Survivor Guatemala: week 5

Something incredibly rare happened this week on Survivor: we had a single camera shot featuring both a Survivor and a dangerous animal. As Bobby Jon watched the sun rise over the lake, a crocodile surfaced about 400 metres away. Sure, they used really big zoom lens, and he was in no even medium-term danger, but it's still unusual.

Judd's probably in more danger. In the aftermath of Nakúm's most recent trip to Tribal Council, at which he voted against his former tribemate Brooke, Judd was all self-defence and no clue. "I don't give a flyin' rat's ass what people think of me" is probably not the best thing to say to your tribemates this early in the game, and especially when you're on Stephanie's team and likely to be back at Tribal Council sooner rather than later.

Yaxhá seems to be a much more united state of affairs, despite the Mason-Dixon line running down the middle. On one side you've got the Bible-belt Southerners who pray before everything, talk about their cowboy boots and can have in-depth conversations about preferred brands of farm machinery. On the other you've got Amy (who's never been camping, doesn't realise that bugs can fly and has no idea how wheat is grown) and Brian, who candidly admits to being a New England blue-state atheist. Gary seems to be keeping quiet, presumably to avoid any difficult questions about his sporting prowess.

The reward challenge consisted of more allegedly Mayan cultural activities. One person from each team had to cut through two ropes using a sharp stone, Maya style. Another person then had to cut through a log with a machete. I don't think the Maya had machetes: if they did, why didn't they use one instead of a rock to cut ropes? Eventually the tribes had to winch a small wagon up a hill, then jump in and ride it back down the track just like the mines in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. It's all genuine archaeology on this show.

It ended up being one of the most crushing defeats in Survivor history, and guess who lost (I'll give you a hint: Stephanie is on one of the teams). Jamie was so slow cutting through the ropes that we got a beautiful camera angle of him hacking away while Yaxhá's cart trundled past in the background. Judd made no attempt to disguise his disgust, even taking it out on Cindy at one point for not "stepping up to the plate". Fortunately Lydia saved the day by going a little crazy and teaching everyone the 'Pancake Dance'. Jamie said she looked like she was having a seizure, which is about the most profound thing he's said yet.

Yaxhá's prize was a jug of Magaritas, chip 'n' dip and best of all a croc-proof swimming cage off the end of their dock. They all managed to chill out enough to tolerate Blake mouthing off about himself and his girlfriend's double D breasts, and how they got even bigger after she went on the pill, and the time he got drunk, and all the other cool things he's ever done. Like Judd, he's just not smart enough to know when to shut up, but unlike Judd he's got Brian playing "Bait Blake", passing the shovel and encouraging him to keep on digging.

The immunity challenge was yet another genuine "we read about this on the Internet so it must be true" Mayan sport. One person from each tribe took turns flinging a papier-mâché ball from a catapult, while the other six members of each tribe tried to catch them in big triangular nets. The trick was that each net was held by three people, who had to use teamwork and run in the same direction at the same time to have any chance of catching the ball. In a genuinely surprising result, Nakúm (ie. Stephanie's tribe) actually managed to win an immunity challenge. The only thing more surprising was that they were so relatively restrained in their victory celebrations, considering Yaxhá's appalling gloating after the reward challenge win. Bobby Jon in particular had adopted a peculiarly cocky legs-up-in-the-air pose while rolling down the hill to victory, and I hope his coccyx recovers soon from the impact it would have incurred when the cart slammed into the pile of dirt at the end.

Brian, Amy and Gary immediately started lobbying the four old-Nakúm members in the hope that at least one of them has had enough of Blake's braggadocio to vote him out. Bobby Jon was smart enough to acknowledge that he's not smart enough to think for himself, and took Gary's advice since Gary is good at team stuff (Gary, when even Bobby Jon has seen through your lies about being a former star quarterback it's time to give them up).

Danni didn't seem sure what to do, and Brandon stated outright that he wouldn't vote for Blake at this stage and would instead vote for Brian. Since the plan only three days before was to pick Amy off first, I'm not sure why Brian suddenly became the first target of the old-Yaxhá trio. Suddenly in the middle of all this politicking we were suddenly confronted with a shot of an insect crawling across a crocodile's eyeball and disappearing when it blinked. It seemed to be a metaphor, but I'm still not sure what it represented. All suggestions welcome.

Either way, last week's wee-stained handshake didn't hold up, with both Danni and Bobby Jon voting against Blake and sending him home in a result he definitely didn't see coming. That swings the balance of numbers across the two tribes back in favour of the original Yaxhá tribe (ie. Stephanie's) so perhaps she's not the jinx after all. I just wouldn't want to be in Judd's shoes now that the precedent has been set for voting off loud-mouthed nuisances regardless of how strong they are in challenges.