voted off first since the other would be next voted off anyway.

Courtney, who likes to, like, punctuate, like, everything in this, like, totally L.A manner, was clearly upset to have her membership of an alliance with Shane, Aras and Danielle exposed so early and so clumsily (or perhaps she was just embarrassed to be in an alliance with Shane). Nevertheless she stuck with them and voted out Melinda in a 5-2 decision.

Next Tuesday we get more of Shane's descent into madness, and in even better news we don't have to wait much longer to find out what happens after that because Channel Eddie will be running another episode next Wednesday night.